Sonny’s Guide on Game: The 10 Laws on How to Get Girls (Part II)
Before we get started, I just wanted to take the time to thank you guys for all the positive feedback on Part I. I do think this area should be taught a certain way so that there is no confusion going forward. No tricks. No marketing scams where I am constantly changing the principles that works.
This is it. Just ten simple laws that the Strength By Sonny community can refer back to for years to come. There will be no contradictions. Any article, program, or video that I will ever create on this topic will directly relate back to these ten laws. I truly believe that this is an important topic for men of all ages. My overall goal is to help men create the best lifestyle for themselves. In my opinion, the ideal lifestyle for men involves attractive women.
If you are a guy who lives a life without women, you are in the same boat as a prisoner. It’s torture. It’s actually not as rare as you might think. The population of guys who do not have the necessary foundation of social coordination and just general knowledge on women is only going to increase over time. You can thank an overabundance of technology and lack of truly masculine role models for the withering of raw instinct and pussification of the modern man. A lot of single guys do not get laid/have any kind of dating life. That’s not a way to live and if you have found my site then I’m sure you realize this.
This part will follow the same format as Part I. It will cover the final five laws that I believe must be understood going forward if you are going to create the dating life you want. As usual, I will try to include several personal examples and stories with each law in order to prove the validity of my point and give you an insight into my own experiences seeing the law played out. Are you ready? Ok, here we go. Here are the last five laws that I consider important in learning how to get girls.
Law 6: Cold Approach is Cool… But it’s not KING
I’ll start my discussion of by going over (in detail) the good and the bad of cold approach. Then I’ll talk about what is king. For the record, I think cold approach pick-up is one of the greatest things a guy can at least become aware of. Really I do. Think about normal (blue pill) guys. Try to envision how they see the world. Do you know how difficult it is to straight up go up to a chick and approach her? It’s easy for me and I’m you guys feel the same way. But really think about your normal everyday dude who pretty much believes all the crap that society tells him. To him approaching a chick is absolutely terrifying. “What if I get rejected?” “What if she freaks out?” “I don’t wanna look stupid or creepy.” They have all these negative thoughts that prevent them from just going for it. You wanna know something sad?
The majority of men will go their entire lives without approaching a chick. There is no adventure, no leap of faith they just settle for what they can get. Life for them is essentially a collection missed opportunities and just flat out never taking the shot. How many times do you see a hot chick walk past a dude and that dude stops dead in tracks to turn around and go holla at her? You rarely see that. No, instead, what you see is the dude usually can’t keep eye contact and looks down as he walks by. Then he turns around to check her out from behind. Walk around any city. You will see this very often.
Why Cold Approach is Good
What cold approach does do is give that guys the courage to actually take that shot and see what happens. When done right, cold approach teaches you to make the most of your dating life by being efficient with your time. I can’t stand hearing guys talk about how difficult it to meet women today and how they don’t know where to look. It’s not that they don’t know where to look it’s that they don’t open their eyes…. Attractive women are everywhere. Most dudes get out of the house on a daily basis, they’re just totally oblivious to all these opportunities they are missing to hit on chicks.
Starbucks, the gym, the park, the grocery store, in traffic, the subway, the mall, the bookstore…
Most dudes will encounter hot chicks at these places and just let these opportunities slip by on a daily basis. They go through life never knowing, just wondering what if. Who knows? Maybe that hot chick shopping by herself at Whole Foods at 8:00 PM on a Friday night is at a 10 on the Downness Scale and needs to tipdrilled ASAP. Maybe not. The only way to find out is by going up, talking to her, and seeing what her deal is through screening.
The bottom line is that cold approach takes BALLS. It really does. It takes balls to go up to a hot chick (who is a stranger by the way) and tell her that you think she’s really cute and you wanted to meet her. Learning to do that and having that courage to go after what you want helps set up an amazing foundation for success in many aspects of life. All you can really do is take the shot and hope for the best. People always talk about living life to the fullest. You know what that really means? It means efficiency. When someone lives life to the fullest, it means that every gift… every opportunity that life gives them… they take it no questions asked. There is no wasted opportunity.
Cold approach done the right way entails that same mentality. Most dudes see a hot chick and the first thing that pops into their head is the million reasons why they shouldn’t approach. Granted there are some legitimate reasons where you should let it go or at least wait for the right moment. But more often than not, dudes have a window of time where they have the green light. When cold approach is done the correct way, the first thing that pops into you head won’t be the million reasons why you might fail. It will be the opportunity you have in front of you… the opportunity that you might go up to a chick spit some of that LL flow and get her. That’s how it’s done (mentally at least).
