Sonny’s Guide on Game: The 10 Laws on How to Get Girls (Part I)
Here we go. The hot topic. “How do you get girls?” How do you pick up chicks?” These are questions guys ask themselves all the time. Most dudes do not know how to get girls. Or they have an idea but they either don’t care (and will just settle for anything) or they have an idea but just don’t want to accept it and will do everything they can to avoid truth/fix the problem.
As I said in my “About Me” section, this website is about DOING THINGS THE RIGHT WAY. It’s about solving problems. This means that the there are certain undeniable truths about getting girls that anybody with common sense should understand when they are honest with themselves. Learning how to get girls is a topic that I plan on covering extensively on my site. Why? Because I am an expert on the subject and I genuinely want to help guys out in this area. One of the most brutal sights is when I see a guy that is hopeless. He is lost and he is lonely. He has limited (or zero) experience with women and he has no idea where to begin. He has no idea why he can’t get women and he has no idea how to get women. If you happen to be this guy, then this article is especially for you. If you are not this guy, then I still encourage you to read it. Because chances are if you have found my article, then there is a definite possibility that you have studied pick-up websites/PUA forums in order to improve your dating life. In many cases, this can do more harm than good but I’ll get to that later on.
This article (and Part II) is very important because it will serve as the foundation for all dating/game advice that I will ever give on this site. If you are completely new and have no idea what works, consider this YOUR FOUNDATION. Consider this an important checklist that you constantly refer to. Are you following all the important rules and the main points that coincide with them? I have made this guide as simple as possible because that’s how learning how to get women should be… simple.
If you truly follow the advice I have to give here, you will save a lot of time (and money) and you will be able to improve your dating life.
Before I get into that though, I think it is important for you to know who is giving the advice, so that you can decide for yourself on whether or not they are a legitimate expert… especially when it comes to the pick-up industry.
The pick-up industry is notorious for frauds and wannabees. Wannabee “pick-up masters” and wannabee “players.” If you open your eyes and really take a look at who is giving the advice, you will see that the majority of “PUA experts” are nothing more than nerds and internet marketers. Very few are what I would consider to be legitimate sources of knowledge on how to get chicks. That’s reality.
That being said. Let me tell you a little bit about where I am coming from as far as knowledge on dating/game is concerned. If you feel that I am a credible source who bases their advice on ACTUAL LIFE EXPERIENCE, then continue reading and I hope this article helps you out.
Sonny’s Foundation and Dating Life
I believe that a guy’s upbringing has a profound impact on his relations with other people, especially when it comes to women. I was very blessed because I had an amazing upbringing. My parents have always been together and they absolutely put 100% into raising me. I always felt loved because both my parents were always there for me and spent time with me.
Digging deeper, I believe the male influence a young man has in his life makes all the difference. Again, this is an area in which I was very blessed. I was raised by a very strong father. I’m proud to say that because that is a dying trend especially with the continued feminization of men (more on that at a later date). I also had strong male influences from my Godfather (father’s best friend), and my uncle (mother’s brother). That was family for me. My mother taught me how to do some important stuff like read, write, and anything else school related. But for the most part, I was raised by men. Real old-school men who had real-life experience on how to survive in this world and knew what was important in life. As a kid, everything that was cool or important for a man to know, I learned from them.
Here’s a sample list of the stuff that they taught me to do/activities they encouraged me to participate in:
play sports, fishing, hunting, how to shoot a gun, use tools, work on cars, cook, drive a car, fight/stand up for myself, do work on a house, manual labor, HOW TO GET GIRLS, the importance of looking people in the eye, the importance of keeping your word, the fact that it’s not okay to be a coward, the importance of being in the company of good people, the importance of friendship, the idea that family comes before everything… the list goes on
You get the idea. My foundation was rock solid. That was just a small sampling of the stuff that I learned during my life from the older male family members in my life. This has always given me a lot of confidence and great sense of self-awareness as a young man growing up. Look, this is important what I am about to say. Your identity is actually established at a very young age. This is the foundation. For the most part, there are WINNERS and then there is everybody else. My parents raised me with the best intentions kept in mind. They emphasized what they felt was best for me both short-term and long-term. I was raised to be a winner. Let me repeat that.
I was raised to BE A WINNER.
This has translated to how I have been able to relate to my peers over the years. I have always been able to relate with others and make new friends with ease. People have and always will be my greatest strength. Guys, girls, all different races… my greatest strength is my multidimensionality and my ability to relate with them all. When I was a kid people always wanted to be around me because I was a friendly/funny kid who was good at a lot of stuff and could easily relate with others. I was always one of the best at school, sports, best dressed, best looking (thanks to my parents)… you name it. Like I said, I was raised to be a winner.
This has given me a lot of self-confidence throughout my life, which has always translated very well for me when it came to getting girls. I ended up losing my virginity in middle school which I always felt gave me a big advantage. Losing one’s virginity is always at the top of the list for kids in middle school and high school. I checked that off at the beginning of 7th grade and it helped because I didn’t have that awkward time period of really questioning myself and walking around anxious/desperate to get on the scoreboard. I had a decent understanding of who I was and just started to build off that foundation at a young age.
Having a lot of friends, being good at sports, and being a good looking kid was always my basis for popularity throughout middle school. It enabled me to have a dating life when most kids did not. Once high school came, I pretty much followed the same gameplan… my own. For all 4 years, I pretty much alternated between having a girlfriend and playing the field/hooking up with a couple different girls from my school, other nearby schools, or just random chicks I met at parties random hookups happened more so Junior and Senior Year). I would say my options grew considerably once I started lifting weights seriously my Junior year of high school. In college, I did the exact same thing. I didn’t play sports but I was able to make a lot of friends and become popular mainly because I stuck out like a sore thumb (but, in a good way). I also knew who to become friends with. There were times when I would just date one girl. But for the most part, I embraced the college lifestyle style going out all the time and hooking up with a lot of different chicks.
