A poser could not have written those articles. They were too detailed. They were too realistic. They made too much sense. They were based off of actual experience and insight.
My original intent was for me to write those 2 articles and then never talk about dating/game ever again on my site. That’s why I went all out and made them 10,000+ words each. I fucking hate writing dating articles… really I do.
However, there is high demand for this information and I am one of the few legitimate sources offering advice. It would be stupid for me not to talk about it.
I covered a lot of information in those articles. Read them again (if you have not already). To be honest, I’m glad I’ve waited so long to put this series together. It’s given me time to mature as both a writer and a person. It’s also given me time to observe some of the broad concepts that PUA teachers/companies/students get wrong.
Here they are:
1. You can scam the system with GAME (PUA).
Game is not some magical thing. It’s not a great equalizer in the world of dating. In fact, if we’re being completely honest here… money is the great equalizer.
No one even knows what game is anymore. To me game is the smooth brothas hanging out at the barbershop I used to go to in North Carolina. Game is the music video for Blackstreet- No Diggity.
Now it’s like a bullshit religion or cult. No one really knows who or what they are following. What you have now is a micro-generation of emasculated man children who are desperate for answers… as long as those answers don’t hit home too hard or require too much hard work.
Yes, we are a generation that seeks maximum results with minimal effort. This is the perfect complement for the teachings of pick-up websites.
There is nothing wrong with consuming information from pickup websites/forums. In fact, there are certain things (certain basic truths) that you can only learn by being exposed to the whole PUA culture.
Unfortunately, one of the byproducts of learning game is that guys start to believe that they can scam or “hack” every aspect of life.
“How can I get the most out of this situation by putting in the least?” This is the territory where many guys inevitably end up.
– “Let me cut this line.”
– “Let me bullshit the bouncer and try to sneak in for free.”
– “I’m not going to pay for this chick.” (HINT: Anytime you invite anybody out for anything, you’re supposed to pay.)
– “Let me find every little scam so that I get something for nothing.”
– “Let me do everything I can to give off the appearance of being “the real deal” without having to do anything.”
These are some of the most consistent low value lines of thought I see pick-up guys adopt.
2. Dating (PUA) is a skill or a craft.
One of the most important figures in the realms of self-improvement and pickup is Steven Pressfield.
Steven Pressfield is a best-selling author whose ideas (and writing style) are constantly “recycled” without giving proper “attribution”.
Yes, these are affiliate links. Yes, you should buy them and read them immediately. Yes, I have read them and will give them their proper review in due time. Yes, the ideas within them have changed my life and will do the same for you.
One of the main ideas put forth in these 2 books is the idea of transcending from amateur to professional and how this process is contingent upon dedicating yourself to your craft.
Dedicating yourself to your craft entails sacrifice. It means spending all of your time on harnessing the skills/fundamentals associated with your particular profession.
This applies to hitting a baseball. This applies to shooting a basketball. This applies to writing. This applies to painting. This applies to drawing. This does not apply to dating and picking up girls.
Dating and pickup up girls is not a skill. It is not a craft. It is a component that makes up an emotionally healthy lifestyle. That’s it.
One of this main concepts that dating “gurus” and pick up companies gets wrong is the idea that dating is a craft or a skill and that the more time you put in to it the better you will get over time. This is not reality.
I know this because I see how common it is for guys to go through the typical fanboy process of dedicating thousands of hours (and dollars) consuming every piece of infield footage and every article based on theory (or lies) with little to show for.
They still have a piss poor dating life. They are still socially awkward. They still represent the same weak personal brand.
Reality is this… You are a brand competing in the business of people. This brand requires the harnessing of certain skills and brand attributes that enable you to stand up favorably against potential competition.
Social skills. Money. Lifting weights. A positive mindset with strong natural instinct… These are the things that matter. It takes time and effort to improve these things.
In reality, the craft is yourself.
3. The “noble” path to dating success is paved with repetitive failure.
Another idea touched upon in Steven Pressfield’s work is the idea of addiction to failure. He writes that “when we are addicted to failure, we enjoy it.”