The possibility of success far outshines the possibility of failure.
Approaching a chick with the intent to get laid requires this mindset. You can’t be thinking about all the million ways you might get rejected. You need to be focusing on the possibility that you could be banging this chick in an hour. That’s the beauty of cold approach pickup. Now let’s get into the negative aspects of cold approach.
Why Cold Approach is not KING
Well, first and foremost, for cold approach to truly work, you must have a strong grasp of Law 1. I’ve said it so many times, but it’s true. The problem lies with the fact that most dudes that come into pick-up brand new are severally lacking in social savviness. This is unfortunate because they get brainwashed by the awe and mystery of cold approach pick-up. It’s like this never ending quest. They must work on their game and go through all these transformations over the years and then finally after years of grinding it out and hitting up bars/clubs 7 nights a week…. They will finally reach the advanced level and become COLD APPROACH PICK-UP MASTERS. It sounds stupid but that’s how a lot of dudes get brainwashed into thinking.
No. That’s just not how it is. Cold approach is cool. But it’s not some religious doctrine that you must eat sleep and live by 24/7 in order to become some master. At best, cold approach can be regarded as a glorified hobby. In reality, it’s actually just something you do in the moment as part of an overall lifestyle. More on that in a later law.
I think the biggest flaw I see with cold approach pick-up is the fact that it is very addicting. It really is. Once you become confident in something you want to do more of it because it feels good. When I first started going to the gym, I wanted to go to the gym seven days a week. I was addicted. I still had a life outside the gym. Nothing really changed. I still spent a lot of time with all the people that mattered in my life. It was just an activity that I needed to do 1-2 hours every day in the beginning. I don’t see that as a bad addiction because no other aspects of my life suffered.
The problem with cold-approach is that more times than not dudes become addicted to it in a bad way, to the point where that’s all they focus on. Life becomes nothing but pick-up. Friends, family, careers, and hobbies all get neglected in favor of the quest to become an advanced PUA.
When you think about it, the trap is easy to fall into. The typical pick-up client is usually a guy who is not very social and has not had much success with women. Some are very desperate and are looking for hope. Then comes along these Internet gurus who spew all this garbage about looks not mattering and that they key to getting girls is to become advanced at game. Since the viewers are looking for answers they eat it up. Days… months… years go by. They might spend thousands of dollars on products/bootcamps and dedicate hundreds of hours to practicing game. That’s how they fall into it.
The reasons why I have decided to include information on getting chicks on my site are very simple. First, I am definitely an expert on it. I’ve had this part of my life handled for a long time. I believe I offer some good insights as a result of it. More importantly, it pisses me off to see the current state of this industry…. For the most part, guys are just not taught the right stuff and waste a lot of time and effort. In many cases, they actually neglect the stuff that really matters (I covered these in the previous laws).
In my experience, I have seen instances where cold approach pick-up and the quest to become a slayer have truly ruined lives. I have seen absolutely terrible things happen to guys because they have become consumed by the chase. The most common thing I have seen is dudes following the game plan of trying to go through life as a lone wolf and just do pick-up all the time. They have no friends and just go about this without really having a clue. I’ve worked with kids who messed themselves for the next 3 years of school (high school and college) because their Freshman year they tried to spam approach girls at the school and as a result no one wants anything to do with them. I’ve seen dudes abandon all their friends because they thought they were chodes due to the fact that they didn’t want to holla at chicks 24/7. I’ve seen guys get knocked out at clubs because they refused to leave an unavailable girl alone. I know dudes who have cut off all ties with their family because they wanted to chase the life. I met a dude who spent over $30,000 on PUA. I met a dude who completed abandoned his family and left his career behind just to move to a party city and chase PUA mastery. He blew all his money and was even homeless for a brief period of time. I’ve also seen several instances of dudes going to jail because of accusations made against them.
I think the main point I would like to end with here is to tell you that I have never seen anyone truly get their dating life handled exclusively by pick-up. More importantly, I have never seen anyone truly happy when they dedicate so much time to cold approaching chicks. Do you know why?
It’s because truth be told, cold approach pick-up is a pain in the ass. It is. You deal with a lot of crap and it could take a lot of approaches to get laid. It’s totally random. Most girls are not down. Even if they happen to be sexually available, a lot of them are not down to hanging out with some stranger they met on the street. No matter how smooth or good looking you are, there will always be that element of randomness that some girls just won’t feel comfortable with. That’s the truth. When you rely on cold approach alone to get chicks, it can really be a pain in the ass. Going out all the time. The risks associated with bringing random girls home and sleeping with them. The rejections. The text games. All the approaching. Those nights when you go home empty handed and pissed off. Everyone has experienced a few of these. All of this garbage and most importantly lack of results can absolutely devastate a dude if he has never had success with women.
