Game/Dating

Sonny’s Guide to Screening: Part VIII (The Importance of Goals and Personal Screening)

What do you really want?

You MUST be honest with yourself.

The dating game is simply another area where guys can self-improve. By that, I mean that like every other area of life, long term success follows the same game plan:

Setting goals for yourself and working towards those goals.

You must be honest with yourself and admit what it is that you really want. What is it that will truly make you happy? What will make you happy right now? What will make you happy in the long term?

These are questions that you need to be asking yourself. Your definite answer is your goal. That’s what you should be working toward.

Another big reason why the whole concept of PUA is flawed is because there is no emphasis on this idea of TRUTHFUL GOAL SETTING.

The traditional picking up chicks communities you see are very sloppy. There’s no concrete direction due to the fact that the main “gurus” are not strong masculine men. In most instances, these “gurus” lacked direction from strong, masculine men in their own upbringing.

They operate in “I don’t know what I want but I know I want something good” mode. That’s very feminine.

Real men operate with a game plan. They keep it simple because they have a single, specific goal in mind.

How a PUA sets goals: “I don’t know. I just wanna get as many girls as possible.”

How a man sets goals: “I want one girl. She has to be attractive, go to the gym, and come from a good family. She must be kind and have a good sense of humor. She can’t be a psycho. And she shouldn’t want to be the man in the relationship. She also can’t be a chick who has a history of sleeping around.”

You see the difference. The PUA lacks direction and does not know what he wants. As a result, he has no standards. Years go by and he remains a man-child going out multiple nights a week essentially begging for scraps.

A grown man who lives a life of choice don’t play that. He knows exactly what he wants. He knows what he must do to get it. He develops a game plan and he executes.

 

What if I honestly want to sleep with as many attractive girls as possible?

The goal of wanting to bang as many hot chicks as possible is an easy one. It’s easy because there aren’t as many things that could potentially weed the chick out. All you are concerned with is her physical appearance. Personality can take a back seat if the chick is hot enough.

This goal can be easily accomplished because you only need to concern yourself with 3 things:

 

1) Bringing as much value to the table as possible (Law 4).

2) Volume- Hitting on a lot of chicks (day and night).

3) Social Circle- Interacting with hot chicks on a regular basis.

 What if I just want one high quality girl?

This is a little bit harder in my opinion. The reason is because a lot of girls who do happen to be very attractive are simply not good girlfriend material.

In this day and age, many chicks should not be considered potential girlfriend material.

That’s where most guys fail miserably. They don’t have standards and they don’t screen out. They simply take what is given to them, no matter how horrible of a partner the chick is.

That’s a big reason why dudes really mess up the marriage thing. They try to get married with the first chick that they date for a few years after college. They try to force the relationship and make it work when in reality, the chick probably is not worthy of that big of an investment.

The cold hard truth is that many chicks are simply not worth serious consideration because they are not relationship material. Check out this masterpiece written by Victor Pride of Bold and Determined where he writes about this idea of having unbreakable standards when it comes to choosing a wife.

In my opinion, you should adopt a similar screening mindset when getting one high quality chick is your goal. Relationships are an investment. Why invest in a low quality chick?

Example: I met this one kid in Vegas (hardcore into pickup) who was asking my advice on what he was doing wrong with his girlfriend. She often started fights with him, took a long time to answer texts, and would go party without telling him. *** He had met her when she used to work as an escort but she had stopped for him.

The obvious answer is that his chick was not relationship material in the first place. She was a whore who had previously had sex with men for money. The door should have shut right there.

 

You have to SCREEN the chick as either WORTH IT or NOT WORTH IT.

The way you determine if a chick is worth it is by asking (and honestly answering) questions according to what is important to you. Be selfish. It’s your life.

Is she a good girl or party girl?

Does she come from a good family (both parents in the picture)?

Does she eat healthy and work out?

Does she drink a lot or do drugs?

What is her past dating record?

Does she have a history of casually hooking up?

Has she only had sex with serious boyfriends?

How long did it take for you to seal the deal?

Is she indifferent toward putting a dent in your wallet?

Does she seem like a chick who hustles men?

Do you like talking with her and spending time with her?

Does she have all her marbles or is she a crazy bitch?

Has she ever had a problem with substance abuse or addiction?

Is she controlling?

What does she do for a living?

Does she have any kids?

Does she have a lot of male friends?

Is she genuinely interested in you and is she truly supportive of your goals?

CAN YOU TRUST HER?

 

So what is the game plan for getting a girlfriend?

