Turn Back the Clock and BECOME A SOCIAL PERSON
What’s up guys? Hope everything is going well. Once again, thank you very much for taking the time to visit my site and read both Part I and Part II of my first article on game. I put a lot of effort into those and it truly was the best I could do.
But today I want to dig a little bit deeper. The First Law I wrote about was the fact that you must become good with people. You must become a people person. This is not only important when it comes to building the dating life you want. It is also important when it comes to building the overall lifestyle you want. I doubt there are many guys who want to go through life in isolation, without any cool friends to hang out with. No!
We are a social species. We need to be in the company of other people in order to truly enjoy life. As men, when we fantasize about our ideal lifestyle, we pretty much have the same basic wants…. Money, women, mansion, cars, freedom, and more times than not… FRIENDS.
But as many of you have expressed to me in your comments and private messages, this is far easier said than done. I completely understand that. I understand that if you’ve spent a lot of time in isolation or did not have the ideal upbringing, it can be very difficult for you to break out of your shell and become a guy who can easily relate to people. I get that.
I also get that it can be a frustrating process. It’s frustrating because no one really addresses this problem that so many guys deal with today. No one really recognizes the severity of this problem. No one really explains the causes of this problem. As a result, no one really offers a viable solution on what steps must be taken in order to give yourself the best chance at breaking out of your shell.
Well, that’s about to change. I’m going to explain how you can become a social person. How to become a people person, a person who enjoys interacting and relating with others, is a very important part of a healthy lifestyle. It can be difficult for a lot of reasons but if you recognize what truly is important and do your best to follow my advice, things will become very clear for you. You will have no choice but to break out of your shell and go out into the world. The truth will be shoved in your face…. that this is where you belong. You belong around other people. You are a person who deserves to interact with other people.
As with all of my posts, I’ll keep this simple. I’ll first lay out the problem and talk about why it is especially difficult to be social and relate with others today. Then I will offer you a solution. The solution will include a list of habits that you should pay close attention to. Ideally, you should do the positive habits and limit the negative ones. As usual, let me know what you think. Enjoy!
The Problem: Technology downplays the necessity of having a social life.
In other words, because of all this technology we have floating around, there simply is not as a great a need to be a social person anymore. You could theoretically never leave the house and still be connected to anyone/anywhere in the world. You can actually never leave your room and still have all the entertainment you could ever need. And in many cases, this is what people do. The problem is, THIS IS NOT REALITY.
Talking with people on Facebook, watching YouTube, writing on forums, watching Internet pornography… none of it is real. People who waste hours doing that are not actually connecting with anyone. The truth is they are still in isolation. Years ago you couldn’t really do this. In fact let’s take a look back 30-40 years ago just to put things in a general perspective.
The 70s and 80s
I obviously was not alive in the 70’s and 80’s. But I have a unique perspective on this era because all of my mentors/role models were my age during this time. My father, my uncle, my Godfather, and all of my friends’ fathers. They were all in their 20’s back when life was much simpler. And I’m always fascinated when they talk about how simple life used to be.
Back then you didn’t really see too many instances where guys were shy or socially awkward. Sure you would have that one awkward kid that no one talked too. But that was it. You didn’t have swarms of kids who are unable to relate with others on a normal level like you do today. For the most part, if you grew up in the 70s and 80s, you were sort of forced to be social and interact with people.
If you wanted to be entertained, you had to get out of the house and spend time with other people. That’s how it was. You didn’t really have any other alternatives.
A typical house back then had the following pieces of technology that could be used for entertainment purposes: television (maybe 20 channels), phone.
That was it. You didn’t have all these distractions (technology) that you have today. You didn’t have an easy way out if you wanted interact with others or be entertained. You had to talk to people. You had to get out of the house to have some fun.
There were no smartphones and no texting. There was no Facebook and no video games. Say for instance you wanted to take a girl out on a date and bang her. You absolutely had to be on top of your sgame. None of this texting drama I see dudes crying about on forums all the time. Back then, you had few choices. You could:
1. Call her house phone (Her father would probably answer).
2. Physically go knock on her door (Her father would probably answer).
3. Tell her exactly when and where to meet you.
Whatever the scenario was, you had to be skilled communicator. With 1 and 2, you had to make a good impression with the father. Number 3 is particularly impressive. Can you imagine if that was your only choice 30 or 40 years ago? Imagine telling a chick on a Tuesday to meet you at the movies at 7:00 PM Friday night, praying that she shows up and doesn’t forget…. We have it very easy today my friends.
You see what I’m getting at? The main point I’m trying to emphasize is that when there is no safety net (no real alternatives) for strong interpersonal communication, you must be a social person. You must talk with people and be damned good at it too.
