How to Choose the Right Wingman (The Strength By Sonny Guide to a PUA Concept)
No one has ever taken the time to explain the ins and outs on how to choose the right wingman.
After all, the “wingman” is one of the most important concepts for pick-up artists in the world of PUA.
What is a wingman?… Really?
What is the job of a wingman?
What makes a good wingman?
Since value matters, what role do intangibles, such as race, play in choosing the right wingman?
In my recent article on value, I explained that who you associate with matters because they are a reflection of who you are.
So yes, who you choose to be your wingman absolutely matters.
You can’t just pick anyone to be your wingman and expect to be pulling chicks left and right.
There are entire forums dedicated to losers who meet up with other anonymous losers to “wing each other.”
But you are better than that. You know better than that.
You know that getting pussy is a business. Everything about you and your associates matter.
Thus, everything about your wingman matters.
Everything matters when you are a strategist, which is how I encourage everyone to think here.
What is a wingman?
According to Urban Dictionary, a wingman is a guy you bring along with you on singles outings to meet women.
Simply put, a wingman is someone who tries to help you get laid.
A wingman can be useful at any time or place.
They can help you during the day. They can help you at night.
A wingman can be your best friend.
A wingman can be a total stranger (makeshift wingman).
A wingman can be a family member.
A wingman can even be a girl (wing girl).
Dogs also make great wingmen.
You get the picture. Your wingman choices are limitless.
However, not all wingman are created equal.
So what makes a good wingman?
The million dollar question… with a simple answer.
A wingman is good is if he helps you get laid.
Typically, you should look for 3 things when choosing a wingman or wingmen:
What is he bringing to the table?
Is he a good looking dude? In other words, do women find him attractive?
Does he dress well?
Does he have good social skills?
Is he outgoing?
Does he have situation awareness?
Can he read people and get a feel for who they are with relative ease?
Is this guy a winner?
A yes to these questions means he will make a great wingman.
2. His competency
A wingman’s job is to help you get laid.
When you and one (or more) of your boys rolls out to the club, there is an implicit understanding that you are going to help each other get laid. That’s Guy Code 101.
Competency means capability or ability (in this case their ability to help you get laid).
Your wingman must have the ability to help you out a numerous different situations.
Problems are going to arise.
Your wingman must help with the solutions.
The end goal is getting laid.
If he is unable to do this, then he is not a wingman.
He is a liability… a deadbeat. Lose him.
You can still be friends, watch sports, and do guy shit.
However, this article is about wingman and how they can help you get laid.
If it does not help you get laid, it is irrelevant to this discussion.
3. His willingness to help you succeed and “edify” you.
Your wingman must want you to succeed.
On top of that, they should make it a habit of edifying you.
To edify means to “talk up” or “talk a big game” for you.
For instance, say you are in a club and you are talking to a chick.
A good wingman will try to grease the wheels by edifying you to the girl.
In other words, he will chime in and say positive things about you to the girl.
“You’re gonna like Joe. He’s an awesome guy.”
“Joe’s the man. He’s really fun to be around.”
“Joe’s awesome. You’re gonna have a lot of fun with him.”
Getting laid is a business. Your wingman should want you to close the deal almost as much as you.
What makes a bad wingman?
Many guys fuck up their chances simply by associating with the wrong people.
In many instances they have a bad wingman.
So what makes a bad wingman?
Here is a short list based off of what I have seen and experienced over the years:
1. He doesn’t help you get laid.
2. He hurts your chances. You are better off going out alone.
3. He’s a loser (low value) and girls can tell he is a loser.
4. He gets jealous easily.
5. He refuses to “switch”. We’ve all been here. Two guys go up to two girls. One guy opens the hotter one. The hotter one likes the guy’s friend. In many instances, the guy who opened realizes this but is just too stubborn to admit it. As a result, he desperately tries to make it work until the girls either leave or the hot chick takes the initiative to switch. A good wingman will recognize that the chick he opened is digging his friend and will switch. He’ll give his friend a chance.