For that reason, cold approach should not be the foundation for getting laid where you rely exclusively on that. Cold approach simply is not king. So what is king?…
Proximity is KING
This is not a new concept. In fact, it’s pretty much common knowledge. Proximity aka SOCIAL CIRCLE is king. Being associated with the right people is very powerful. Seeing a girl and interacting with her on a regular basis is very powerful. This absolutely needs to be mentioned though because most dudes who study this topic just don’t get that they need to become a part of a cool social circle to give themselves the best chance to get top notch girls. They get addicted to chasing the dream of becoming a player instead of simply becoming associated with the people that would facilitate that goal. In fact, they actually look down on getting laid through social circle. Hardcore community dudes almost try to rationalize that “it doesn’t count” if you get a chick though social circle.
They just don’t get how it important it is to know the right people. Cold approach just does not compare to being a part of the in crowd. This site about doing things the right way.
The way to approach getting laid is to do the things that will give you the best chance.
Again, this is something I have experience with because over the years I have been fortunate enough to have always been associated with the right people. I was always a cool, popular guy in school and had similar friends. Based upon my years of experience, I can honestly say that nothing can compare to being a part of the “in-crowd” when it comes to getting laid. Nothing compares to just seeing a chick on a regular basis, developing that comfort and attraction, and then eventually sleeping with her. It just doesn’t get any easier than that.
Flashback: Summer of 2006 was an amazing time for me. It’s when I first started lifting weights and I also worked an awesome job. I was a summer camp counselor. A lot of hot girls work as camp counselors. For you younger guys (high school- early 20’s), that is one of the best jobs you can get to bang hot girls. That summer I hooked up with a few really hot girls that I probably would have had no shot with if I had met them doing cold approach. I was a good looking kid (probably the best looking guy counselor) with a great physique but I was only 16. Some of the girls were 18-19. That’s a big deal. That and lifting weights gave me so much confidence. But…. I didn’t do anything special to get them. I would run into them all the time and chat em up when we were on pool duty or something. They would get very comfortable with me. As I got to know them, we would begin to flirt more and more (flirted on AIM as well) until eventually we would both get drunk at a party and then have sex in some random place. That’s how it went down. I wasn’t doing cold approach. I didn’t have to.
I want to tell the story of 2 personal examples where this law was clearly followed. These are examples of dudes that were able to really go above and beyond what you would expect for guys that looked like them to experience for a dating life.
Stephen- I mentioned how I was friends with kids from many different social circles in high school, including nerds. This kid was the biggest nerd you can imagine. One look at him and you would think he would grow up to be the real life 40 year-old virgin or that you might one day see him on Dateline NBC. The kid was that creepy looking. We were both honors students and he was in a lot of my classes. As a result, I got to know him and I always thought he was pretty cool. He was a solid dude. But if you looked at him you would see him as a nerdy, creepy dude. He had the mushroom haircut. He wore the blue-blocker shades. He was hunched over and had moobs. He also dressed like a 12 year old and was into comic books. But he was my friend and I always felt a certain responsibility to watch his back. I treated him like my younger brother almost. Kids like him tend to get picked on in school and it wasn’t going to happen as long as I was around.
The point is… this kid had no sex appeal. Girls don’t look at kids like that and think anything sexual. It doesn’t happen. This kid could cold approach a million girls and there’s a chance he would be shut out every time. That’s how bad it was with him. However, little did Stephen know was that he was truly living out Law 6… he benefitted from proximity. He was friends with the right people. He was friends with me. If he was not friends with me, his high school experience would have been a totally different experience. He would have gotten made fun of and probably bullied. He probably would not have had any friends or he would have been friends with kids that were like him…. All of them sitting at their own little nerd table during lunch. He never would have talked to a girl (let alone bang one). Best case scenario he would have transferred schools and at least would have broken up the misery between 2 schools.