In March 2012, I became aware of the pick-up industry and at first it definitely caught my interest. I was always fascinated by that movie Hitch and wondered how someone gets that job. At one point, I even strongly considered trying to work for a company. However, I have learned since then that it’s really not all it’s cracked up to be. Instead, I would rather just work on my own lifestyle business and incorporate my own dating advice as another element into that. No tricks. No false promises. Just advice coming from someone who figured this out and has had this aspect of their life handled from a very young age. In PUA terms, I am a “natural” someone has been able to get women with ease without having to study pick-up material. I believe that this makes me very qualified to give guys advice on how to improve game and dating life.
If you are still reading then get ready because up next are my top 10 pieces of advice for improving your dating life. These are what I would consider to be 10 truths or 10 laws that you must follow and embrace. I stand behind these laws and I attribute my observance of them as a big reason for my success over the years. I’ll say it again, this site is all about doing things THE RIGHT WAY. This means no shortcuts, no skimming to make it easier on yourself… these are the rules and you should follow them all the way if you want to put yourself on the path to doing things the right way from a dating perspective and give yourself the best chance of dating high-quality girls. Here is Part I. Enjoy!
Law 1: Master people before your master women
This one should be fairly easy to understand and yet guys who get into pick-up just completely ignore it. They get roped in by the marketing of PUA companies about how they can become a master of seduction and become great with women immediately. However, there’s one big problem…
The typical guy who studies pick-up on Internet forums is not good with people. In fact, a lot of these guys are straight up horrible with people. In many cases, a lot of them have severe anxiety issues. They are very much SOCIALLY UNCOORDINATED.
In addition, they also fall into the new-school mindset of instant gratification and the “I want it now” game plan. This problem never occurs to them or they just don’t want to acknowledge it. They just want to get good with girls as fast as possible, without establishing that necessary foundation of being good with people in general. I’ll tell you this and hopefully it will save you a lot of time and get rid of any confusion you may have.
You cannot become good with women without first becoming good with people in general, that’s means having the ability to have normal conversations with both guys and girls. It also means having a cool personality that people want to be in the company of.
There is no such thing as skimming on this important foundation of being generally good with people… being a people person. If you don’t have a lot of money or aren’t famous, then you cannot ignore the importance of establishing this foundation. If you want to get good with women, you have to become a people person. A people person is someone who can easily relate to people and establish a solid connection with ease. That word “connection” is very important… it’s what chicks talk about all the time. They go on a date, they either “feel a connection” or they don’t. Well, how do you get good at establishing a solid man to woman connection? You first have to become naturally good at establishing a solid person to person connection.
The general level of social coordination (people skills) amongst young men today is very watered down compared to young men in the 1970s and 1980s. The Internet, television, social media, video games, online pornography… all of these have had an overall negative effect on guys’ ability to relate with other people. Today, it has gotten to the point where you can never leave the house and still have all the entertainment you could ever need. Back in the day it wasn’t like that, you had to get out of the house and spend time with people if you wanted to have fun.
I had an advantage because I had a very old-school upbringing. I was always playing sports and spending time with all my friends. My father also strongly discouraged me from spending too much time on the computer/playing video games because in his mind that’s what “nerds” did. In fact, the only time I ever really played video games was around Christmas when I would get those Tony Hawk games and play them for a few weeks. I also played some of the Pokémon games on Game Boy. Other than that, I was out the house always playing sports and spending time with people.
It’s very important especially for you newer guys to realize this. It is impossible to truly become good with women without having that foundation of being good with all people in general. It just does not work like that.
So when you are going on different websites and trying to figure out if the source and advice are legitimate… that should be something you are focusing on when trying to decide if the person is a legitimate expert.
Ask yourself: Is this guy cool or does he seem awkward? Can I really picture this guy easily interacting with people or does something about him seem a little bit off? Does he seem like someone who is naturally attractive to people? Can I picture him being a dude that people genuinely like spending time with? Does he seem like a dude that can easily get the respect of other men? Or is there something about him that is off-putting or even downright repulsive that really repels people away?
Be honest with yourself. If it does not seem like the guy abides by this first law, then he is not a people person. As a result, he cannot be an expert on getting good with women.
To end this section, I would like to tell a quick story to illustrate my point. Last summer I took a trip to Vegas to visit some friends and ended up having dinner with them my first night in town. One of which was a pick-up teacher who had generated a lot of buzz on a PUA forum due to his own ridiculous stories and his claim to have turned a complete newbie into an advanced guy. This supposed “newbie to advanced” guy was also at the dinner. I was curious to meet this guy because I wanted to see it if was true. Since I am good with people, I can pretty much sum an individual up pretty quickly.
I knew immediately that these claims were false (or greatly exaggerated). He wasn’t the product of world class teaching. He was a kid who was absolutely horrible with people. He had zero people skills. He had zero confidence and I really got the sense that he had no sense of self. He was also socially uncoordinated. In fact, he had severe anxiety and I would bet that he had some deep rooted psychological issues. I could actually see it unfolding at the dinner table. Everyone else was joking around and talking about sports or whatever and this kid was struggling to interject. He was so in his own head trying to come up with the perfect thing to say at the right moment. He didn’t say one word the entire time. That was a bunch of dudes sitting at a table. By default, it was not possible for him to actually be good with women.