I always say this: If you took a typical 20 year old from today and were to compare him to a typical 20 year from say 1979, it wouldn’t be close. The 20 year old from 1979 would absolutely be a better communicator and would in general just be a lot calmer. He’s been exposed to one main form of communication, talking to others. The 20 year old from today has been exposed to a bunch of tech-based stuff that could mess him up and has all these means of communicating with others. It’s too much. Let’s get a better sense of what excessive technology has done.
The Present
I previously wrote about how too much information has ruined a generation. Too much technology is the root of the problem. We are far past the tipping point. Over the past decade or so, the problem has really gotten out of hand. There are so many dudes who are just very socially uncoordinated. They don’t know how to communicate with people in person. Everything to them is virtual. They prefer texting, Facebook messaging, watching YouTube videos… whatever.
I have a unique perspective on this (my entire generation does). Someone my age was sort of right in the middle of the big increase in communications technology. I still remember a time when all we had in my house was a television and house phone. I actually remember when my parents got our first computer. And then they started using cell phones. And little by little over the years, they started getting more devices in the house. And finally today, they got i-pods, i-pads, smartphones…
I guess I lucked out because I grew up at the right time. I lived long enough to establish a solid base of strong interpersonal communication skills before the rapid growth in technology had a chance to screw up my development. And even then, my parents took a lot of preventive steps to basically preserve that old-school level of communication. I didn’t get a cell phone until sophomore year of high school and I barely played video games.
If you take a look around at kids in their early 20’s and under, there is a growing obsession with technology. People are absolutely addicted. People are constantly on their smartphones glued to Facebook, Instagram, texting, and other apps like Snapchat. Balance is very rare.
As a result, there isn’t that much emphasis placed on communicating with others in person. Sit down at a typical family dinner. More often than not, there will be at least one family member texting away.
But getting back to my point about dudes in particular who lack social skills or are awkward around people, this is very common. From what I have seen with the guys I have worked with on with this, it’s more often the case that they over indulge in technology use.
I’ve even seen a few comments on previous posts where dudes admit that they were guilty of video game addiction or wasting their entire day on the Internet, so the problem definitely exists. The questions is, how are we going to solve it? I’ll tell you.
Turn Back the Clock
The problem is that today’s overabundance of technology has made being a social guy very difficult. Technology use can be addicting and it can certainly create this false sense of replacement where people think that it can almost take the place of basic interpersonal communication between people. This is not true. All the time/energy you spend glued to your smartphone or browsing useless websites is energy that could have been spent on getting out of the house and interacting with people.
It doesn’t have to be anything fancy or complicated. Get out of the house and do you. The only difference is that you should focus on taking advantage of all these little opportunities that pop up during the day to make small talk. Walk down the street. Say a simple “Hi.” to every few people.
I understand that this is easier said than done, especially if you have years of social anxiety that have prevented you from breaking out of your shell. That’s where turn back the clock comes in.
What turn back the clock means is to basically place evolutionary pressure on yourself to work on becoming social.
I’m not a doctor. I spent zero years studying anxiety in school. But I do know that in most instances the old-school crushes the new-school in pretty much everything. So that’s what this is. It’s a placing your body and mind under old-school constraints.
I actually got this idea from my favorite athlete, Lebron James. He failed miserably in the 2011 NBA Finals. A big part of his problem was the fact that he acknowledged all the noise. He lost focus because he was listening to all the haters on ESPN, the news, Twitter…. Just drowning in all that negative noise. He thought too much and even began to doubt his own abilities.
So what did he do? He unplugged. That’s right. During the entire 2012 NBA Playoffs, King James had his phone shut off and didn’t go on the Internet. All he did was listen to music and read books before games. He won his first ring that year. Next year he did the same thing. Once the playoffs hit, he turned back the clock. No phone, no Twitter, no Instagram… just focus on the mission. And he succeeded by winning his second ring, beating the Spurs in 7 games. Two years in a row Lebron turned back the clock and unplugged… two years in a row he’s won a ring. If you don’t believe me check it out.
I was so inspired by this that I actually tried this out last summer. I turned my phone off and didn’t touch a computer for 2 weeks. What I noticed was that it gave me much greater focus. Everything was simple. I only focused on my important daily tasks and only spent time with the people that mattered most to me. No Instagram, no YouTube… no problem.
I would be willing to bet that for you guys that feel trapped by or addicted to technology, turning back the clock by completely unplugging would have a lot of positive effects…. One of them being rekindling that natural desire to interact people.
Suggestions
I will conclude this article with a lists of suggestions that you should consider.
