A sexless youth is a terrible thing to endure. Your youth is the time to live it up. Your youth is a time when your health and energy are naturally at an all-time high. In all honesty, it is a time for you to be selfish because your responsibility is at an all-time low.
You’re not married. You don’t have any kids. You are either in school or you are just starting off in the workforce. Your only responsibility is YOU. As a result, you should be living life to the fullest. If you’re young you have a big advantage because TIME is on your side. You should be taking full advantage of it living it up while you are young and single.
Maybe you are… but maybe you aren’t. This article and my explanation of the 3 causes of a sexless youth is for those of you who are not.
This is not the typical dating/PUA article that simply tells you “approach more girls”. Most PUA and dating companies fail to improve clients’ dating lives because they fail to identify the underlying problems.
Hopefully, this article changes that. Here are what I consider to be the 3 causes of a sexless youth:
1. Helicopter Parents (and their toxic conditioning)
Helicopter parents are parents who pay extremely close attention to their child’s/children’s experiences and problems, especially when it comes to school (but it usually encompasses every other aspect of life as well).
In other words, helicopter parents essentially micromanage their child’s/children’s life to the point where it’s basically mommy and daddy holding the kid’s hand throughout every experience… essentially going through life alongside them.
They are always “hovering” around the kids hence the term helicopter parents.
How can you tell if you have/had helicopter parents?
If you feel like mom and (or dad) are constantly taking over the driver seat of your life whenever a little challenge comes up… they are a helicopter parent. Here are some tell-tale signs you’re your parents are helicopter parents:
They micromanaged your education– They were always double and triple checking your work. On some occasions, they simply did the assignments (or even school projects) for you. Anytime that your test/project/report card grade did not meet their standard, they made sure to contact the teacher/professor and “fight for you.”
*** School and the grades you earned meant everything. “Don’t worry about all these distractions (basically any fun an emotionally healthy individual experiences during their youth)… just study study study!!!!… get good grades… then go to college… then get a good job and work your way up the corporate ladder… then you can have all the fun you want.” Right? Wrong. Sound familiar?
They smothered you– Expressing love for one’s children is great, but your parents took it overboard to the point of paranoia. In many instances, this does more harm than good.
For example, you have 2 options for colleges to attend (and money is not an issue). College A is close by and will enable you to stay in the house. College B is a few hundred miles away and you would obviously have to live in a dorm with strangers. Helicopter parents will fight with you tooth and nail to insure that you go to College A (and essentially hold you back from growth).
They micromanaged your social and dating life– They were strict on who you can and cannot be friends with. For example, it’s understandable that Joey’s parents don’t want him to be friends with Nicky because he’s “trouble.” But it would be a lot more valuable for Joey in the long run if he could figure that out on his own.
Not only did they tell you who you can/cannot date… in extreme instances they told you that you “are not allowed to have a girlfriend.” They fed you bullshit propaganda and lied to you by telling you that “girls are a distraction”. Bingo. Now we are getting somewhere. I want to explain this point a bit more but first let me just give you just a little bit more of an understanding of helicopter parents and their motives.
Why do helicopter parents decide to become helicopter parents?
Look, I get helicopter parents. My mother was/is the biggest helicopter parent you could possibly imagine.
Growing up, she discouraged me from doing everything that made my youth as enjoyable as it was/currently is.
– She discouraged me from lifting weights.
– She discouraged me from dating.
– She discouraged me from having friends and partying.
– She discouraged me from going away for college.
– She discouraged me from listening to rap music.
The reason why I love my dad so much is because he had the final say. He kept my helicopter mother in check (sometimes it brought out the bad in him). If I had just grown up with my mother raising me, I would have grown up to be a total pushover and would let people walk all over me.
But as much anger that my mother has caused me over the years, I totally get her. She’s just an overprotective helicopter parent. That’s it.
Even though helicopter parents cause a lot of anger and frustration for their kids due to the feeling of constantly being held back, this is not their motive. Helicopter parents are not telling themselves, “Yeah let me really fuck my son over by not letting him go to parties or talk to girls.”