Did he get laid? Yeah, I had heard from several people that he had pulled and banged a few chicks since he moved to Vegas a few months prior. Do you think it requires any special skill to approach chicks all day and night in Las Vegas and get laid? Get outta here, of course not. My point is this.
Going out to bars and nightclubs and getting a few one night stands… that does not mean you are good with women.
It means that you play the numbers game. That kid in Vegas went out all day and all night… all he did was pick-up 24/7. Of course, he’s gonna have some luck and get some chicks because he’s bound to run into a few that for whatever reason were sexually available at the time. The trap that a lot of kids who really get into this pick-up stuff fall into is that they equate pulling drunk chicks from bars and clubs with actually being good with women. You don’t need to be good with women to pull chicks from bars/nightclubs. You just need to play the numbers game, have a closer mentality and eventually you’ll run into some chicks that are down.
That’s why a lot of kids struggle with picking-up chicks during the day. There’s no music blasting, no alcohol, and no distractions. You actually need to be good at conversing with people and in this case… be good at conversing with women.
Going out and spam approaching chicks at bars/nightclubs or even random places during the day will do nothing for your game if you have no foundation as a socially coordinated person who can relate to other people and be normal.
If you are a new guy (meaning lacking experience getting girls), getting good with people should be of greater importance than getting good with women. Master people before you master women.
How to get good with people
Well, the one thing I can assure you is that it will be a process. You won’t become good with people over night or over the course of a weekend. The ideal situation is what I experienced. I was raised and encouraged to always be around people and be friendly/outgoing toward them. That’s what you have to do. You have to learn to become friendly and outgoing toward people. You have to put the evolutionary pressure on yourself and condition yourself to recognize the good in people and learn to truly love being in the company of other people. Do everything you can to get out of the house and spend as little time in front of a computer/on the Internet as you can.
Law 2: A strong masculine man is (and always will be) the GOLDEN STANDARD
This is 100 % true and you need to realize this. By nature, women are programmed to be feminine and submissive. Men are programmed to be masculine and dominant. End of story. That’s nature. Dudes want to whine and complain about how the feminist movement is making life hard for guys in the 21st century. Get real. At best, the feminist movement can be characterized as a little annoying bug where feminists just want to keep talking about how all men are evil. Whatever.
No, the problem is that the quality of the average dude has gone down significantly over the past 50 years. The truly strong masculine man, in general, is a dying breed. Men are becoming more feminine. There are a lot of reasons for this. I’ll go over that in a future article. Let me give you an example of an average 30 year old in the past versus the present.
My Great Uncle (50-60 years ago): He had fought in World War II and was back in the US. He had a very busy life. He had a full-time job, took night classes at college, was raising a family, and put a lot of work into building his own house. He completed supported himself and his family. He could fix anything and knew how to use tools. He was a master of many things because he had real experience to back it up. He was a real, hard-working American. He was in charge and was completely responsible for himself and his family. He knew how to fend for himself. He didn’t ask his parents for any help or advice. He was handsome, had a deep masculine voice, and he knew how to dress. That’s a strong, masculine man. That sounds amazing and keep in mind that was normal for back then.
30 Year-Old Dude Today: It is a very real possibility that he still relies on his parents for help. *** There are some legitimate exceptions where he might feel obligated to remain at home to take care of a family member. There’s a very real chance he still lives at home. He tells himself that he’s just living at home to save money but he knows deep down that he prefers the comforts of home because there is a certain security in knowing that mommy and daddy are around. He’s got no backbone and even less work ethic. He has little to no knowledge on how to use tools. He can’t cook. He does not know to dress or even use an iron. He doesn’t take care of himself, has soft facial features, and has a soft, almost girly voice. He doesn’t have extensive knowledge on the basic stuff a real man should know. He browses Internet forums and thinks that he gains knowledge from this but in reality he is a master of nothing. What he knows is video games, Internet porn, television/movies, and Facebook. He is still very much a kid. He might work a job and be able to support himself but he’s not experiencing the world for himself. He is soft. He has yet to truly leave the nest and survive on his own. He is not strong. He is not masculine.
My point in that little comparison is that masculinity and strength are dying qualities in men today. This is problematic from a dating perspective because these are the 2 most important qualities for a man:
MASCULINITY & STRENGTH
These are the 2 most important features to keep in mind. Women are most attracted to strength and masculinity. What do women want? Well, from a materialistic standpoint, that’s easy… they want more of everything. But as far as traits in a man, they want a man who is strong and masculine.
You can study every PUA forum, theory on game, and pickup tactic out there… it won’t make a difference.
If STRENGTH AND MASCULINITY do not stand out in your vibe, then you are at a disadvantage.
Actually, you are right around average since most dudes don’t give this off in their vibe. Depending on how weird the world of pick-up makes you, you might actually be at a severe disadvantage because then you’re pretty much this creepy kid spam approaching chicks who gives off a weird vibe.
Now a lot of dudes may want to argue and give me all these examples of dudes who don’t look strong/masculine and yet still get a lot of girls. My answer to them would be to go read my About Me Page. My way of doing things is simple. The only way to do things is the right way. That means doing things 100 %. Strength and masculinity are the 2 most attractive qualities in a man. So, if you are trying to get better results with women, wouldn’t you want to maximize them? Plain old common sense. This website is built upon the foundation of strength and masculinity. All the advice I give here will point you in that direction.