The game plan is essentially the same as it is for banging as many chicks as possible. The only difference is that you have be honest with yourself and develop standards according to what you want.

You should not being going out multiple nights a week doing the whole PUA monkey thing. Chances are you’re not going to meet your next high quality girlfriend doing shots at the club. You’re also probably not going to meet her working at the strip club or Hooter’s.

It might sound corny but it’s not all about looks. A chick’s physical beauty does not make up for a lost soul or blatantly reckless behavior.

Your best bet for meeting a potential girlfriend is by either hitting on chicks during the day, meeting them through some chance encounter, or being introduced through mutual friends.

Never skim yourself by investing in a chick that just isn’t worth it. Also don’t fall for the “people change” “don’t judge me on my past” crap.

Chicks don’t really change for men. They don’t have to. If she’s hot, there will always be men lined up who are willing to put up with her  just to have a chance. Don’t be the sucker that she decides she wants to change and be the good girl with.

 

Closing thoughts and the big picture…

Personal screening is the most important form of screening because it forces you to be honest with yourself, have standards, and go after what you want.

It forces you to have a game plan and know what you are doing. It will force you to man up and not settle for scraps.

Being honest with yourself, going after what you want, and REFUSING TO SETTLE FOR SCRAPS is what will make you happy in the long run.

Thanks for reading guys. You will hear from me soon.

 

Sonny

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Sonny’s Guide to Screening: Part VII (Minorities)

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Strength By Sonny Update

 

36 Comments

  1. Lucas
    June 4, 2014 at 5:34 am — Reply

    just brilliant, thanks for the article

    “A chick’s physical beauty does not make up for a dogshit soul or blatantly reckless behavior.”

    oh how many MONTHS of my life did I lose to controling liches

    • June 4, 2014 at 7:59 pm — Reply

      It’s true.

  2. June 4, 2014 at 3:29 pm — Reply

    Great post man – just stumbled upon your site, and I love your style of writing.

    Teh articles I have read so far are all on point!

    • June 4, 2014 at 7:59 pm — Reply

      Thanks dude!

  3. Slayer
    June 4, 2014 at 6:01 pm — Reply

    Really cool that you’re pumping out these fresh articles so frequently now. They’re all on the spot, every time. You can bet I’m reading them first chance I get when they pop up in my feed. Good stuff bro

    • June 4, 2014 at 8:00 pm — Reply

      Great to hear man. Yea definitely taking it more seriously now.

  4. Smoothie
    June 4, 2014 at 9:34 pm — Reply

    Yeah seriously, most of the PUA gurus have no standards. They get 20-30 lays from going out 5 nights a week for 3-5 years and they start teaching. Most od those lays are bottom of the barrel. Not hating, I did my share of the pumping up my notches. The thrill of the same night pull is unforgettable, but everyone can do it with good logistics and approaching a lot.

    The tough part is showing someone how they can get a top notch gal.

    • June 5, 2014 at 3:29 am — Reply

      Yea the PUA is good because it does open up a world of possibilities to guys teaching them that it is possible to in fact talk to a random chick and pull her home/fuck her.

      The actual getting a high quality chick and keeping her…. traditional pick-up does not (and cannot) teach that since most gurus do not have actual experience with emotionally healthy relationships with an actual high quality girl.

      I’ll get to that topic eventually as well.

  5. June 5, 2014 at 7:49 am — Reply

    Hey Sonny.
    Been looking for an article like this.
    I had problems in relationships, in the past, due to not having expectations or standards.
    This is great, thanks. -dcl

    • June 6, 2014 at 10:49 pm — Reply

      Yup, gotta have standards. Otherwise you’re just a dude who settles for scraps. Most important period in a relationship is the beginning because that’s when boundaries/standards are set.

      That’s when you and then chick find out what you can/can’t get away with.

      ex. If you tell her right off that bat that you don’t want her to go out partying with her friends 3 nights a week. It’s been discussed. If she does it, she fucked up. End of story.

      If you don’t say anything, she could still go out and do whatever. If you keep it bottled up and call her out on it months later it’s too late. She can twist it any direction she wants “saying you never let her have any fun” or labelling you as “possessive.”

      I’ll talk about actual relationship advice too.

  6. Anthony
    June 5, 2014 at 5:45 pm — Reply

    Hey Sonny, I’ve been following your posts the past month, good stuff.

    Couple of questions.