For some reason, people are addicted to the glamour of inverting failure and turning it in to success. This is a dangerous line of thought because in a way we are relieved. We have yet another excuse to rationalize why we haven’t gotten actual success yet.
Sound familiar? This is one of the major storylines lived out and promoted by PUA gurus and companies alike.
The typical storyline goes like this: Expert X started off with a shitty dating life. However, they went through the process of constant repetition (going out and hitting on chicks) and experienced repetitive failure (rejection). But they didn’t give up.
They kept at it and slowly over time, their “game” got better.
This storyline (path) is based upon the notion that PUA gurus and companies are being completely honest with you. Do these entities have any motivation to stretch the truth (or just flat out lie)? More on this in a later part…
But for now all you have to know is that this concept of subjecting yourself repetitive failure is a dangerous concept.
It’s a dangerous concept because repetitive failure is not good for your overall emotional health. It’s just not. We are a validation seeking species. Deep down we need to see results. We need to know that our hard work is going to come to fruition.
Quick Story: Every once in a while I post on forum. One poster followed the typical storyline of seeking dating success and becoming a fanboy of Guru X and Company Y. He may have gotten some success (who really knows) and after a few years he thinks he’s enough of an “expert” to set up his own shop.
He decided to “argue” with me and one of his main points was that he did thousands of approaches (I believe the number was 20,000) and eventually “got it.”
To me the argument ended right there. If you approach 20,000 girls and subject yourself to that much failure, you’re a loser. There’s something wrong with you. You’re missing a few marbles. You’re not “all there”… there’s no other way to put it.
Impatience is another big concept that is promoted by PUA gurus/individuals.
“How do I bang the girl as fast as possible?”
This is a big question every guy studying dating success inevitably asks themselves. This is understandable. It is also incorrect in a lot of situations.
One of the overarching things wrong with this generation (I’m included in this as well) is the lack of patience.
How do most people stifle their potential? Why do most people give up on anything? Because they lack patience.
In the realm of dating, patience is what separates grown men from little boys.
Why are many younger girls attracted to older men (besides money aka “being established”)? It’s because older men are seasoned by life. They are concise with their communication. They don’t blow up girls’ phones with validation seeking texts in an unnecessary fashion. They are patient and understand that if a girl is interested they are on easy street. An interested girl will make the time and effort to make themselves available. They understand that they will never be in total control of every situation. Sometimes things work. Sometimes they don’t. They are at peace with this.
Boys don’t understand this. They don’t understand the concept of scheduling and that girls are busy (especially the hot ones). They are paranoid because they have yet to accept that not everything is within their control. As a result, they often shoot themselves in the foot (especially with girls that liked them in the first place) by over communicating and trying to do too much.
Unfortunately, many concepts from PUA convince guys that everything is within their control and that any situation (or problem) can be solved with game concepts. As a result, many guys never really develop a mature mindset because they think everything is a game or puzzle with a solution. They think taking action or becoming more aggressive is the answer.
PUA students falsely believe that taking massive action and “doing more” will rectify a situation.
Many times patience and waiting for situations to further unfold are the answers.
5. The importance of your lay count.
In the grand scheme of things, your lay count doesn’t mean shit. It doesn’t. I know guys that have low lay counts. They have had amazing relationships. They are successful. They are truly happy.
I know guys with very high lay counts with very little actual relationship experience. They are a complete train wreck. They are unhealthy. They don’t have too much going for them. They probably have some mental issues.
The point is that there’s too much emphasis on how many girls you’re been with. It’s an unhealthy mindset. It’s actually a detrimental mindset to that very goal (banging a lot of girls).
Here’s why: The more desperate you are, the more this reflects in your vibe.
Women are skilled at picking up on the energy that a guy gives off. They are repelled by neediness (inevitable when you’re constantly thinking about the next notch). They are attracted to old school strength.
In reality, “lay counts” are a joke. Everybody lies about it. It’s lost all meaning. Also, it’s nobody’s business.
I’ll talk about it more (not in this series) but legitimately banging a lot of girls has a lot of positives such as experience and confidence. However, there are also a few negative psychological effects and these can slowly change your mindset over time.