Again, you should also look for these 2 traits when you are trying to figure out if a source on dating/game is legitimate. Ask yourself these questions. Does this guy give off a vibe of strength and masculinity? Does he appear physically strong and masculine? Does he talk and project himself like a man? Can I picture women looking at this guy and classifying him as “strong” and “masculine?” Or is he an average dude with a weak or even feminine vibe just spewing nonsense?
You want to give yourself the best chance to win at this game? The way you do this is by constantly improving yourself and moving toward strength and masculinity. That’s what women respond to. For the average, non-celebrity guy, the stronger and more masculine you are, the more attractive you are to women. That’s the golden standard.
How to Become Stronger/More Masculine
This is also a matter of placing self-imposed evolutionary pressure upon yourself. This is dictated by the activities you participate in and your habits. Here are some that come to mind from my own experience… a “Do” list and an “Avoid” list.
Do: Lift weights 5 days a week, take cold showers, listen to heavy metal/rock/rap, get manual labor experience, learn how to use tools, learn the basics of auto-repair, learn how to cook, take full responsibility for every aspect of your life, eat steak/eggs and other manly foods, dress like a man, have other cool friends that you can relate to, get out of the house, take a hunting/fishing trip, regard women as just another part of life, keep it simple, identify problems and solve them.
Avoid: Isolation from people, a sedentary lifestyle, Internet pornography, girlie techno/pop music, video games, hours watching television, loser friends, eating kid foods such as cereal and macaroni, staying under mommy and daddy’s wing past the appropriate age, dressing feminine, browsing Internet forums, wasting time on social media/YouTube, making women/learning game your #1 priority, complicating things, seeing problems and then trying to rely upon theory/extreme logic to solve them.
Law 3: Your Looks Matter… A Lot
Which would you rather drive a Ferrari or a Chevy Celebrity? Most of you would pick the Ferrari. Why? Because the Ferrari looks amazing and the Chevy Celebrity looks like crap. My discussion on this law will be very straightforward, it may even offend a bunch of people, especially those who have put all their faith into traditional PUA-dogma that “looks don’t matter.”
Your looks absolutely matter… and they matter a lot.
People want to talk about how “you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover.” But that’s exactly how the world works. If you are around people, you are being judged every day. No one cares about you or your story. They want the Cliff notes. They get that by seeing how you look, getting a sense of your vibe, and seeing how you interact with others.
How does this relate to women? Well, if you’re honest with yourself you will realize that women prefer to have sex with/date dudes who they find physically attractive. Just like guys prefer having sex with physically attractive women. Women prefer having sex with physically attractive men. I really can’t make it much simpler than that.
What you need to also realize is that people, especially women, can look at you and have a pretty good idea of who you are. They know. They know what your deal is. They see a nerdy kid dressed like a teenager. He’s quiet, walks with uncertainty, and doesn’t make strong eye contact. They assume that he is timid, socially awkward, weird, and probably not on their level. There’s nothing sexual about the kid other than the fact that he probably watches a lot of porn. In many cases, they would be right. Then they may see a big athletic dude dressed like a man. He walks with confidence, has a firm voice, displays strong eye contact and people seem to gravitate toward him. Women think he is handsome, sure of himself, and probably has no problem getting a girlfriend. Most of the time, they would be right.
There is a lot of confusion regarding looks which I think definitely holds dudes back when they are trying to learn how to get chicks. Guys see pick-up instructors on the Internet going on and on about how looks are irrelevant and may even see a few real life examples of dudes who don’t look good and yet have awesome dating lives. As a result, they put it in their heads that they’re not going to do anything to become more physically appealing and just become an “advanced PUA.”
I would advise those dudes to look at this site and recognize how things are done here… the right way. That means you don’t skim. You recognize the stuff that works and you do more of that. In this case, recognize that looks are a significant advantage and do everything you can to maximize them. Don’t put the clamp down on your dating life by doing nothing to improve your looks and refusing to acknowledge the importance of them.
That’s another indicator of someone who is a legitimate expert on this subject. If a pick-up instructor teaches that looks don’t matter or are not absolutely important, then they are not a legitimate expert. They are simply a marketer who is trying to emphasize the super important secrets of game that only they know. All you have to do is keep listening and eventually buy their pick-up product or bootcamp…
Listen, not everyone is naturally good-looking. A lot of that is genetics. But everybody can work on this aspect of their life and increase their chances of looking good.
If you improve your looks you improve your chances of getting chicks. I shouldn’t have to say this, but I will continue to reiterate it for the purposes of this article. Why would you skim on what improves your results with women?
Do you think that dressing better, getting jacked, and overall looking cooler will help increase your success with women? Of course they will. So do it. Dress your best, get in your best shape, and look you coolest. That will do way more for you than studying any pick-up material. Again, stick with the basics.
How to Improve Your Looks
You do everything you can to look better. Lift weights. Eat healthy food. Get good sleep. Get tan. Style your hair. Clean your teeth. Wear cool clothes and accessories. Display confident body language. Pretty much… if you think it’s going to help you look better and more confident, do it. It’s really that simple.
Law 4: Getting Girls is a BUSINESS
It’s that simple. Getting girls is a business. The question is what do you bring to the table? Seriously, what do you bring to the table that will make a hot chick give you the time of day? A beautiful girl has A LOT OF OPTIONS. Why should you be #1?
It’s important to be aware of this question because this will force you to be honest with yourself. Recognize your strengths. Highlight those. Recognize your weaknesses. Work on those.
You should always strive to be the best person you can be.
In all aspects of life, give 100% and do your best. That’s what will help you out a lot in your path to happiness. And that is what will help you reach your full potential in your dating life.