    1) Are you ever going to do anything on the underlying psychology of a guy who “gets women”. I feel most guys reading this type of stuff, myself included, their biggest hurdle is learning how to “get laid” but getting over psychological blocks, which after they’re fixed, “pick up” becomes natural. Some of mine were a) realizing women want to have sex just as much as men b) being comfortable being sexual c) if a single woman rejects you it means nothing other than that SHE is not into, just like you’re not into every girl.

    2) You mention goals but according to Scott Adams, creator of Dilbert, goals are for losers. What are your thoughts on that? http://dilbert.com/blog/entry/goals_are_for_losers_passion_is_bull/

    • Anthony
      June 5, 2014 at 5:46 pm — Reply

      typo “their biggest hurdle is NOT…”

    • June 6, 2014 at 10:43 pm — Reply

      Yes, the broader stuff will gel it all together making sense of everything. I got one particular post saved up on the non-LMS factor that will make women obsessed with you…. that will be a good one that will help a lot of guys out.

      Scott Adams has goals he just calls it something different it seems like
      Lebron James… Michael Jordan… Magic Johnson…. those guys all have/have referred to goals over the years.
      Those seem like winners to me 😉

  7. Florian
    June 6, 2014 at 4:56 am — Reply

    Thanks for the article. Interesting post, especially about choosing a girlfriend/wife from a good family. My parents have been divorced, and I don’t think that makes my family bad, yet there may be some points about a healthy family I am missing simply because I never encountered them. Yet, I am incredibly proud of the part of my family that raised me, and I love my parents – both of them.

    Moreover, I do believe that some families are unhappy, even though the parents are still together.

    So what determines a good family in your eyes? What is important to keep up a good family life and a long-term relationship? I’d be really interested in learning more about that – there is not that much material out there yet, and I don’t want to eventually just marry and hope everything will magically somehow work out. My parents have been divorced, how can I be different?

    • June 6, 2014 at 10:36 pm — Reply

      definitely read Victor’s post on how to pick the right wife.
      you make a good point… just because a family may follow the traditional nuclear family model does not make it a good/happy one.

      MY father actually made a good point when he distinguished between the concept of family in the Philippines vs. family in America:

      “In the Philippines, when one person has a problem, it’s the entire family’s problem. That problem becomes a priority and everyone does whatever they can to help solve it”
      “In the US, if you got problem… go fuck yourself, you’re on your own pretty much. No one cares. It’s everyone for themselves pretty much”

      So in my eyes a good family is when you have a unit you can fall back on that will help you with a problem when that time comes. It always has to be run by a man.
      There has to be some sort of strong male role model who is the leader of the family.

      The biggest advantage that I have had over my peers is communication with my father…. I grew up around kids who had a very distant relationship with their father or none at all. Bottom line Dad for them was a guy who pretty much bought them shit and put a roof over their heads.

      My Dad was (is) my best friend. There’s no secrets. He taught me everything about life. There was no sugarcoating especially when it came to women. The shit that me and him did when I was a kid (fishing, going to baseball games, etc.) is the same shit we do now (when I go back home).

      For kids 18 and up (especially if they are away at college) need to keep up communication with their father/role model that they had growing up.
      At 18, you might think you know enough to thrive in this world on your own…. You don’t. You don’t know anything. You need to have contact with someone who does know everything and who will do anything to help you out.

      *** For now don’t think about marriage until at least 30 to be safe.

      • assman
        June 7, 2014 at 10:58 pm — Reply

        That’s true man I had a very distant relationship with my dad growing up. It’s very awkward being in the same car or talking to him lol.

        • June 8, 2014 at 1:09 am — Reply

          that’s important

  8. Milun
    June 6, 2014 at 7:04 am — Reply

    Some more stuff on girlfriend game (I hate to call it that but words are failing me right now) would actually be really good. I agree that a chick you bring back to your place and fuck on the night of meeting her would (most of the time) not be good gf material. So questions like should you kiss and/or bang on the first date? How much slower should you take the interaction? Etc etc. I’m sure you get what I mean. Thanks dude!

    • June 6, 2014 at 10:19 pm — Reply

      There’s no harm in “going for it” if you think the vibe is right. But you don’t wanna get caught up in PUA “plowing”… If a chick isn’t ready, it’s likely that you aren’t doing anything wrong. She probably just isn’t ready.

      Basically, it comes down to instinct. There’s a difference between being a closer (a guy who goes for it when it’s obvious) vs. a PUA who does everything he can to pretty much force it.

      For a first date, there’s no set rules. If you get to that point… go for it. If not, then don’t try to force it. Also you don’t have to go through a physicality checklist and try to escalate as hard/fast as possible. She might not be comfortable with you being “touchy feely” with her.
      that’s where that light non-sexual touching when you are talking with a chick is important. It breaks the physicality barrier and if she don’t like it… that means it could take a little bit longer (so then you would know that you shouldn’t go for the kiss out of the blue).