That’s not how they think. Helicopter parents are simply extremely paranoid. The safety of their children means everything to them. They simply take it too far and by doing so they rob their children of the opportunity to experience life for themselves.
In reality, they are very negative deep down. They are pessimistic people.
They aren’t thinking “Hopefully (maybe) something good will happen.”
They aren’t even thinking “I hope nothing bad will happen.”
No. Deep down they operate in worst case scenario mode. They are constantly thinking “something bad will happen” or “something bad is going to happen (I better step in)”.
Bottom Line: In many ways, helicopter parents simply aren’t fully qualified to be parents in the first place because they don’t know (or refuse to acknowledge) when to let go and let the kid live for himself.
How do helicopter parents contribute to a sexless youth?
Check out the video below where I give you my thoughts. Basically, helicopter parents contribute to a sexless youth because in their attempt to overprotect you (while you are still in their household), they do everything they can to cut you off from sex/dating (or anything that suggests it) and treat it as something you can ignore now and deal with on your own later.
“Don’t talk to girls… girls are a distraction.”
Obviously, this fucks you in the long run. For example, if you leave the house at 23 and your helicopter parents have fed you bullshit propaganda for your entire life that anything related to sex/dating is something bad or inappropriate… Guess what? That imaginary leash holding you back is still going to be there. Getting passed it will entail a definite recovery process.
The fact that I recognize the importance of this differentiates my private consulting services from any run-in-the-mill pump em’ and dump em’ “bootcamp”.
Yes, Lady Luck plays a huge role. She plays a huge role in life in general. Again, nobody seems to acknowledge this fact.
We really don’t have as much control over our lives as we think. Dating and sex is a part of this.
The reason is because our initial conditioning under the guidance of our parents plays such a huge role in who we become as adults. This obviously impacts our overall brand.
Luck absolutely plays a role in our sex lives during our youth.
– Our parents themselves and the upbringing they provide for us
– Personality (In reality, a “good personality” is very much determined by years of positive reinforcement, validation, and a sense of belonging among our peers)
– The people who we come in contact with
– The pop culture we get exposed to
– The socioeconomic standing of our parents/family
A lot of this is largely determined by sheer luck meaning it’s out of our control.
How do you move forward if it is obvious that luck is/was not in your favor? Watch the video.
HINT: Don’t quit. Strive for excellence 🙂
3. The Comfort of Your Own Room (And Inactivity)
The first 2 causes of a sexless youth are for the most part out of your control. This last one is within your control. Here it goes.
The Internet. Video Games. Social Media. Internet Pornography. Technology…
While these things are great because they have made life more convenient… they have ruined a generation because they have made life too convenient and have stifled the development of good social skills.
Gone are the days where you absolutely had to leave your room for fun, entertainment, and sex.
Now you could have all the entertainment you want without leaving your room.
In fact, times are so bad that there is actually an epidemic in Japan known as hikokimori where nearly 1 million Japanese young men literally refuse to leave their rooms for years and by doing so have zero contact with the outside world.
This is not a way to live. There are too many great things in this world to see and experience.
Sex being one of the main ones.
Your room should not be a place where you spend a lot of time. During your youth, you should be active… out and about doing shit. In reality, you should only look to your room as a place to crash at night.
*** For you guys in college, do not do your homework in your dorm room. Get out and do your work at the school library (or wherever you can run in to people and make small talk).
The main message is get out of your room. Your room could potentially imprison you if you let it.
Get out. Be Active. Lift some fucking weights.
Watch the short video below to try out a unique challenge that could (potentially) change your mindset regarding dating/social relationships. I did it end of summer 2013 when I didn’t have shit going on 🙂
** Concluding Thoughts on Avoiding a Sexless Youth **
You’ve been lied to. It doesn’t get better. If you miss out and have a sexless youth (or a limited sex life during your prime years) you will regret it.
It might not be the type of painful regret that eats away at you… but there will be some regret there when you try to look back on all the memories you have and there are none (or very few).
In all honesty, becoming older and growing up sucks. But it becomes tolerable when you are able to look back on your youth and smile at all the memories you have.
The time is now to start living those experiences because in the end all we have are the memories… All we can do is try to have a bunch of good ones J