I won’t get too much into detail here but just hear me out. If you have the experience and/or pay attention to how people interact you will realize that women care about these things:
Status (or perceived status)
These aren’t in any particular order. Actually, it looks cool the way the words pyramid down though. But those are the Big 4 in my experience. If you are hitting it out of the park with those 4 things, then the world is yours pretty much. You could do whatever you want with your dating life. Conversely, if you are severely lacking in all 4 of those areas then for the most part, you are going to have a very difficult time getting the girls you want (or any girls for that matter).
Now here is where reality sets in. For the majority of guys that study pick-up and game, it’s amazing how little time they spend on improving themselves in those 4 areas. They spend hours upon hours watching pick-up videos on YouTube, browsing pick-up forums (and listen to anonymous, inexperienced sources), and reading other pick-up material. They waste a lot of time doing this.
I have personally seen this story play out many times when I have worked with guys wanting to improve their dating lives. I’ll ask them where they are in their dating lives and they usually tell me all the sources they have gotten their information from, what videos or PUA’s they watch on YouTube, and what products they got. The problem becomes clear once we go out and I study how they project themselves/how women react to them.
It’s usually not good. A lot of times girls want very little to do with the guy. And it’s certainly not because they haven’t studied enough game or applied it. They’ve spent hundreds of hours over the years learning game and maybe even approaching chicks. However, in many cases, they make the mistake of spending very little time addressing those 4 areas listed above. As a result, when they approach chicks, they’re really not bringing anything to the table.
They don’t look good. They don’t wear cool clothes. As a result, they have a lack of perceived status. And they pretty much just spam approach chicks copying what they saw on YouTube. As a result, they give off a creepy vibe and girls perceive them as weird. So when it’s all said in done, they bring nothing to the table and are just another weird scrub. And this is proven by their lack of results with women.If you are this type of dude, then my advice to you would be to take a step back and truly asses where you are in those 4 key areas that I mentioned. If you are not satisfied with your dating life then I’m sure it’s because you simply are not maximizing your potential in one of those areas.
Example: If you are a 5’4” dude with little muscle mass who doesn’t dress well and goes out by himself spam approaching chicks doing the creepy stuff you saw some PUA doing on YouTube…. Girls will not respond well to this. Most girls will think you are weird and will want nothing to do with you because you bring nothing to the table. If you go out enough, there might be some extreme outlier that responds positively… but again, that’s an outlier.
You don’t want to base your game plan off of the hope of running into the outlier case. That’s another trap that pick-up students fall into. They see some guy or hear a story of some guy who’s got nothing going for him in life and is always tagging hot chicks. Yea that’s him… that’s not you. He found out what works for him. Instead of trying to skim and aspiring to be that one outlier case, you would be much better off just maximizing all of the stuff that attracts women… bring as much to the table as possible.
How to Improve Your Brand
If you look at getting girls as a business, then the way you improve you dating life is by improving your business and the brand that you offer. But that goes for life in general. That’s why self-improvement is so important. You should always be working on yourself for you. Improving every aspect of life for your own happiness. An extra incentive would be the fact that you are making yourself more attractive to women.
Improve your looks by going to the gym, eating right, and getting good sleep. Improve your personality by surrounding yourself with friends and family. Just always do your best to be in the company of other people and avoid isolation/confinement in your house. Work on your career and get your money right. Status (or perceived status) comes naturally by working on those first 3 things. No girl really knows what your status is in society. But if you build yourself up to eventually being jacked, handsome, well-dressed, and someone who people like to be around… You will be perceived as someone who is strong and masculine, which is highly valued amongst women.
Law 5: Available (Down) vs. Not Available (Not Down)
This is an important law which is why I am choosing it to end Part I of my first game article. This is a concept that is very much ignored in the pick-up community… this concept of availability. It’s largely because traditional pick-up almost encourages guys to have a very negative, spiteful attitude towards women. The general vibe I get from the community is that a lot of guys are nerdy dudes who didn’t have a lot of success with women when they were younger. As a result, there is a tendency to go on this mission to bang as many chicks as possible as a way to get back at women for their failures when they were younger and prove to themselves that they are a pick-up master. They went from zero to hero and have become “advanced”… masters at seducing women. Ok, I know this isn’t most guys but I have seen this storyline play out quite a few times so I know it exists.
But the point I am getting at here is that because of this negative, spiteful view towards women, it has actually done more harm than good. This is because a lot of PUA instructors seem to hint that all women are sluts that want sex all the time and that by becoming an advanced guy in the game… any guy can get any girl.
This is a lie and probably the biggest scam in the industry. They disregard the concept of AVAILABILITY. In case you don’t understand it, I will keep my explanation of it as simple as possible and even include some good examples to demonstrate my point.
Getting laid is a numbers game. Always has been. Always will be. The more chicks you hit on the more likely you are to get laid. That’s how it is. Here is my first experience truly seeing the numbers game played out.
Fall 2008: It was the beginning of Freshman year of college. Me and 2 of my friends were finishing up some work in the Library and were talking about a date function for one of the fraternities later that night. Me and my friend Kevin had our dates already. My friend Mike forgot and needed to get a date last minute. So what did he do? He went around the library and hit on every hot chick seeing if they wanted to go to the date function. His opener every time was, “Hey you’re pretty cute you want to go to the KA date function with me?” Eleven girls said no. Some of them were creeped out, some had boyfriends, and some already had a date. The point is they were unavailable. The twelfth girl he asked said yes. She was available. She was down. They went to the date function, got hammered and he railed her out in the shower. That’s the numbers game.