  9. June 6, 2014 at 7:46 pm — Reply

    Thanks, Sonny, for your advice. Right know I’m looking for some sexual experencie and to know people, specially girls. I want to know what can I expect from them so I can decide better who are the special and high quality ones…

    • June 6, 2014 at 10:10 pm — Reply

      That comes with experience/time spent with chicks over the years…. eventually you get to the point where early on you know what kind of chick you are dealing with (judging a book by it’s cover) and then you can decide pretty fast what course of action to take.

  10. assman
    June 7, 2014 at 10:52 pm — Reply

    My question is how realistic is this type of lifestyle for the average guy(working 9-5)? How should someone define a player lifestyle? Is there way for someone to obtain something similar to the player lifestyle where he’s able to meet lots of women. Obviously in an environment where there is drugs and alcohol.

    • June 8, 2014 at 1:39 am — Reply

      It’s because that’s not how life in the scene works… you’re not really approaching chicks in the traditional sense of going up to a single chick and hitting on her.
      Approaching in the scene works by you or whoever approaching a chick and inviting them to… a house party, a pool party, bottle serve at a club later that night, party on someone’s boat… and they get all excited and bring 10 of their hot girlfriends.

      That’s scene game in a nutshell. Pick-up essentially becomes obsolete because you invite these chicks to do whatever and then familiarity is established… when you see the same chicks over and over. Everyone knows everything about everyone pretty much.

      There’s no pressure when it comes to hooking up with the prime time chicks because word spreads and you know these chicks’ deals… most of the time multiple dudes part of that scene have already hit so there shouldn’t be any added pressure on retention (displayed as neediness)… because you already know the chick’s deal and dating history. If you embrace personal screening… you realize that they are just another chick, no really worthy of any added investment besides the occasional text and maybe taking them mini-golfing or some shit.

      It doesn’t take much investment… just gotta meet the right people and have them like you a lot. Ultimately, you gotta be bringing a lot of value to the scene. Looking good, being funny, having a lot of experience that people would find interesting, having money, being a chick magnet (the ability to attract chicks and bring them to parties/events where everyone in the scene is meeting up).

      I work the 9-5 and am part of the scene here in Austin. It absolutely can be done but you gotta be efficient with your time and put the approaching shit to the side for a little bit.

      The player lifestyle means having the ability to get laid on your own terms. It doesn’t mean going out and spam approaching a club and hopefully 1-3 nights a week you can pull a drunk chubby chick. It means versatility… You can do the pick-up thing and get laid consistently. You can get laid from social circle. You can get laid without approaching at all. You can get laid by chance. You can also get laid wherever you are located geographically.

      The difference between a player and a pick-up artist is that a player can get pussy from anywhere… school, gym, supermarket, park, street, bookstore, whatever.
      pua kids spend the majority of their time hitting up bars and clubs and that’s it.

      Retention is a little bit more difficult because no chick wants to really develop a relationship with a dude that she met at a bar or club… it’s a not on her reputation for when she has to answer the question to friends and family “Where did you guys meet?”

      The only answer in short is to work toward making yourself a 10. Looks, masculinity, personality, physique… everything is in play.
      When you’re a legitimate 10 (as close to the total package as possible)…. you’re attractive to people in general. Youre in high demand. Chicks wanna fuck you. Dudes wanna kick it with you.

      • assman
        June 8, 2014 at 1:51 am — Reply

        how do u become a part of the scene in Austin? What did you bring to the table? Did you just start talking to the promoters and overtime developed a friendship with them?

        • June 8, 2014 at 2:10 am — Reply

          Being bi-racial, good looking, and really really New York helped a lot.
          I’ll write a post on it someday but being from New York and having that as part of your personal brand is huge in the US. BIG ADVANTAGE… especially if you decide to go anywhere else.

          Basically, I went out on a Sunday Funday a few months ago. I went to a hot spot. I didn’t approach chicks. I was on the lookout for major players. Dudes that I could tell ran shit. I saw a group of them at a table with a bunch of hot chicks. Went up and introduced myself. They were very cool and welcoming. They took me in as one of their own. Told me what’s up and introducing me to a bunch of people. Got a few of the top dawgs numbers. And signed up at the same gym as them. Past few months I’ve seen them everyday at the gym/worked out with them a bunch too. So it’s only natural that they invite me to shit when it’s going on. Now I’m set.

