20 Little Truths is a father/son collaboration article.
My father and I put a lot of thought and effort in to this. It’s the result of us sitting down together and talking for hours. 20 Blue Pill Lies was a solid start. 20 Red Pill Lies really made you wonder. I wanted to conclude this mini-series on a high note… by giving you guys TRUTH instead of entertainment (made up stories). So I got my father involved.
*** For those of you who are subscribed to the e-mail list, you know how important truth is over entertainment. For those of you who are not, you’re missing out… There’s nothing to lose. Plus, you get a Free PDF out of it.
I’ve talked to him about the red pill movement and some of the ideas promoted by it. For the most part, he thinks most “red pill authorities” are just a bunch of guys who are bitter towards women (for whatever reason) and simply lack real life experience.
For now, here are 20 little truths brought to you by the Arvado boys. Unlike the previous 2 write ups, each point includes a nexplanation as to why it is true. Enjoy!
1) You are a brand competing in the business of people.
You want the truth? Here it is… You are a salesman whether you like it or not. Your product is you (your brand).
Getting a job.
Your success and happiness is largely dependent upon the value of your overall brand and how well you can demonstrate that value to others.
2) College is a double-edged sword.
Society paints a misleading picture of what college really is. The media positions college as a magical experience where for 4 years you will be guaranteed a crazy college experience filled with lots of parties and hookups with tons of hot girls (just like the movies). You are also guaranteed to learn everything you need to know so that by the time you walk across that stage and receive your degree you will be set for a lifetime of financial success and happiness. Quite the storyline right? If only it were always true.
But the masses eat that up. The American college system is a business first and foremost. They want naïve parents and their children to buy into the scam.
Is college a scam? For the obvious reasons, yes. You see here’s what I know about the employer/employee relationship. For the most part, employers don’t care that you got a degree from a prestigious university.
They care about 2 things:
1) What can you do for them?
2) What is your experience?
That’s it. Unfortunately, you don’t really learn any job related skills in college. You learn how to do assignments and take tests. As a result, most 22 year old college graduates don’t have a valuable brand that really sets them apart from their competitors in the job search. They don’t have a solid skillset and they don’t have experience… So, in the eyes of employers, they would not be able to do much for them. They soon realize this (as I did) once they face rejection after rejection when they try to find a job.
But the icing on the cake is the mounting student debt which now totals over $1.2 Trillion. Today, we have a class of young adults who are truly trapped. They are mostly limited to entry-level low paying jobs (due to the lack of experience and work related skills) and are forced to pay back their student loans (average $28,000).
Why would anybody want to go to college? Here’s the other edge.
A college degree is a legitimizer.
Red Pill Authorities seem to ignore this. But it’s the truth… As much as everyone wants to skip college and live the entrepreneur lifestyle, it’s largely a pipe dream. You’re not going to start a business at age 18 and become the next Bill Gates or Mark Zuckerberg.
In today’s society, if you do not have a college degree, people will not take you seriously. You will be looked down upon. And people will automatically assume you to be of lower intelligence (and lower class).
The college scene reinforces how the world works.
In reality, high school does a thorough job of teaching you how the world works. But in case you didn’t get it in high school, college gives you another opportunity (with greater a degree of independence).
The most important lesson hammered in to your head in college:
Valuable Brand + Skillful Networking = Greater Opportunities
3) You cannot DO THINGS TO BECOME an alpha male.
This might be the biggest shocker to some of you but here it goes.
The term “alpha male” is one of the most watered down overused terms in the self-improvement community.
You see countless sources on the Internet giving advice on “how to become an alpha male” and how you should become an alpha male because girls are attracted to alpha males.
The most common advice you see revolves around the idea that “becoming an alpha male is easy… all you have to do is not give a fuck and do what you want to do.”
Here’s the truth:
You cannot decide one day to become an alpha male. Status as a legitimate “alpha male” comes from years of conditioning as a guy of universal respect. It’s the result of years of being the top dog (or amongst the top dogs) in nearly every social situation you are involved in.