But that didn’t happen because he was friends with me and I had his back. I was a popular kid who was a part of the in crowd. I always made sure to invite him anytime I was going to a party or hanging out with a bunch of people. This kid was my brother. The only thing I asked for in return was that he sometimes drive if I wanted to drink/smoke at a party. Because he was associated with me, he also had a lot of friends in high school. He truly went above and beyond what was given to him and was able to have a true high school experience. Friends… going to parties. The highlight came during the last month of school when everyone was in full on party mode. He ended up getting drunk and losing his virginity to a hot chick at a party. That’s right. It was some chick that was just in our group of friends that he was always around. They were also in the same home room and were locker neighbors. It just happened. Right place. Right time. Right friends. I still laugh about it to this day. I really feel good about the high school experience this dude was able to have. Because he was friends with the right people… he didn’t suffer the same fate as most nerds in school. He felt good about himself and was able to really live during those years.
Now I’m not saying he went on to become a player. That would be a lie. But his high school experience and the highlight of banging a hot chick gave him a lot of confidence that was then transferred into his college years. He didn’t really party but was able to have the dating life he wanted (dated 2 girls in college).
My Father– This is a very personal example. Without my father, I would not be here. By default, there would be no Strength By Sonny. I mentioned how I benefitted from strong male role models that taught me how to operate. Well, I grew up learning from my fathers’ wisdom when it comes to dating. His dating advice that he always told me:
Hit everything you can while you’re young. Don’t even think about marriage until 30. Marry a rich girl from a good family.
He did things the right way. He partied his ass off and messed around for a while. And he married my mom and had me when he was 35. Once he got married and started a family, he’s remained focused and the only thing he concerned himself with was money and family. That’s the old school way of getting it done.
But for the purposes of this discussion I want to talk about my father’s single days back in the 1980’s. I would view my father as another individual who really went above and beyond what was given to him to absolutely hit it out the park with his dating life. He was a good-looking dude (more cute than handsome because he always looked so young). In the pictures of him holding me as a baby, he’s 35 but looks 17. He dressed well and was very socially coordinated. The only hindrance was height. He’s a little Filipino dude that stands 5’4”. For most women, that is too short. It’s definitely not conducive to anybody being viewed as a player. But my father was an absolute cooze hound back in the 80’s. He’s told me. More importantly, all of his old friends from back than have also confirmed this. How was he able to do this?…. through the power of proximity.
My father was close friends with some major players in New York City during the 1980’s. He actually hung out/partied with a few celebrities. My father and his associates absolutely ruled the nightlife during that era and lived the life. It was a crazy time… much crazier than today. To start off, during his single days, my father worked in the nightclub industry and had his own apartment downtown. So he had the ideal employment situation and ideal location for meeting women and bringing them back to his place.
Most importantly, he was a part of the scene and part of an elite social circle. His 2 closest friends were the following: a black dude who’s father owned a nightclub and strip club and a bank president. Again, it’s all about who you know and my father clearly understood this. He wasn’t doing cold approach. Could he have gotten girls off of cold approach? Perhaps. Everything was naturally taken care of. Handsome face, very well-dressed, a natural people person that everyone liked…. The only knock was the fact that he was very short, but that can be a huge knock. He certainly wouldn’t have lived the crazy lifestyle he did if he relied exclusively off of cold approach.
Because he understood and lived out this law he was able to truly live out the player lifestyle in New York City during the 1980’s. Anybody who knows anything about history and is honest will admit that it’s simply not possible to top the craziness of that era. It’s just no longer possible. My father was very much the basis for a lot of my knowledge on women. His influence is what has turned me into the man I am today. For this reason, I truly believe I offer a unique perspective on dating because of the fact that who I am is based on such a strong old-school source who did things the right way.
So What Do You Do?
What you need to do is take a step back and realize what works…. What will make this game as easy as possible and do that. I illustrated above that cold approach is cool… but it’s not king. Proximity (or social circle) is king. That’s what will give you the best chance to get chicks because in many instances that familiarity of knowing similar people has already set that foundation of comfort. That should be your priority…. Getting cool friends/setting up a social circle. Cold approach pick-up should not be your primary means of social interaction. At best it is a supplement, an activity you rely on to meet new chicks every now and then.
Law 7: This Game is both SHORT TERM and LONG TERM
One night stands are cool. They’re fun and exciting. Every guy fantasizes about this from high school on… going out to the bar or club. They meet some smoking hot chick take her back to the crib and bang her brains out all night long. What’s the number one thing every dude wants to experience in college? Going out on the weekends, getting faded and pulling hot chicks back to their dorm room.
What do you think Vegas is for? Dudes go there because they want to live out the one night stand fantasy. Chicks go there because they also want to live out that fantasy. But that’s exactly what it is…. A fantasy for the most part. There’s nothing special about it. Nothing epic really. You go out, hit on chicks, and if you’re lucky you meet a hot chick who is really hot/down and take care of business.