6. He blurts out private shit that only you (and people you trust) should know.
7. He tries to punk you in front of the girls (talk down on you or diss you). I have friends where we really bust each other’s’ balls. However, we always drop it before we interact with chicks.
8. He lacks social skills and kills conversations. He never says the right thing. He is a buzzkill.
9. He is an incompetent (useless) when problems arise. (cock blocking friends, white knights, etc.)
10. He has low energy.
11. He gets rattled easily by other people.
12. He has a negative attitude.
13. He draws negative attention.
How many wingmen should you have? (Wingman vs. Wingmen)
It depends on your mindset when you are out and about.
What are you trying to accomplish?
Are you going out just to have fun? (hang out with friends, meet new people, talk to some girls, enjoy music, have a few drinks, etc.)
Are you going out to get validation? (look good for others, talk to girls and get good reactions, maybe get some makeouts/phone numbers/dance with girls)
Are you going out specifically to get laid?
Your answer will determine the wingman versus wingmen riddle.
I’m going to take a stab and assume you are most interested in getting laid.
I will answer this question by going over the pros and cons associated with the number of wingmen.
But first, let’s talk about the strategy behind going out to get laid, specifically which girls to focus on by number.
This will make the information on number of wingmen easier to understand.
SOLO is GOLD
When you are out and about, isolation is your best friend.
In other words, your ultimate goal should be to get the girl by herself where you can have some alone time in order to grease the wheels (and perhaps check the oil) before you take her home.
As a result, girls who are all alone (stragglers) are ideal.
The hard part is already taken care of. You don’t have to worry about her friends fucking it up for you.
If she went out all by herself, it means she is probably open to the idea of going home with a stranger… Maybe that’s you?
Girls in groups of 2 are also great because they went out to have a “discreet girls’ night out”.
They went out to have some fun.
Maybe they just went out to have a couple of drinks.
Either way, it’s likely that at least one of them is single (or at least single when Mr. Right comes through).
It’s very rare that when 2 girls are out by themselves, both of them are bitches.
More times than not, at least 1 of the 2 girls is friendly and open.
In the event that you and 1 of the girls really like each other to the point of wanting to fuck, it’s usually an easier sell.
All you have to do is be cool and prove to the friend that you’re not a psycho. She will be safe.
All she has to do is tell her friend that this is what she really wants and that she’s a big girl. She can take care of herself.
Boom. You guys are out of there and on your way to Downtown Poundtown.
When girls are in groups of 3 or more, this is when problems start to arise.
Problems arise because there is usually at least one bitchy girl in the group aka the cock block.
Her job is to insure “girls’ night out means no guys!”
She doesn’t want any of her girlfriends to get any cock. In other words, she doesn’t want any of her friends to have a good time.
This is usually the ugliest girl in the group. I wonder why…
Even if all 3 girls are cool, it’s highly unlikely that all 3 girls are down to fuck.
4 girls or more in a group is a pack (and usually a waste of time).
There’s nothing wrong with talking to groups of girls, especially when you’re out with your boys.
However, big packs of girls are often a waste of time when you’re going out to get laid.
There’s so many different characters at play.
You’ve got your squad (if you have one). Not everyone’s perfect on your side.
There’s always one dude who’s beyond the eight ball.
One guy has the least value in the group.
Maybe one guy is an incompetent who just fucks things up (maybe on purpose).
Maybe one guy gets jealous and has hidden agendas.
Maybe one guy is just a loser.
That’s just the dude side… imagine all the characters on the female side.
Like I said, there’s nothing wrong with being social and having some small talk with everyone, including big groups of girls.
However, if your goal is to get laid as fast as possible, groups of girls are usually a waste of time.
Listen to what one of my favorite comedians, Louis CK, has to say about going out to get laid.
Here are my thoughts regarding number of wingmen.
0 Wingmen (By Yourself)
Going out by yourself has its pros and cons.
Let’s start with the pros first.
When you are all by yourself, you run the show.
You can do whatever you want, whenever you want.
No one is holding you back.
You don’t have to worry about someone ruining your chances or fucking up your mood.
You are completely responsible for your successes and failures.
Your instinct is a little bit sharper when you are by yourself, because you are in that “get laid” mindset.