The main point is that girls are either AVAILABLE or NOT AVAILABLE. Most girls are not available and there are an infinite number of reasons why that may be. She could literally be unavailable because she is in a relationship. She could be in a bad mood. She could have just gone through a bad break-up. She could have lost her job… Whatever. Chicks are very emotional and there are a ton of situational triggers that could put them in an emotional state that makes them sexually unavailable.
There are also an infinite number of reasons why a chick is available. She could be in party mode. She could be on vacation. She could have just broken up with her boyfriend or gotten divorced. You could meet her in Vegas. She could be in the mood. She could be in a relationship but finds you so attractive she decides to cheat. She could be single….
Whatever the case is, when you are studying how to get chicks, you must know and embrace this concept of a chick being either available (down) or unavailable (not down). This is why it is so important to have Law 1 completely handled. You absolutely need that foundation of being a people person and knowing how to interact with others. Most importantly, you to have that ability to recognize what people are feeling and how they are reacting to you, in this case women.
When you apply this in your efforts to get laid. That is called SCREENING.
Screening is basically the initial verbal and physical interaction you have with a chick where you are testing the waters to see how down or available this chick is. You are seeing what her deal is.
Is this chick down right now or maybe at a later time? Or is her vagina on lockdown?. If you are good with people, meaning socially coordinated, and know how to screen chicks… you will know soon enough.
I feel that’s a big difference between the dating advice I will offer on my site as opposed to what traditional PUA’s have to offer. I emphasize the importance of finding out whether a chick is available or not through screening.
Unfortunately, availability and screening are barely acknowledged in traditional pick-up because there’s still an overall fixation with the fantasy of being able to get any girl. You see this in exaggerated field reports where guys write novels on how they were able to overcome all these obstacles, barriers, and objections from the girl and finally in the end they were able to seal the deal at the end of the night and bang the chick after hours of battling LMR, annoying friends… whatever. Again, this obsession with living out the zero to hero fantasy where they overcome all these obstacles and emerge victorious in the end.
Furthermore, there is an overemphasis by many PUA instructors on the concept of plowing. Plowing basically refers to overcoming a chick’s initial rejections when a guy approaches them. I think it is a very flawed concept considering the typical dude who comes in trying to learn how to get laid.
The problem with this concept is that there is no regard for that concept of availability. Typical newbies go out. They are not good with people in general so they are already at a disadvantage. But they watch videos telling them to plow through even if the girl is not interested first. They plow plow plow… but nothing good ever comes from it they just make themselves look creepy and sometimes open themselves up for a potential for altercation. Since they are not good with people and in some cases have been brainwashed by PUA, they are under the impression that if they plow enough maybe something good will happen and somehow the chick will change her mind and suddenly become attracted. But that’s not how it works in reality.
Here’s how things go down (potentially) when kids are not aware of the situation (due to lack of social coordination) and insist on plowing. They learn about unavailability the hard way.
Kid in New York City: I was once out with a few kids in New York City. They were all into pick-up and were fanboys of one of the companies. I watched as they spam approached the entire night. Creeping out girls and imitating all of the tactics/pick-up lines they saw on YouTube. One of the kids was so-called “advanced.” He had been “in the game” for 7 years. It didn’t matter that he had only banged one chick. He was very advanced. Well, a situation came up in the club where he was repeatedly trying to mack some chick. The problem was that she was not interested and she was unavailable. Her boyfriend was actually right there telling him to get lost. She also told him to get lost. But he insisted on “staying in set” and plowing through because that’s what he learned. It was all a game to him so he recited line after line and tried everything he could to pump the girl’s emotional state. The game turned real though when he decided to pick her up and spin her around (like he learned from his favorite instructor). At that point, the boyfriend broke his jaw.
That’s an extreme example but that’s a definite possibility if you try to mess with the wrong people. Here’s a less extreme one.
Kid in Los Angeles- I was out with this kid in LA. He learned how to get laid entirely from pick-up and over the years he has learned a lot. However, he does not understand the concept of availability. He goes out 7 nights a week and tries to pick up chicks. He can get laid but it’s only because he really plays the numbers game. One night we’re out and he hits up some chick. He wants to leave the club with her and he makes his intentions known. She knows what’s up. But there’s one problem. She’s not down. She’s just not in the mood to leave the club with some dude she just met. However, he just doesn’t see this because he does not acknowledge the concept of availability. He spends hours trying every little tactic, trick, and moved her all over the venue. The end of the night comes and she leaves with her friends. She thanks him for the free drinks and bounces. He refused to just leave that chick alone and go hit on another one. Because of all of his time spent watching the latest pick-up videos, he believed that ejecting from a set where a chick does not shows interest was the chode thing to do. He had to keep plowing through. That chick was really hot. But she was not down. Maybe she would have been down with a better looking guy or someone she had a better vibe with… But the point is she was not down for him. If he would have had more social coordination he would have realized that it wasn’t happening with this chick and that he would have moved on after a few minutes.
Anybody who has ever seen me approach chicks (especially in bars and nightclubs) cannot believe that I immediately eject from set if I approach a chick and she does not seem down. It boggles their mind because they have consumed so much information that teaches them to plow through the interaction and blow the set out. This is absolutely pointless. But I see that their problem resorts back to Law 1… they are not good with people. They just don’t get that staying in there and making the situation weirder is not going to accomplish anyhing.
Now I will go over some of my own examples highlighting situations displaying chicks that are available and not available and what I did.