In other words, an alpha male is a proven winner in the business of people. All of those things that add value (looks, money, status, personality); an alpha male brings more of those things (not necessarily all of them) to the table than other guys. That’s why he is so highly valued and given more respect.
I will discuss this topic in greater detail in a future article.
*** Not to call anyone out, but I have yet to see another red pill authority who is a legitimate alpha male. Most of them are just “Internet alpha males”.
4) You don’t get good with girls by trying to get good with girls…
You get good (better) with girls by getting better at yourself aka improving your brand’s value.
The more valuable you become, the more attractive you will be to women. The more attractive you are, the more CONFIDENT you will be. And the more confident you are, the more ENTITLED you will feel (as opposed to faking entitlement).
Most dating companies and pick-up coaches just don’t get this. Part of this is their fault (for perpetuating the PUA scam), part of is the result of them just not knowing any better.
Here’s the reality… I have never met anyone in my entire life who has legitimately gotten good with women (to the point of having whatever kind of dating life they want) by dedicating a significant amount of time to going out during the day/night to hit on chicks. Neither has anyone else in my circle.
Any time I have seen someone completely turn their dating life around, they all had one thing in common- They significantly improved their personal brand and became better men.
This brings us to our next point.
5) Becoming the real deal is a far better game plan than faking it till’ you make it.
Let’s be honest here… you can’t fake confidence and self-esteem. Positive affirmations can only take you so far.
You can tell yourself “I’m the shit” or better yet “I don’t give a fuck. I’m an alpha male and I do what I want” all you want but… if it’s not you, then it’s not you.
If you repeatedly try to tell yourself you are something that you are not, you might be able to briefly fool others. You might even be able to briefly fool yourself. But in the end a lie is a lie. You can’t hide from the truth.
Positive affirmations only have meaning when they are true (or are at least on the way to becoming true).
Again, if you want an example, look no further than the traditional PUA community. PUA coaches and “experts” thrive on selling inexperienced guys hope that you don’t have to become the real deal, you can learn this magical thing called GAME to overcome society’s definitive value system (looks, money, status) and essentially fake it till you make it.
The truth is you can’t. Nothing will ever replace real value. This goes for a lot of things (especially business).
So make it easy on yourself. Don’t try to lie to the world and fake it till’ you make it. Do everything you can to become the real deal… you’ll thank yourself in the long run.
6) For minority guys who want to experience the fast-paced party lifestyle with cool friends and hot chicks (like in the movies), here’s the cold hard truth…
It’s a white man’s world, the way you put the odds in your favor is by networking and integrating yourself in predominantly white social circles.
This is another point that is probably going to offend some people but it’s the truth.
If you fit the bill of a traditional minority stereotype (this doesn’t necessarily apply to black guys), you are not going to get a rotation of hot chicks or have cool well-connected friends by going out with a group of guys of the same ethnicity and doing cold approach pick up.
You need to learn how to blend in with the normal culture and that everyone is comfortable with. One of the first steps toward doing that is to start associating with predominantly middle-upper class white social circles.
Those groups are “mainstream” in the eyes of society. They open the most doors and offer the most valuable networking opportunities.
7) The most important thing in life is YOUR HEALTH.
Any old wise person will tell you this.
It’s amazing how many people completely disregard their health by not exercising and eating unhealthy food.
Life is a lot better when you look good and feel good. This is common sense.
8) Marriage can work… but it’s not for everyone.
A successful marriage is dependent on 2 things (not including financial stability).
1) The man knows his wife.
2) The man knows himself.
Most marriages are doomed to failure because the man does not have a full understanding of either.
Let’s start with the woman. Your wife is your life partner. She comes first (second if you have children). You’re supposed to trust her with your money and children.
That’s a huge responsibility and it is imperative that you know everything about the woman you choose to fulfill that role.
You need to know her past. You need to know her present. Most importantly, you need to be able to accurately project her future.
Ultimately, you must be able to read her like a book because this will enable you to communicate with her to the best of your ability.
Now let’s look at you. You must look yourself in the mirror and be honest with yourself.