When the time comes and you’ve found a chick who is down, you know what to do to seal the deal.
That being said, going out solo is only good for certain types of dudes:
1. Dudes who are extremely confident in their personal brand. They know they bring a lot to the table. They know they stand up favorably against all competition. They know they are the prize for women and that they are making their lives better. For this reason, they do not give a fuck. The competition bows down.
2. Dudes who seriously do not give a fuck usually do to a mental/social disorder (ex. Asperger’s)
There are a lot of cons to take in to consideration when it comes to going out solo.
1. It takes confidence to go out by yourself.
You’re all alone.
If you think people see you as “that guy” who went out by himself to pick up chicks, it’s because they do.
Confident guys know this and just don’t give a fuck. Guys who lack confidence know this and this rattles them.
If you don’t give a fuck. Great! Do whatever you want.
However, as I’ve learned by working with many of you… Deep down you really do give a fuck.
And that’s fine. Eventually, it will wear off and you’ll break free from that invisible leash holding you back.
In the meantime…
If you are not confident in yourself or easily get rattled by the prospect of what others are thinking, do not go out by yourself when you are first starting off.
As you build yourself up, start to go out solo.
2. If you are not bringing a lot to the table (value), do not go out solo with the intent to get laid.
You will feel weird. You will feel out of place.
You will not feel entitled.
Why should you expect to take home and fuck a hot chick if you are a low value man? You shouldn’t.
Hence, it’s probably not going to happen.
By all means, go out solo if you want to have fun and meet new people.
I encourage everyone to do that regardless of experience.
3. If you live in a small town, don’t go out solo (all the time) with the intent to get laid.
Word travels fast in small towns.
You don’t want to develop a reputation as a “creeper.”
Small towns suck because you can exhaust venues pretty quick.
You don’t want to be that guy who shows up to Joe’s Tavern every Thursday night by himself for ladies night.
4. If you are still in high school/college, don’t go out solo.
You should be going out with groups of friends.
Like the small town, world travels fast on a college campus.
The worst thing you can possibly do is spam approach yourself in to a reputation as a certified creep in your high school or college social setting within the first few months of your first year.
I’ve seen it happen at my school. I’ve also heard sob stories about guys doing this at big schools like Michigan State.
Again, don’t be the guy who goes to the local bar on Thirsty Thursday’s to “game” by himself in front of all your classmates.
5. Most importantly, no one has your back.
It’s good to have someone winging you, especially at night.
The nighttime is the absolute worst time to try and score chicks from a pure strategy standpoint.
This is when there are the most distractions.
The loud music. The annoying friends. The beta male orbiters. The random white knights chomping at the bit to mess you up or pull the robbery.
The point is there are so many things that can go wrong and ruin a perfectly good opportunity for you to get laid.
A solid wingman can (and will) take care of these distractions.
A socially savvy wingman stays ahead of the game and is resourceful.
He will block and distract the cock block.
He will block and distract other guys who want to ruin your chances.
With a solid wing, your chances can improve dramatically just based off of the simple fact that you have someone on your side who will neutralize opportunity killers.
However, this is not the case when you are solo dolo.
1 Wingman (You +1)
In my experience, this is the ideal situation.
When you are trying to get laid, the best game plan is to have one guy winging you.
He should be around your level from a value standpoint.
One wingman is ideal because it gives you balance.
You are mobile and focused. Your mindset is in “going out to get laid” mode.
However, you are also with someone who has your back and will help you out.
He will do his best to help you score. You will do the same.
He will do his best to take care of any distractions that prevent you from your objective (getting laid). You will do the same.
One wingman is perfect for facilitating the pull.
For instance, say you meet a chick at a club who is down to go home with you but you’re too drunk to drive.
First, don’t drive drunk.
Second, time is of the essence. You need to get out of there because the longer you stay, the greater the chances of shit getting fucked up.
That’s just the way shit goes in this game.
Cabs are busiest at night because that’s when people are out and about drinking. That’s when the demand for rides is at its highest.
Waiting for cabs sucks because time waiting for a cab means more time for opportunity to slip away.