Examples of Unavailable (Not Down) vs. Available (Down)
A Saturday morning Spring 2013– I was still in school and woke up early to get some work done. I was in Starbucks and saw an absolute knockout. She was some sort of Latina or something. I went up and talked to her for a bit. I went to ask for her number and she giggled saying that she wish she could but she can’t. Then she left. ** A few weeks later I found out why she acted so weird. She had a boyfriend. I didn’t do anything wrong, my game wasn’t off. I did everything right. I was dressed well. I looked good. I smelled good. I spoke with clarity. And I had good eye contact. Also I was man enough to tell her that I thought she was attractive. Was she attracted to me? Absolutely. I’ve built myself up to the point where most women are initially. But… that girl was UNAVAILABLE. She was a high-quality girl that had morals that just wasn’t going to give her number out to a dude she just met when she has a boyfriend.
Fast forward a couple hours later after I had finished all my work. I’m on my way out of the Library and decide to rent a DVD. By chance, I meet a cute little Freshman who is returning a book. We start talking and she mentions how she’s seen me at the gym before. I suggest we hang out later and she gives me her number. She asks when we are going to hang out. I told her that I would take her out to dinner later. I just had to get my haircut and get food from the grocery store. I take her to dinner. We have good chemistry and I had sex with her later that night. No tricks. No gimmicks. I was in the right place at the right time. And I met the right chick. Unlike the first girl I talked to, this girl was AVAILABLE. She was a Freshman that was single and wanted some excitement. She also wanted a break from the typical preppy Freshman guys she had to see every day.
A Night at Hakkasan Nightclub (Las Vegas- Summer 2013) – This was an interesting night (and week) in Vegas because it was during the time when one of the major pick-up companies was having the annual conference. Me and one of my boys were invited to chill at a table that one of his co-workers had gotten. We chilled for a little bit and then decided to try and get some chicks. So we did our thing going around hitting up chicks. By chance we ran into one of the instructors who was running a bootcamp. He came over and said what’s up. He and his students then proceeded to follow me and my friend as we hit on chicks. It was annoying because some chicks were down but they kept leaving because these pick-up squids would swarm in and spam approach copying the creepy approaches they saw on YouTube. Eventually, my friend, one of the students, and I locked in on 3 girls. We were flirting with them. The other 2 girls with the other 2 guys seemed sort of down. My girl was absolutely not down. There was no chemistry between us. She was in a bad mood. And she wasn’t getting turned on when I was spittin that smooth LL flow I usually dish out. It wasn’t going to happen with this one. She was UNAVAILABLE for whatever reason.
At one point, the dudes were dancing with their girls while I just stood there with mine. The instructor came over at one point and was trying his best to coach me on tactics I should be doing. At that point, I left and as I did, the instructor immediately swarmed in and picked up where I left off. I felt relieved. I know I did the right thing and I probably only wasted about 20 minutes. Then I went down to the main dance floor and gooned around for a little bit hittin up chicks. Very physical… I screened for DTF girls. Most were in party mode and just wanted to dance. Some were with friends. Eventually, I found a busty chick that was 100 % down. She made intense eye contact with me and put her hands all over my arms as we introduced ourselves. Within 20 seconds were making out and she had her hand on my piece. Within a minute we were out the door going up to her room which was conveniently located in the MGM Grand. She was AVAILABLE. Actually, she had a boyfriend back home but she was in Vegas and wanted to hook up with a hot guy, so for that moment she was available.
*** Funny enough, none of those other 3 guys got laid with those chicks. That weird chick that I left earlier in the night ruined it for everyone. She got drunk and was ranting about how no one loved her and how her father abused her as a kid. That chick was extremely unavailable. I felt bad for my friend though because I believe his chick probably was down for him the other chick messed it up.
I’ll wrap up this section with a concept that I don’t think has been touched on by anyone in the PUA community. It’s very simple so it should make a lot of sense to you guys. In case you are wondering this is how I personally screen when I am trying to get laid, especially if I am out at a nightclub or bar.
Everyone knows about how guys rank girls from a scale of 1 to 10. 1 means you wouldn’t hit it with your worst enemies stick. 10 means you might consider clippin some dude just to have a chance. Those are exaggerations but you get my point. That is the Looks Scale.
Well, one thing I did with my friends in college was add in another ranking. I’m talking about…
Ranking girls in terms of their level of downness (The Downness Scale)
That is what makes going out to get laid nights truly efficient. You go out and you talk to chicks. You test the waters by interacting with them and screening them. Again, this is why that foundation of being good with people is so important because this is what will give you the ability to get a sense of how much the chick is digging you.
The ranking follows a similar 1 to 10 scale.
1= she wants nothing to do with you/tells you to leave, she ignores you
10= she is basically dragging you out the front door by your johnson
As far as everything in between, you really have to rely on your own instinct and be honest with what is exactly going on in the interaction. A 5 is the half-way point. Depending on the chick, a few drinks and some dancing may bump you up a little bit in the ranking.
So this differs from traditional pick-up because traditional pickup sort of just teaches guys to mass approach chicks and if you get a hot chick it’s because your game is getting better and you are that much closer to becoming a pick-up master.
I come from a much different school of thought. Okay, based on my experiences in high school and college, I can honestly say that you can pretty much wing it in those environments. Everyone is young, dumb, and in crazy party mode. For most people, that’s the time to be crazy and stupid. However, it changes once you enter the real world. You don’t really have access to those types of parties where that “nothing bad will ever happen to me” mentality is so prevalent. If you want to be smart and maximize your chances of getting laid when you go out…. YOU NEED A GAME PLAN.