You must know yourself inside and out. Knowing everything about yourself is the basis of confidence in your brand and it enables you to lead and make important decisions.
This kind of knowledge and experience cannot be rushed. It comes with time and being seasoned by life which is why most men today should not even consider marriage before the age of 35.
9) Only burn bridges when absolutely necessary.
Again, many “authorities” on the Internet seem to preach a trigger happy approach toward people.
They instruct people to “immediately cut people off” for even the smallest little things.
This is a one dimensional mindset. Think of it this way… a person might think he is a big bad alpha male because he says “I cut them off” but what if that contact could have been a powerful business ally down the road? If that’s the case, the person has effectively cut themselves off as well.
Bottom line: Don’t be too trigger happy to “trim the fat”. Keep em’ dangling just a little bit longer before you pull the trigger.
10) The way you get friends (and keep them) is by providing VALUE that they need.
Again, you are a brand competing in the business of people. Real value is always in demand.
When you bring massive value to the table, you don’t have to put any effort into your social life.
People will always be hitting you up, inviting you to parties and cool shit.
This starts to become evident in elementary school and continues into adulthood. Once you get married and have kids, it gets a little bit different.
Your “social circle” is mostly made up for you: friends from your single days, neighbors, parents of your children’s friends, and coworkers.
11) The way you get a job is by knowing the right people to get your foot in the door.
Getting that first job out of school can be very frustrating. I would know. It took me 7 months to get my first job out of school.
In that time, my resume and job applications got rejected time after time. I wasted a lot of time and it was definitely one of the angriest time periods in my life.
Eventually, I got smart. I stopped applying for jobs and started messaging alums from Wake Forest. They took the initiative. They started reaching out to their contacts for me. They started finding jobs for me. They got my resume on the desks of hiring managers.
I should have just done that from the beginning. Oh well, at least you guys will be able to once I create a “How to Get a Job” series.
12) The best way to get girls is… there is no “best way.”
The Internet (namely PUA websites) glorify cold approach pickup. In the early days of Strength By Sonny, I used to write on PUA forums as a way to get the word out. It didn’t help.
The guys on the forums hated me. They hated me because I’m the stereotypical guy that got laid a lot in high school and college while they played video games and jerked off into a tissue.
“Seduction” is like a religion to many of those guys… there’s no getting through to them.
One time I caused “flame war” because I talked about all the pussy I got in college. I told them the truth. It was all social circle and knowing the right people. I wasn’t cold approaching chicks.
They ripped into me for that (and other things). They said things like the following:
“That’s not cold approach pick-up. It doesn’t count.”
“You know nothing about seducing women.”
“You’re a good looking guy with a lot of friends running chestbrah game, doesn’t make you a master seductionist.”
Here’s what I told them: “I don’t give a shit.”
I don’t know about you guys but when I bang a hot chick I’m not thinking… “Geez it really sucks that my friend Pat’s girlfriend introduced me to her friend Sarah. The pussy would have been so much better if I had met her daygaming at the mall instead.”
Pussy is pussy. It doesn’t matter how you get it. The idea that getting girls from cold approach is somehow better than any other way of getting girls is PUA fanboy fantasy.
Truthfully, if you look at yourself like a business, the best way to get girls is to become the real deal and put as little effort into getting chicks as possible.
14) Working a regular 9-5 job is an experience that “seasons you”.
One of the biggest red pill lies the Internet teaches you is the idea that you should never work a job because working a job means you are worker bee for the system.
The truth is… you should be doing whatever you can (legally) to make the most money because at the end of the day it all comes down to dollars.
Also, while the monotony of the worker bee lifestyle DOES SUCK, it gives you yet another opportunity to interact with people and learn the psychology behind why people act the way they do. Most people refer to this as “office politics”.
Bottom Line: Working a traditional job sucks and you will eventually want to plan your escape (entrepreneurship). However, a job also represents a time period where you are “seasoned by life” because it gives you yet another opportunity to learn how the world works.
15) The red pill is a cheat sheet.