However, for some reason, the PUA community seems to equate one’s ability to get one night stands frequently with being good with women. That’s a lie. I know some guys that have high lay counts (almost exclusively from pulling chicks from bars/clubs) and they are terrible with women. They’re terrible because they can’t keep them. In many cases, it really was just a bad call on the chick’s part and they absolutely regret ever meeting the dude.
The truth is you don’t really need to be “good” with women on a communication level to get one night stands (short game). All you really need is to play the numbers game, be in the right place at the right time (meet a chick who is down/kind of drunk), have good logistics, and have a closing mentality. You have that bare minimum going for you, give off the vibe of a normal dude and you go out enough…. You’re going to get laid. It will happen.
However, the truth of the matter is, that only addresses the short game. I know from experience… very few guys want to perpetually go through living the player lifestyle of just hitting new chicks forever. In fact, I’d say that deep down a lot of guys do have getting a girlfriend as their true goal in wanting to learn this dating stuff.
For the most part, PUA stuff does not teach this. It does not answer the question of “Okay, I got the girl… now what?” It neglects authenticity and never really puts much emphasis on keeping the girl. Instead, it teaches guys, “Do these techniques/tactics to game the chick. If you can’t bang her, it’s because your game is not good enough. If you can, great. Your game is getting better. Keep working on it and one day you will reach the pinnacle where you have a harem of 10’s.” Again, if you are really honest you will see how full of it most teachers are. Because to most teachers, everything is quick… everything down to the way they do business. There’s no regard for really trying to help a dude out long term. The game plan is to get the dude to take a bootcamp as fast as possible. The teachings are also geared towards the short term…. Making up some stories about becoming a player by getting a few one night stands.
I have personally seen (and been contacted by) some examples where this situation played out.
Newbie in Vegas mansion– Last summer, I met a kid who blew thousands of dollars to go live in a pick-up mansion for a prominent company because he wanted to get good with women. He went out every night and had a few one night stands. He went back to school in the Fall and according to him when he contacted me, everything had fallen apart. He called me and claimed that his “game” fell off and he didn’t know why. He still went out every night and had only pulled and banged a few chicks. They all ignored his texts afterwards though. What happened?
What happened was that he was never good with women (or people in general), to begin with. Furthermore, his program never addressed any of the aspects that truly mattered when it comes to getting women and more importantly, keeping them. He got some one night stands in Vegas and thought that meant his game was “getting advanced.” It wasn’t, he just went out all the time in Vegas and had good logistics. Vegas was just an opportunity to get girls short term because of the nature of the city. This kid’s fundamental problems were never addressed… making him cooler, better looking, dressing better, more jacked, learning how to recognize the right people to associate with…. None of that was worked on. Clearly, there was no effort put in to work on this kid’s long term game. As a result, he’s sort of stuck in this rut where his entire social existence is going to college parties by himself (with no friends) trying to pick-up chicks. That’s not conducive to real long-term success. I remember the last question he asked me… “So how do you get a girlfriend?” Bingo. There’s the dagger. That’s the PUA community in a nutshell. Spend all this time working on mastering quick lays and yet really addressing how to get a girlfriend.
Let’s dig deeper and see why this is. The reason again is rooted in fantasy. A guy wants to get good with women and make up for his early lack of success so he goes on this never ending quest to become a player. The problem however, it that he never actually takes the time to develop himself into a high quality product (conditioning himself to be cool through a cool lifestyle). Instead, he relies upon learning pick-up with no set foundation. As a result, he’s a shoddy product and no amount of pick-up knowledge is going to mask his lack of coolness/social intelligence. He might bang some chicks over the years. But he doesn’t really have a chance to keep them because beneath all the pick-up tactics, theory and game…. It’s pretty much fake it till you make it. But he’s still the same self-conscious dude with social anxiety who is just not cool. Eventually, the girl figures this out and wants nothing to do with him.
Surprisingly, this represents a lot of guys who consider themselves to be PUA Masters or even guys who have “been in the game” for a while. They talk about going out all the time and constantly bringing home new girls and what not… but there’s one problem. Why do they keep going out? If they are truly good with women, why keep going out to nightclubs wasting money on cover charges/alcohol and losing sleeping trying to scrap for girls until early in the morning? And I’m not buying that it’s that fun and exciting. It’s not…. Not enough to spend years doing the same stuff over and over.