Bypassing strangers (jealous guys) can be loud and obnoxious. They can try to fuck you up.
Her annoying friends blowing up her phone is no fun neither.
They can (and often will) try to call and text her a bunch of times trying to shame her (especially if she’s not single).
However, a reliable, competent wingman with a car can be a life saver.
Nothing is faster or more efficient than a wingman who drops everything to help you and your chick get out of the club and back to your place as fast as possible.
2 Wingman and more (You +2 is the MAX)
In my experience, 2 wingmen is the absolute maximum number of dudes you should roll out with if your goal is to get laid.
Why? The answer is simple.
The more dudes you add to your crew, the more difficult it is for you to get laid when you are around everyone.
When you are out by yourself, you only have to worry about you.
There is nothing holding you back. You are 100% responsible for your successes and failures.
With 1 wingman, you are essentially teaming up with someone other person.
It’s a very simple dynamic. You help him. He helps you.
Anything more than 2 wingmen is when things can potentially get fucked up.
Not all guys are created equal.
Not everyone has the same mindset.
Some guys get jealous and want to fuck things up for their “friends.”
Some guys are just fuck ups. You can put a beach ball on a tee and they would still swing and miss.
Not everyone in the group is competent enough to get laid.
And if we’re being honest, deep down, not everyone in the group wants to get laid. Some dudes just want validation.
And last but not least, Louis CK was absolutely right.
“Who’s gonna fuck all 9 of you?”
Do you ever see groups of guys (the going out to get laid dudes) magically running in to their female counterpart (a group of going out to get laid chicks)? Fuck no!
There is a difference between fantasy (as displayed in movies and television) versus reality.
The typical scene where a group of guys go out, meet an even number of chicks, and everyone gets laid is a fantasy.
It’s not reality.
In reality, there are winners and losers.
When a group of guys go out together on any given night, the top 1-2 guys get first dibs.
They bring the most to the table.
If anyone is getting laid, it’s them.
The rest of the group ends up drunk at a diner (or pizza place) while the winners smash.
On the flip side, there are nights when no one gets laid.
Who are you?
Which guy do you want to be?
Our mindset here at Strength By Sonny is ELITE.
Good enough is garbage.
It’s a loser mentality fitting for the losers.
“Winners go home and fuck the prom queen.”- Sean Connery
In my experience, the biggest group I have been a part of where everyone got laid was 4 (and that was a pain in the ass).
So taking everything in to consideration, the more dudes you roll out with, the less likely you are to pull a chick home.
Watch this video to hear more of my thoughts on the going out to get laid with your boys fantasy versus reality.
Understanding The Law of Opposites and Intangibles
Here is where we get in to personal branding and intangibles when it comes to wingmen.
None of this is backed up by scientific study. It’s all based off of my experience and observations of the years.
When it comes to choosing the right wingman, value is number one.
You cannot replace that. That is the foundation.
That’s what you should concern yourself with in the beginning.
You bring a lot of value to the table.
Your wingman (or wingmen) brings a lot of value to the table.
Once you have that base, then you should start mixing and match with your opposites.
What do I mean by this? Let me give you an example.
When chicks look at me and screen me right away, they see the alpha male/jock stereotype.
On top of that, I also have a great personality and communication skills to go along with it.
My cousin (on the white side) is the total opposite of me.
He’s a skinny punk rocker white boy (good looking kid though).
He’s the skinny jean wearing fuck boy type with tats and piercings.
He’s also a funny motherfucker who’s just as sharp as me.
We pretty much have nothing in common on the outside.
However, when we “winged” each other 4th of July weekend 5 years ago at the Jersey Shore, we banged some absolute smoke shows.
We were a dynamic duo.
Because opposites make good wingmen.
Think of it this way. When you have a wingman or wingmen, you are a team.
You are a collective unit and that unit essentially has its own brand as well.
“You’re only as strong as your weakest link” is mainstream, cookie cutter advice. But it rings true.
Low value individuals weaken the group because they devalue the overall brand of the unit.
In college, there were certain kids in my dorm who we all essentially blackballed because if they rolled out with us, they made us look bad.