You’ve taken the red pill. Big deal. You’re not special. You’re not better than anybody else. There I said it.
A lot of guys that read these red pill type websites occasionally fall into the bad habit of developing a bit of a superiority complex where they start to think they are better than “normal people” because “normal people” haven’t “swallowed the red pill.”
Some of you guys have fallen into this trap when you e-mail me saying that it’s hard for you to relate with others because “no one lives up to your standards.”
Here’s the truth. The red pill will never be mainstream. If everybody woke up and tried to go against the grain by trying to become a bad ass motherfucker, society would collapse because everybody would realize all these lies we are told are just perpetuated in order to inhibit our freedom through consumerism.
So what’s the answer? The answer is to keep your head down. Don’t try to stand out and “convert” people by telling them “the truth” about how things really are. No one cares about your opinion and if you told them what you really thought, they would want to put you in a straitjacket. Just focus on yourself and think of the red pill as a little cheat sheet in your back pocket. Give it a look when life throws you a test.
16) Women aren’t universally good or bad.
A lot of guys go on the Internet to vent about how much they hate women. They then rationalize their own shortcomings by placing all of the blame on women.
They make rationalizations such as: “American women are not relationship material if you want a proper woman you have to go to Asia” or “Deep down all women are sluts who will cheat on you if given the opportunity”. All bullshit coming from inexperienced man children.
Here’s an analogy: Women are like eggs. There’s some good ones. There’s some bad ones. You just have to be careful not to be the sucker who gets stuck with the one with all the cracks in it.
17) The handshake business is dying.
It’s getting increasingly difficult to find old school friends who are loyal, keep their word, and most importantly, know how to keep their mouth shut.
If you’re lucky enough to find such people, make these guys your friends for life… You won’t regret it.
18) Being good with your hands is a surprising source of confidence in life.
The most “manly” men in my life are the types of guys who aren’t afraid to get their hands dirty.
My father uses his hands to cook, clean, and use tools to fix stuff around the house.
My uncle is a mechanic by trade. He has used tools his entire life to fix cars. He’s also a fisherman and regularly uses live eels as bait.
My best friend from high school is a blue collar old-school knock around guy from Brooklyn. He has worked manual labor jobs his entire life and now works in the shipping industry.
My best friends in Austin are all from East Texas… real “woodsman” type of guys that hunt, fish, and could all probably build a house from scratch.
All of those guys come from different walks of life. They are all different shapes and sizes… But the one thing they have in common is that they are all very confident and are all very secure with who they are.
One common theme I have seen with almost every single one of my clients from my live consulting programs is their lack of experience using their hands… this has contributed to their overall lack of confidence in life.
Ex. One of my former clients from a few months back was avoiding the gym because he didn’t want people to think he looked stupid when he messed up.
Although he wanted to just work on “getting a rotation of hot fuck buddies” this represented a much larger problem that needed to be addressed immediately.
Going out for 3 days doing nothing but cold approach would have done jack shit for him. It just would have made him an even more socially awkward kid who was unsure of himself. Moving forward, the answer was to start “manning this kid up” so that he could develop some real confidence in himself… none of that “I am enough” bullshit.
It makes you really think about what’s important in life…
19) Society defines who we are.
It’s the truth. We can tell ourselves how awesome we are all we want but in the end it comes down to what value you bring to the table.
Society has its own markers of value that people universally accept and follow (looks, money, perceived status, personality/communicated skills).
These are the criteria upon which we are all judged.
You can fight it all you want. You can say: “Fuck the system. No one can judge me.” But in the end if you want to happily exist in mainstream society, you’re going to have play by those rules by offering what’s valuable.
20) Lady Luck is very real.
I’m not talking about winning the Lotto or hitting it big on the slots.
I’m talking about good fortune… meeting certain people at just the right moment, life throwing certain “signs” your way, or even learning something right when you need it.
That’s very real.
Is there a way to improve your odds of this?
I don’t know… maybe.
It’s something that’s been on my mind for a while now.
I’ve said my piece. Let’s hear yours.