No, the reason why they continue doing the whole pick-up girls at bars /clubs thing is that they must do it. Their entire game plan for dating is based upon the short game. They are not able to keep girls and do not have long-term game. The foundation of social coordination and in many cases mental healthiness is not there. Everything is based upon the implementation of some sort of theory, tactic or trick that they read on a forum. They are unable to rely purely on their own instinct and just be genuine. They almost approach this in a robotic matter… pushing whatever buttons and using whatever manipulation to try and bang the chick. Again, there’s nothing necessary wrong with that if you are indeed looking for that same night lay. But what happens when it comes time when they do want to make that chick more than a one night stand? They just can’t do it a lot of the time.
So What Do You Do?
Well, my advice is to actually make yourself into that awesome dude who is naturally attractive versus relying on PUA as a means to skim on true self-improvement and essentially fake it to you make it. Women are fooled all the time by dudes who say they are good but in reality are jerks. They will cling onto the hope that you are a good dude even if you prove otherwise right in front of their face. They just won’t want to admit it. That’s not the case though when it comes to how cool or level headed you seem to be. Chicks can sum you up pretty fast. They can tell if a dude is cool or not. You can’t really fake that. More importantly, they can tell early on if you are going to be a needy just by the way you call or text.
Ultimately, you have to focus on the short term and the long term. You really shouldn’t rely on PUA to just go through life trying to bring home a new chick every night. You need balance. You need to become well-rounded. Best case scenario is really going through your dating life in phases…. Phases where you have different goals. At some points, yes, it’s a good idea to be in cooze hound mode where you are trying to hit everything. However, there are also times where I believe you should try to date one chick… if anything just to take a break from it all. In order to fully have a grasp on what works and what you are doing you need to get experience both in the short term and the long term. I would actually go far as to say the long term is more important because getting a chick in a committed relationship actually proves that you have what it takes to keep her…. Obviously, something you did was working enough to keep her around for a long period of time. It wasn’t a fluke. Do that instead of falling into the trap of constantly chasing the quick fix and only that for years at a time. Don’t be that guy that can only have a factory-like dating life where you hit a new chick and have to get a new immediately because the previous one wants nothing to do with you and viewed that night as a big mistake.
Law 8: You Cannot Win With Logic
I understand where most guys are coming from. I do. I get that most guys that get into this are usually very intelligent logical, individuals who typically work in some sort of computer or engineering field. And that’s great. They contribute a lot of value to society. However, when that same reliance on brains is applied toward getting good with women, it makes things a lot more difficult. And the reason is simple.
You can’t logic your way into a chick’s pants.
You really can’t. This game is all about vibe. There is no step by step method or list you can run through on every single girl and get 100% success. It can’t happen and it won’t happen.
Because of the fact that this game is about vibe and all these chicks are different, there will always be little adjustments that you must be aware of in your interaction. I guess that’s another trap that guys fall into when they first discover the community.
They begin to think of women as some sort of problem that can be solved with the implantation of a universal formula (in the form of theories, tactics, and methods).
It’s not true. There is no formula or method that teaches eye contact, social coordination, or flirting (the stuff that will really make or break you in a conversation). There’s none. You get that stuff by actually becoming that cool, attractive dude that women like.
Nothing good comes from looking at women like robots where you can just do/say the same stuff and use the same tactics to get them. I keep repeating myself but it is necessary for this law. You cannot think of this sgame in terms of formulas and equations. It makes you think way too much.
When it comes to anything in life, thinking too much is usually very bad for you.
For instance when I used to play baseball, anytime I was in a slump, it was usually when I was thinking the most/in my own head at the plate. I would be so self-conscious about so much…. “Is my timing right? Am I holding my bat at the right angle? Am I bending my knees too much? Is my stride too far when I load up? I gotta remember to load up. I gotta keep the front elbow down. I gotta keep my hands tight and inside the baseball.” Thinking too much often messed me up and caused slumps.
On the other hand, I didn’t think about anything when I was launching shots into the parking lot. I just went up there and did all the rights things I had been doing for years. I wasn’t going through this mental checklist in my head about all the stuff that worked and pressuring myself to do it. I knew what worked for me and I just did it.
The same applies to getting girls. I see so many dudes who study PUA and I can tell that they are going through this mental checklist in their head of what they have to do. Open a chick. Spin her around. Touch at certain points in the interaction. The result is that it doesn’t look smooth. It looks very routine and most importantly there’s nothing authentic about it. It looks choppy and you can always tell the chick is wondering to herself what is going on. The bottom line is it’s weird. And I’ve seen it way too many times for it not to be considered a problem that needs to be addressed.
