This part is particularly important because it emphasizes the importance of small talk.
What is small talk?
Small talk is an efficient way of socializing. It is how you get to know another person on a base level. In other words, it is a way for you to “get a feel” for a stranger without getting too in-depth. It is quick. It is harmless. It is the building block of all communication with strangers.
Small talk is the most important form of communication. If you are normal and can master small talk… you’re pretty much set.
You don’t need anything fancy. You don’t need game. Getting friends will simply become a matter of running in to the right people and engaging in small talk. Getting girls will simply become a matter of running in to the right girls at the right time and engaging in small talk.
Why is small talk so important?
Small talk is important for guys (people) of all ages. But small talk is especially important for you guys in your post-college years because of the simple fact that time is not on your side.
Times have changed. It’s no longer the case that you have all the time in the world to “chill” and do nothing.
You have greater responsibilities. You have your own place. You have got bills to pay. You have a job.
If you’re like most recent college graduates, you know this cold hard fact… WORK SUCKS.
Nothing sucks more than having to wake up early and go to the office where you spend 8-10 hours a day working a job you can’t stand five days a week.
It sucks. It’s torturous. They didn’t teach you this back in college. They didn’t tell you how much of a drag the working world is. They didn’t tell you how monotonous the process was. The morning commutes. The pointless meetings. Office politics. Rush hour traffic.
They didn’t tell you that this was reality.
But this is reality. Reality is that a full-time job takes up a significant chunk of your life, leaving you with little time to socialize.
You live in the real world. You are a productive member of society who has a time consuming career.
The question is… How do you network and develop relationships when time is not on your side?
How do you get the ball rolling with small talk?
In our private group, I recently gave our members a challenge focused on simple eye contact. That’s usually how all verbal communication begins with strangers… with simple eye contact.
Check out the videos to see examples of the 2 most common forms of eye contact.
Video 1 shows neutral eye contact. This is the type of eye contact you make with a dude or a chick that you are neutral towards (not attracted to).
If you want, you can add a little to it by giving a simple nod of acknowledgement. You can even say something simple like, “What’s up?” or “Sup?”
Video 2 shows the eye contact you make when you come in contact with a chick that you think is cute. You usually want to smile or smirk. May say something like “Hi.” To go along with it.
But for the most part, it all begins with eye contact.
The #1 Thing You Must Know About Small Talk
What do you say to initiate small talk? (Basic Small Talk Template)
Small talk is simple because at the beginning of the conversation, the same things (lines) tend to be said. In a way, small talk absolutely follows a template.
1) People make eye contact.
2) One person opens and says something. Here are examples of “openers”:
Hey what’s up?
How’s it going?
Hey how ya doing?
Hey how’s it going?
3) The other person answers. If the person is even a little bit friendly/outgoing, they will reciprocate by asking the initiator how they are doing.
4) The initiator (person who opened) gets the ball rolling by either commenting on an observation about the person (this is why it is so important to know your Cliff’s Notes) or simply asking that person what they are up today.
Ex. Chat up chick wearing yoga pants at Whole Foods- A guy might say: “You work out today?” or “You work out around here?”
5) And then pretty much from there each person says a question or comment related to the other person’s previous comment. In an ideal situation, the 2 people will latch on to something that they have in common and the conversation will focus mostly on that.
6) If there’s mutual benefit to them staying in contact/hanging out again, they will agree to exchange contact information and meet up again.
That’s small talk in a nut shell. It might sound strange or odd the way I described it but that’s because it’s so basic that it’s sort of odd to break down “how to talk to a stranger.”
Concluding Thoughts on Small Talk
Every day strangers are becoming acquaintances. They are doing so through small talk. Small talk, favorable circumstances, and daily exposure are how people develop social circles in middle school, high school, and college.
Nothing changes once you enter your post-college years. The fundamentals remain the same. The big difference is time. Time is a lot more precious at this point in the game.
That’s why you must be efficient with any free time you have. Do your research for your particular city and figure out the “hot spots.” Whatever type of people you want to bring in to your life… Where are they hanging out? When are they going there? That’s where you want to focus your efforts.
Most importantly, you must be the initiator. People generally don’t go out of their way to make small talk with strangers during their daily routine. It just doesn’t happen. People are in their own little worlds. They have their routines. They’re just trying to make it to the weekend.
Since that’s the case, you must be the outgoing person… the person who gets the ball rolling.