Spend as little time on the Internet as possible.
Shut your smartphone off.
Do not watch pornography.
Spend the majority of your day outside the house.
Don’t watch television/play videogames.
Take nature breaks where it’s just you hanging out outdoors.
Try your best to follow these to a tee. Ideally, you should try to ditch the phone/Internet/porn/videogames all together for as long as possible. Is it drastic? Absolutely. Will it be difficult? Starting off… you better believe it. But that’s what self-improvement is all about. How bad do you want it? Are you willing to do whatever it takes to get the ball rolling to build yourself up to be a social guy who is not shy and can easily relate with others?
Yes? Okay, then start by ditching all the technology that ultimately doesn’t do anything to make you a more socially confident person. You gotta really be in touch with your senses and learn to rely on your instinct. Unplugging and living under the constraints of 1980 will challenge you to become a more social person. You will be bored out of your mind. You will need to be in the presence of people and eventually start interacting with them. I said my piece now it’s up to you to do it…
Check out the video below if you want to hear more on just how important this is:
Sonny
39 Comments
Sonny, DO NOT STOP WITH THIS WEBSITE!!!
READING THIS GAVE ME THE VIBE OF THE MOVIE GOODFELLAS.
IN MY MIND IT WAS LIKE ROBERT DeNiro TALKING TO ME!
AWESOME SHIT SONNY!!!
I once turned off the computer for a week or two and i noticed exactly what you said.
Greater focus and life was wayyyy simpler.
Gotta try that again.
Hey Sonny what do you think about non-supportive parents (strict Islamic) that don’t want you to date women and in my situation don’t want me to move out of the house to a bigger city because we live in an small town with 30000 inhabitants.
If I do they won’t contact me again.
Should I just leave them?
I think you would help out a lot of guys that have Strict Religious parents by answering this question.
Haha yea I pretty much grew up on Goodfellas, Casino, Godfather, and The Sopranos…. so it makes sense.
As for your question, depends on how old you are and what your current financial situation is. If you’re under 18/still very much dependent on them for money/shelter then you kinda have to stick it out and do what they say. Can’t disobey them and expect them to still support you.
It might come down to choice for you…. You want the safety/comforts of home or do you want freedom to do whatever you want?
Everything comes with a price…
Awesome article!
I get what you mean about growing up with technology and still remembering what it was like and having a real life
Early childhood memories are playing on sega console but still riding bikes after school, then the ps1 came out, first computer,house phones were cordless, ps2, mobile phones, wifi, ps5 lol, now most people are glued to there phone screens, lucky like you I have been raised by a strong dad who encouraged me to play sports, get outside, socialise etc, but not confident in todays children, thats why they need good roll models and sites like this to balance them out and get there manliness back!!
Thanks for your comment! Yup, got a lot of knowledge/advice to pass along.
Sunny This is just mind blowing !!! GREAT
Your last advice you gave me was really great. You know what I did I made a small commitment to unplug myself for one full week. I bought a ticket to go to Holland next Friday to reconnect with my friends and just be very social for one whole week no computer, no phone, no internet, no porn no stupid tv or news. During this time ill enjoy…
One thing i learned while i was redecorating my whole house. Easiest way to change your lifestyle or your habits is to change your environment. Also good example would be moving from a country with right sided traffic to left sided traffic.
Sunny I am also wondering if you have any time you spend with people from forum talking or helping them ? I believe I can learn a lot from you. Would be awesome to get to know you and talk to you.
Thanks bro. Yea I strongly recommend everybody takes time to unplug every now and then.
Yea man. Pretty soon I will make myself available to talk with those who are interested.
A really solid article and I like your writing style – keep it up Sonny. Ill be checking out your stuff more frequently for sure
Thanks bro! Appreciate it.
Sonny, I can totally agree,
Deleted my facebook account two weeks ago and now I am much more interested in new people, I can easily get along with old friends now and ask way more phone numbers of people if I want to contact them instead of finding them on facebook. I think your blog is the best,
-Everest
I never really got into Facebook… you waste so much time on that shit and it’s addicting/creepy.
I remember sitting next to people in the library and they would waste hours just looking at what other people were doing.
Thanks man!
Though for the most part I do not miss facebook, does not having one an active one with a lot of tagged pictures/friends hurt your chances to date/hook up with hot/popular girls between the ages 18-25?
No. If you are portraying yourself as a strong/masculine individual and taking care of the shit that matters… not having facebook won’t mean shit.
I got rid of my facebook in 2009 and have been fine.
just wanted to thank u man, ur awesome!
keep up the good work.