The phrase “too smart for your own good” gets thrown around a lot but I think it’s definitely true for a lot of dudes who get into pick-up. They think too much and are too smart for their own good. They sort of operate in extreme logic mode of trying to hyper-analyze every little thing in an interaction and apply some sort of formula to solve the problem. This is a recipe for disaster.
So How Do you Fix This?
You have to stop thinking so much. Obviously, this is easier said than done. But I think the first step, a dude needs to do is truly understand that logic won’t win the game. Logic has its place in the professional world but relying upon it in social interactions is not a good game plan. Truth be told… logical, dry conversations are boring. Nobody cares. People want entertaining conversations where they are truly enjoying the interaction. This is especially true when it comes to women.
There’s a difference between a dude who goes through a mental checklist with a chick where he’s sort of just running through everything in a step by step process versus the dude who just wings it and acts in the moment and vibes with a chick. The first dudes comes across awkward meaning not cool. In the chick’s mind there is something off about him, which is why she has to go find her friends or go to the bathroom. The second dude comes across smooth and just plain old good at holding a conversation. There’s nothing weird about him. If the chick is available/down, this dude has a good shot.
The overall problem is difficult to fix because it is very conditional. I’m the complete opposite because I’m never in my own head. I’m not thinking at all really when I talk to a chick. It just flows. But that’s largely the result of my own life experiences over the years…. Partying, listening to a lot of rap, and being in the company of other people all throughout my high school and college years.
I do have a few ideas on how I could help guys get out of the habit of being so logical in how they approach getting chicks. I’m thinking I will work on these to create a future program.
Law 9: Success with Women is NOT a Skill… It is Part of a Lifestyle
I’m not sure why I picked that picture…. Probably just because Derek Jeter is so awesome. Superstar athlete taming superstar strange. Anyway, yeah my dating advice also differs from mainstream pick-up advice because here getting girls is not viewed as a skill. There are certain smaller aspects that absolutely require skills… such as general social skills.
But the bottom line is, this is a lifestyle. Getting good with women and getting laid is not a skill. A skill implies something that gets better with repetition and gets worse if you stop.
That just doesn’t describe how someone is when they are truly good with women. Here’s my personal example. From August 2013 until January 2014, I had one girlfriend. That was it. I wasn’t going out to bars/clubs or approaching chicks trying to get laid. I had one chick that I spent time with and slept with. Traditional PUA teaches that this is bad for your game. I had one-itis and once I was single again I would go through a period of time of being rusty because I wasn’t working on my pick-up skills. I would have to sharpen my pick-up skills and get used to going out again…. And I actually heard this from a bunch of guys I know that are really into this. “No, Sonny your game’s gonna suffer. You have to go out and work on your skills.” Ok cool story bro. Well, that’s not reality and that’s not how it played out.
Earlier this month we broke up and I moved to a new city. It was my first time going out regularly in a while… my first time approaching chicks in a while. This was my test did my game suffer? No, it did not. I was exactly the same person as I have always been. First week in town I hit 5 chicks and I had only went out 3 nights. Going out and doing that is nothing special to me. And to be perfectly honest it’s not as enjoyable as having one high quality girl to spend time with. But the point is, I’m someone who grew up viewing this as part of an overall lifestyle.
The only skill is people skills. The instinct and closer mentality is something that has just been solidified over time. Getting chicks or picking up chicks was never a skill that required specific repetition. The repetition aspect simply came about from constantly talking to people and being in the company of people because of my love for interacting with others.
Unfortunately, traditional pick-up does not specify this because they just emphasize getting chicks as a skill that requires extreme repetition… going out 7 days a week and doing hundreds maybe even thousands of approaches. This is not conducive to the creation of any type of lifestyle because there’s no balance. So many guys spend an extreme amount of time on this. By default, they actually do put women on a pedestal because they put so much time and effort into “learning this skill.”
You’re not learning a skill. You’re making yourself better in numerous areas and creating a LIFESTYLE.
That’s what you need to be thinking. Don’t get caught up in thinking this is some skill that you need to constantly work on or else something bad will happen such as you “losing your game.”
I’ve seen dudes fall into that trap so many times. It’s actually very common to read about on forums as well. Dudes “got out of the game” for a while and want to “get back in.” They see themselves as having to start over. Why? It’s because they were not social to begin with. They weren’t good with people and by default were not good with women. A dude who is fundamentally social and actually good with women will always be that way. He can actually never go out to a bar or nightclub ever again and still have a great dating life. He could have been married for decades, get divorced and decide to “get back out there” and get a new chick immediately. And I have actually seen that, where a friend’s dad got a divorce and was with a 28 year old about a week later. Why? Because he was a people person who made being an overall attractive person to people a lifestyle. One of the perks of that is that solid foundation of being good with women.