          Those guys run shit here in Austin. And it’s known that I run with that crew… can go to the hottest places with them (not wait on line and get a table), get to go out on their boats on the lake any weekend I want, introduced to girls… a lot of perks.

          I’ll teach the scene shit on this site too because there is definitely a process to getting a top notch social circle especially if you’re brand new to a city.

          • assman
            June 8, 2014 at 2:43 am

            sounds legit just look the type of dude they’d want to associate with and basically introduce yourself and hope for the best lol

          • June 8, 2014 at 3:32 am

            There’s a lot of stuff that goes into it… other things such as being readily available to help them out to solidify friendship, what knowledge you have to offer, etc.

            I will cover everything and give step by step instructions on how to do it all… that’s another series for another time.

  11. XAvi
    June 8, 2014 at 6:32 pm — Reply

    Yo Sonny do you have any specific training routine or do you Just Fucking Train

    • June 8, 2014 at 7:57 pm — Reply

      No just train. I have certain rules/principles that I abide by for each bodypart. And I might take certain elements from training programs such as Dorian Yates HIT, FST-7, German Volume Training… put definitely don’t take the time to look up a program and follow it to a T.

  12. ANThony
    June 13, 2014 at 2:42 am — Reply

    Hey Sonny,

    Do some of your questions for whether she’s worth it or not pose a double standard? Ex, her past sexual history, hooking up casually, etc…

    Not saying you’re right or wrong, just curious to hear your take on it.

    • June 13, 2014 at 6:59 pm — Reply

      Yes, but then again that boils down to whether or not you’re into the whole feminist equality shit.

  13. ANThony
    June 14, 2014 at 11:58 am — Reply

    So if you met a girl like you who has “been around the block”, even though she might have a great job, great looking, is moral and ethical, etc… she would not be eligible for you?

    Don’t worry, I hate femnazis too, but I think in this day and age men and women have on average the same sexual history so how do you go about finding this magical woman who passes all these questions?

    • June 15, 2014 at 2:16 am — Reply

      That’s correct… a “been around the block” chick is not gf material. At least, not for a guy who has options.
      Also, “the been around the block” chicks suffer from sexual boredom… they usually have a lot of traits similar to guys in that “cheating” is not seen as a big deal. It usually doesn’t take much with those chicks even when they are in relationships… usually just a guy with some closing instinct and some alcohol.

      Not really, chicks can go a long time without having sex for whatever reason. That sort of falls in under the PUA lie that all women are nymphos who like to fuck more than men and are likely to cheat. Absolutely not true.

      It’s not that difficult because most women have sex in relationships… There’s nothing magical about to a cool dude who isn’t obsessed with the pick-up thing.
      It’s more difficult for you average aspiring PUA because he spends the majority of his time trying to meet chicks at bars and get a one night stand.

      That’s a horrible game plan because the chances of you meeting a chick who is gf worthy from picking her up at a bar are slim to none.

      That’s why if getting a gf is a real goal of yours you should not be doing pick-up at bars/clubs. You should be hitting up chicks during the day at the grocery store, gym, coffee shop and relying on social circle (non-club scene).

      • Anthony
        June 15, 2014 at 7:03 pm — Reply

        What’s your definition of been around the block – more than 10 guys? A one night stand?

        Sorry for all these questions, you seem to know what the deal is, so I want to pick your brain!

        • June 15, 2014 at 7:35 pm — Reply

          A young high quality chick will be single digits/only had sex with guys she was dating/perhaps even a virgin. 10 guys is a lot…. that means she’s either slept around or had 10 boyfriends and makes poor relationship decisions… A lot of sexual partners means she is numb to making serious emotional connection.
          That’s reality.

          Party girls have one night stands… Also not all chicks have one night stands in college.

          Traditional PUA might argue that you can never know what a chick’s deal is…. Of course you can.
          If a chick has perceived daddy issues and spends more time out with her friends partying than with her family… she’s not worth it.
          If all she talks about is how she likes spending a lot of time doing shit with her family and isn’t into partying…. she probably isn’t the type to go out and have one night stands.

          • June 15, 2014 at 7:41 pm

            PUA sources instill this fear in readers that all women are secret sluts that all have a history of cheating on their bf and secretly meeting up with alpha males to go fuck at 2 AM….

            Is this true? It absolutely can be. Especially if you are specifically focusing on the types of chicks that go out 3-4 nights per week/are professional bottle rats.

            My solution: If you want a serious gf avoid that scene all together and get your women from somewhere else… Play the game with the odds in your favor.

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