Thanks dude!
hey sonny, i was reading through ur stuff and i wanted to ask u.
i think what i got from ur articles is ur saying not to focus on cold approach until i get my social life handled. right?
but like, it should be cool to approach girls u havent met before too right? like if she’s giving u eye contact. what if we hit on chicks on the daily? i get it that we can get labeled, but wouldn hitting on as much chicks be better . just saying cuz getting girls through social circle is so complicated to me.
im trying to be more social alrdy, but trying to get people to meet and hang out is taking a while to build a social circle
The best analogy I can give is going to the gym, eating right and using supplements. When you go to the gym, the most important thing to do is eat right. Supplements come second to that.
Same goes for social circle and pick-up. Your main thing should be social circle/having friends. That’s what is most important. Pick-up is a supplement to that. So by all means you should hit on chicks but don’t make that your sole form of interacting with people. If that is… it’s a problem and you absolutely need to fix it.
yeah makes sense if u put it that way. thanks bro
This was great man. You naturally flowed threw out the entire article and that kept me really engaged. I agree with you whole heartedly on unplugging every now and then and I never knew about that LeBron James story, very inspiring! (even though I’m not much of a basketball fan lol).
I like how you admire the 1970’s and 80’s. I myself admire the 18-19th century of Asia.
-Martial arts and maintaining discipline in the body
-Healthy eating
-Clean air
-Simpler way of living
Looking forward to more, in-depth posts like this one my friend.
Thanks man! Glad you liked it.
Great article here Sonny, I think I might try unplugging like Lebron did. Cheers for the tips.
I recently saw a video about dating life in the 50s. The guy asks out the girl to take part on a bicycle tour/picnic with friends. This impressed me because people seemed to have been far more creative back then. None of the movie/dinner date stuff.
What I am curious about: how do you “unplug” as a blogger? Do you just write your article on word and then go into the internet to publish it? Or do you make sure you don’t spend more than a certain number of hours online?
you can never really unplug as a blogger… But the truth is I just don’t have the time to waste hours browsing on the Internet.
I work a full-time job, am building up this site, work out, hang out with friends, hook up with chicks…. Time is limited.
If I’m on the Internet it’s either to check e-mail, work on my site, look at other similar sites once in a while, or check out ESPN… That’s about it
Thanks. I appreciate your always quick answers.
[…] must turn back the clock. That is the only way to truly escape the noise and uncloud your mind. Go as old school as you […]
[…] too much going on. You need to take time every now and then to unplug. You need to kick it old school once in a while by completely shutting yourself off from the […]
[…] You need social skills. […]
If you have friends living in other countries, Facebook can be useful to keep in touch, and a mobile phone is great to invite people to a party, set up a date/meet with friends quickly etc.. The problem is that many people don’t use FB and phone just for that, they play Candy fuckin’ Crush all the time (seriously, some of my friends do it at parties) and go on FB because they’re bored and look at other people having fun instead of doing anything meaningful in their lives.
Technology is meant to improve your life. It’s not meant to replace it.
Yea I’m not saying it’s evil or anything. Def great for keeping in touch.
But it’s very common for that stuff to basically take over someones life like you said.
It’s no wonder so many kids are growing up with poor social skills.
I don’t have anything else to say at this time except…thank you. This is a hugely important message that needs to be heard by everyone right now. It’s a message that needs to be heard by me, right now, today.
It’s a beautiful sunny day. I’m going for a hike.
Thanks man glad it helped.
[…] There are too many distractions that downplay the importance of social skills. […]
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[…] – How important are social skills? […]
Hey Sonny I want your guidance here, I know I have a poisonous mindset and I want to change it. While I do go out of my way to be a positive person, and I don’t give off negative energy to people, deep down I still feel pretty cynical about other people in college. Everyone is playing some sort of game all the time to make themselves look cool, posturing, one-upping each other, and avoiding talking at all to weird kids as to not lose social status. It bums me out and makes me feel insincere when I shoot the shit. It’s hard to be extroverted when this kind of stuff dominates your mind. How should I look at this stuff so I don’t think this way?
Being only 2 years removed from college I can tell you that before you know it none of that shit will matter.
That whole scene will dissolve on graduation day so you shouldn’t let it affect.
Most of those kids who spend all of their time are future lifelong wage slaves buying shit they can’t afford to run a race they can never win.
So fuck it. Don’t let their opinions impact your life.
Thanks man
[…] these things are great because they have made life more convenient… they have ruined a generation because they have made life too convenient and have stifled the development of good social […]
[…] me to observe this side of the Internet from a very neutral/unimpressionable mindset. Again, strong social skills and the ability to see things for what they really are make this […]