So How Do You Do This?
Well, you pretty much need to get out of the mindset that this is some skill you can master with repetition and an extreme amount of time dedicated to it. It doesn’t work like that. And the horror stories that see on forums of guys doing thousands of approaches and not getting any results should clearly indicate that. Furthermore, all the stories you read about guys who were so called “players” who lost their skills because they dated one girl for a while should also be a red flag…
This is not a skill. And it shouldn’t be handled as such. It’s not like baseball where hours of tee work will actually make you a better hitter. Hours of approaching everyday really won’t make you better with women or more attractive. The only thing it will do is increase your chances in the numbers game. But even then if you have glaring flaws… it’s pretty much a waste of time.
What you need to do is always keep the big picture in mind… that you should be creating a lifestyle. You should be improving yourself in several key areas of life that will just make you a better, more confident person. That’s what will enable you to build the dating life you truly want. That’s how you do things the right way. And that’s how you actually become that guy who can get high quality girls (and keep them) for the rest of your life versus the pretenders who view this as a skill that they can quickly pick-up on and master.
Law 10: Be Honest and OWN IT
It was difficult to narrow it down to a final law that I felt would truly make my guide complete. But I am content with this one. I think one of the most overlooked concepts when it’s comes to learning this dating stuff is honesty. I’m talking about honesty with one’s self.
You need to be honest with yourself. What are your strengths? What are your weaknesses? What do you want out of all of this?
Do you truly want to live out the life of someone who goes through life just hitting as many chicks as possible with no connection made and just live off of the one-night stand? That’s not me. And you know something, that’s not the majority of guys.
Most guys really just want a girlfriend deep down and there’s nothing wrong with that. Just make sure you own it. When you meet that one high quality chick that you really click with, spend time with her and try to see where it goes. Don’t lie to yourself. Don’t think you have to live up to some standard or follow some nerd’s advice on the Internet just because you have to. You do what you gotta do. You do what makes you happy.
Most importantly, you own it. Trust your instinct and do what will make yourself a better man in the long run. When I was dating that one chick, I heard a lot of talk from my “pick-up” friends. I just didn’t care. I didn’t. It was best for me at the time and it made me happy. Cool, they went out to clubs/bars to try to get laid sometimes. I sent a text and drove 10 minutes to get laid whenever I wanted. But I owned it. I was honest with myself and did what was best for me. I have all the tools to be a lifelong player… but it’s not me, that won’t make me happy. I’m someone who currently needs to go through phases of seeing one chick and then jumping back into animal mode. Eventually, when I’m much older I do plan on settling down. That’s me.
The question is who are you and how are you going to consistently get what you want out of a dating life?
I would also argue that this applies to the actual process of meeting chicks and banging them…. Having an element of honesty to it. Tell her you find her attractive and go from there. That’s a huge way to screen out a chick. It basically communicates to a chick what you said. You found her attractive and you’re interested. Everyone knows what guys like doing with attractive chicks…. So own it.
Most importantly be honest with yourself especially with this area of self-improvement. Most guys in society are not satisfied with their dating life. Most guys go out for drinks with their boys on the weekends, get hammered, don’t talk to any girls, and then crank down to porn before their pass out. They never do anything to improve their dating life. They just roll with the punches and accept what they’ve been dealt.
Don’t ever settle for scraps. If this an area that you want to improve then do something about it. Plain and simple.
I want to thank everyone that has taken the time to read my 10 Laws on Game/Dating. It’s a lot of stuff but it really just boils down to 10 simple concepts. I did it this way because this is an area that I want to help guys out it. A healthy dating life is important to a man’s well-being and cannot be ignored. I wrote these 10 Laws as the basis for anything I will ever teach on this site with regard to dating/game. Any project… any program… any video blog on the subject will all relate back to this.
There is to be no confusion. No scam where I am introducing new concepts or going back on earlier teachings. This is it. These will be my 10 Laws a year from now… 5 years from now… 10 years from now. I value these so much that if I had a son who just “didn’t get it”… this is where I would start with him.
My goal is that this will come to be considered the definitive guide on this subject that guys can refer back to in their journey to get this part of their life handled. I will always be open to questions you guys may have and I am hopeful that this will help as many guys as possible. That’s it for now. I’ll see ya soon!