This is reality. Sometimes you have to be mean like that.
That being said, “diversity” can help out a lot.
It gives the collective a little bit of flair by breaking up the uniformity.
This brings us to our discussion on intangibles including racial stereotypes.
“Opposite” wingmen fill in the gaps.
When it comes to the intangibles, everyone has strengths and weaknesses.
Resourceful people find ways to fill in the gaps.
When it comes to wingman, “opposites” help address weaknesses or “fill in the gaps.”
For instance, say you are an introvert with poor communication skills.
Would it make sense for you to align with another introvert?
No, because you both have the same holes in your brand. As a result, the overall unit has flaws.
Instead, it would make more sense for an introvert to align himself with someone who is more outgoing.
In PUA terms, if you have approach anxiety, you should align yourself with guys who do not have this issue.
Having said that, let’s talk about race because this plays a big part in going out to get laid.
I’ve talk about this before.
When it comes to choosing the right wingman, race absolutely matters because it matters to chicks.
Let me give you an example:
When I lived in Austin, there was a group of about 10 Asian dudes who would go out on 6th Street and spam approach everything in sight.
If I’m being honest, these were all low value guys who upon first glance because they fit all the negative stereotypes associated with Asian guys.
They never got laid. They just wandered around aimlessly copying what they saw guys do in YouTube videos that were probably fake in the first place.
Each guy had the same weaknesses. They weren’t filling the gaps.
They simply magnified their glaring weaknesses by traveling in a huge pack and spam approaching everything on site.
They didn’t do anything to addresses the negative stereotypes that they all had.
As I said a long time ago, white guys are the universal ideal in the dating world.
This does not mean white guys are better.
Better is better.
A strong, handsome minority will be better off than a low value white guy.
Value trumps all.
This is a zero sum game.
You are either making excuses or you are building them.
In other words, you cannot change your race. However, you can do things to address the negative racial stereotypes that hold you back.
So what does this mean for minorities who fit the negative stereotypes associated with their race?
First, it means work on the things that are within your immediate control (maximizing your physical appeal).
Second, it means get some white friends and have them be your wingmen.
Watch the video to hear more of my thoughts on the importance of minorities “mainstreaming” themselves as a way of improving their dating lives.
I’ll break it down for you real quick.
Value trumps all. If you are a high value guy, you will dominate.
Race and racial stereotypes are irrelevant when you are elite.
Race and racial stereotypes are irrelevant when the collective unit is strong and brings a lot to the table.
They just are.
I think everyone can benefit from winging with white guys as the default.
White guys can get away with winging other white guys because “white” is the universal ideal.
White guys don’t get “rejected” just because of their race as often as minority groups.
Black guys can absolutely kill it by winging exclusively with black guys, especially when they have elite genetics.
Black culture is heavily promoted by the media as the golden standard for “cool”.
There’s also a lot of positive stereotypes promoted by the media that help out black guys from a dating standpoint.
That being said there can be an intimidation factor.
Also, some girls just don’t get with black dudes.
Black guys can improve their odds by having a few white associates.
This will give them a more mainstream appeal and smooth over the intimidation factor.
I think this applies to all other races as well (Latinos, Asians, Indians, Middle Easterners, etc.)
Winging or associating with white guys gives you a more mainstream appeal.
Some might look to you as “selling out” but fuck them.
It’s your dating life.
You do what you must do to get what you want.
Concluding Thoughts on How to Choose the Right Wingman
As you can see, choosing the right wingman is so much more than just a bunch of dudes having a guys’ night out on the town and hoping to get lucky.
This shit requires strategy because who you associate with matters.
Everything about them matters.
Your wingman (or wingmen) is a continuation of that business.
Your crew is only as strong as your weakest member.
So makes smart decisions.
If your goal is to go out and get laid, then you must associate with people who will help you do that.
So now you know how to choose the right wingman.
Your next step is to work with the best wingman and strategist in the game.
A big, strong, handsome, bi-racial New Yorker makes for a hell of a wingman and coach.
Send me an e-mail if you are interested in working with the best.
Also, be sure to follow me on social media!