You need some sort of system to go by so that you are not wasting your nights on chicks you have no chance with. This is the simplest most straightforward system I could think of that will keep your night as efficient as possible.
Ideally, you want to run into a chick that is high up both in the looks scale and the downness scale.
The jackpot is when you run into a chick with 10 looks and 10 downness. That’s money. It’s very rare though. I have been lucky enough to have experienced it a few times and I can honestly say it does feel like you have won the lotto. So if you get that chance definitely treasure those experiences.
But the majority of the time it’s not like that. Most girls in a club or bar setting are not down or are very low on the downness scale. Most of the girls that are down are average or below average in a typical club or bar setting. That’s why I laugh when the “pick-up experts brag about such high laycounts pulling chicks from run-in-the-mill bars and clubs. People think they are pulling 10’s. But they are not. They get 5’s and 6’s that happen to be really drunk and high up on the downness scale. They just happen to play the numbers game by going out all the time. Now does that mean a hot chick won’t get mixed in every now and then? Of course not. If you go out enough, develop some social coordination/ability to converse, and don’t shy away from that closer mentality…. You’ll get lucky once in a while a snag a hottie for whatever reason. And no it’s not because your game is improving or was really on point. You just lucked out by being in the right place at the right time and happened to meet a chick that was high up on the downness scale.
How to tell if a Chick is Available or Not Available
The way you figure out availability is by paying attention and screening the chick. Pay attention to what she is saying, who she is there with and what her general mood is. Simply put, you should be putting together a Cliff notes version of this chick in your head and always be paying attention to this question…
“What is this chick’s deal?”
That question is so important. That is what will keep your night efficient and prevent you from wasting time on chicks that you probably have no chance at banging. As an example here is a sample of what was going through my head during my first night out in Austin this past weekend. These are mental notes I make in my head that help me figure out immediately what this chick’s deal is. My goal was to get laid that night.
First hot chick I hit on:
Pretty face; nice body with just the right amount of thickness
Out with family and friends celebrating brother coming home from Afghanistan
Tells me about how she loves spending time outside and on the lake
We talk about NY (where I came from) and she talks about wanting to go
I make a few naughty comments, she giggles and tells me I’m cute
What’s this chick’s deal?
She’s a sweet girl that is out genuinely having a good time with her family and friends. She didn’t come out tonight trying to get sex. She’s pretty cool and I wouldn’t mind chilling with her. I could probably hit it if we hang out when it’s just us. But she’s not down tonight. She’s not available right now. I might want to hang out with her some other time so I grab her number and leave.
Hot chick that I bang later in the night:
Very attractive; amazing ass and legs
Out with friends having a girl’s night out
She’s a flight attendant and is leaving town tomorrow night.
She just broke up with her boyfriend.
I tell her she’s sexy and we make out.
I tell her all the naughty stuff I want to do and she gets her keys from her friend
What’s this chick’s deal?
She’s good to go.
I lucked out by finding a chick this hot and this down.
She’s got a naughty tramp stamp so this ain’t her first walk in the park.
I’m in for a treat and will definitely enjoy hittin her from the back.
She’ll probably let me bust in her mouth.
This type of mindset and this ability to sum up what a chick’s deal is comes with experience. More specifically, it comes from truly embracing Law 1… being good with people. This mindset also develops as you embrace the idea of having a game plan with a definite goal in mind. In this case, you want to actually get laid.
Since that’s the case then when you are out hitting on chicks, you want to find the chicks that will make this easiest for you. In other words, find chicks that already have a decent level of downness. But keep in mind, you should still have standards and also try to find a chick that is also high up on the looks scale. I guess the few exceptions would be if you’re still a virgin and just want to get on the scoreboard or if you just got out the pen. In those cases…. you do what you gotta do. Again, it’s all about screening.
How to Increase Your Chances of Availability
When you go out on any given night you have a certain percentage of chicks that are down that night. Don’t ask me what it is. Just know that the percentage of down chicks is far lower than the percentage of not down chicks. So what your goal really should be is and this is what I consider to be the highest level of success… when you meet a single, available chick you are able to get her. That’s success. People ask me… “Sonny, what’s your success rate when you hit up chicks?” I tell them I don’t know but if a chick is single and available… I’m sitting dead red. I’m really not going to miss and would bet money on me getting that chick.
The reason for this is because I have put so much effort into making myself better in so many areas over the years. This gives me so much confidence when I approach a chick. I have so much to offer. I bring a lot to the table. I really view myself as ELITE in every way. So my advice would be to really work on improving yourself in the aspects of life that I touched on in Law 4. Make sure you are bringing a lot to the table. When you do that, then you can really increase your chances of getting most single, available chicks you come across. And you might have a few seemingly unavailable chicks change their minds and decide to become available for a night.
Okay that was a lot to cover and I’m only half way done. Again, these laws have been carefully picked based off of what has given me success over the years. Observance of these laws are also responsible for my friends and family members that I would consider to be (have been) most successful when it comes to women. This article (both Part I and Part II) is very important to me and this site because it will be the foundation of all dating advice I will ever give. It’s my very own and it has come from years of experience. Most importantly, I am doing my best to keep it as simple as possible so that it can help the most dudes. It’s very disheartening to see so many guys on the Internet following advice that simply does not work or does not matter. A lot of advice on getting girls is poor to say the least and I am hoping to provide a different perspective that is based off of actual experience and clear insight. This website is about doing things the right way and this especially true for my style of teaching guys how to improve their dating lives. Other than that be on the lookout for Part II.