Social Skills

How to Become Good With People: Part V (Social Freedom)

So we have come to the final part of our “How to Become Good With People” series. I’ve had a lot of fun writing these up and I hope that you will find them helpful if you are currently struggling in the social aspect of your life. Even if you aren’t, maybe these articles will serve as a reminder of what is working for you.

In Part IV, we talked about the importance of becoming a multi-dimensional man and what you can do to put yourself on that path to being able to easily relate with others… Get as much KNOWLEDGE and EXPERIENCE while you are young.

I ended Part IV with a cliffhanger or sorts because I said an interesting thing tends to happen as you expand yourself and become more multi-dimensional… that’s what Part V is about. In Part V, we will discuss Social Freedom.

 

 

 Social Freedom

There’s a lot of talk about the concept of social freedom. There’s a reason for that… it’s important. I think that this concept is often misunderstood because of the fact that most dudes who are aware of it often try to attain it without having that solid foundation of good people skills. That’s a surefire way to being looked at as weird or socially awkward… if you try to become a socially free individual without a base of solid communication skills you can become a social outcast pretty quickly if you do something stupid.

This reason for this is because there seems to be some confusion over what social freedom actually is… social freedom DOES NOT merely mean having the ability to do and say whatever you want. It doesn’t mean applying an “I don’t care” attitude toward everything you do. It just doesn’t. I’ve seen it all too often and read about it countless times when I used to contribute to a PUA forum… scores of socially awkward kids spam approaching every chick they see and going “beast mode” burning it to the ground. That’s not social freedom. That’s stupidity. That’s lack of common sense. In reality, that’s social ignorance because they don’t know any better.

If a kid is socially awkward and decides to operate in “I don’t care” mode… that’s not really an ideal solution. He might get rid of some anxiety and recognize that it’s okay to talk to strangers. However, he is not socially free. He just doesn’t know any better. More importantly, he doesn’t have any real control over the situation. It’s pretty much the luck of the draw. It’s random. It’s entirely dependent upon the other person. The reason for this is because if the kid does not have that solid foundation of good people skills, he has no chance of being smooth in conversation and potentially greasing the wheels to get what he wants. He doesn’t even know what how to go about doing those things.

Most kids who get hardcore into pick-up and go through the trenches of cold approaching chicks all the time ARE NOT SOCIALLY FREE. No matter how much they say they don’t care, the truth of the matter is they do. I’ve worked with PUA guys before and have seen the stuff that goes on in those types of forums. They say stuff like go hard… pimp it… beast mode… plow… and burn it to the ground. What happens when none of that works? What’s happens on those nights when the little tricks and tactics do not work?…. They are left all alone to their thoughts making that long, lonely back to wherever… witnessing how everyone else is having a blast, partying it up with their friends. Or they end up with other guys just like them at a diner at 4 AM spam approaching drunk chicks that come in and talking pick-up theory in their spare time.

A lot of guys who are into pick-up are not socially free and are nowhere even close because they put so much time/effort into PUA that they neglect their ability to relate with others and they neglect building solid social circles. They are very much one-dimensional because so much time is tied into approaching and the quest for pussy. That’s why some guys even resent when others get laid from social circle and try to rationalize to themselves that “it doesn’t count if it wasn’t a cold approach.”

Ultimately, they are not free because they put so much time and effort into one avenue of exposure to people…. Approaching chicks and meeting up with other PUA kids just like them.

It’s very common in PUA communities/forums actually. A lot of kids (especially the younger ones) think that having the ability to cold approach means so much. It’s cool and definitely puts you ahead of the curve but it can only get you so far. It doesn’t give you much in terms of true social freedom because when the majority of your time is put into approaching you are not in control…. It’s pretty much you pushing the limit and hopefully nobody overreacts/tries to get the police involved. *** I have seen dudes get knocked out and some even go to jail for cold approach stupidity, so I know that worst case scenario is a definite possibility.

But bottom line, cold approach/”not caring” does not equate to actual social freedom because of the fact that you are relying on luck of the draw pretty much. You don’t actually have control. You’re not dictating the various aspects of your social existence… it’s dream chasing at best.

But we’re not about that here at SBS… we’re about doing things the right way. We’re about setting up a solid foundation of good people skills by way of becoming a multi-dimensional man. I don’t want you guys to be like those kids wandering around aimlessly in the club all night long… begging for scraps/getting down on yourself that “your game is off” while you see everyone else has a sense of belonging within their group. You shouldn’t want that either because that’s a quick way to feel bad. You should be striving for happiness…. You want to be the guy who is kissing his girlfriend on New Year’s when the clock strikes midnight, surrounded by your cool friends and just knowing that you are on the right path and everything’s gonna be alright. That sense of security, that empowerment… simple stuff like that can and will make the difference. Ok so let me introduce to you the Strength By Sonny definition of SOCIAL FREEDOM.

 

Social Freedom According to Strength By Sonny

This is what social freedom actually is…

SOCIAL FREEDOM is the ability to set up your desired social situation at any given time period in your life. It means having the ability to get the friends you want in your life and set up the dating life you want. From a general “social” standpoint, it means you have the ability to do what you want. If you want “cool friends”, you can put yourself out there and have the social savviness to seek out/befriend the right people. It also means you can recognize the people to stay away from. On the flip side, it means you also have the ability to operate in lone wolf mode if that is needed for brief periods of time (such as being brand new to a city).

From a dating aspect, it means that you can purposely set up the dating life that you want.

1. If you want to be a player, you can go out during the day/night hitting on chicks and get laid.

2. You can get laid efficiently…. Meaning not having to go out to bars/clubs with the intent to get laid. You can get simply go about your normal daily routine and hit on the hot chicks that happen to come along your way.

*** More on getting laid efficiently at a later time.

3. You can rely exclusively on your already established social circle to get laid/get a girlfriend.

4. You can “get” a girl in a committed relationship when you want instead of relying on chance.

That’s what true social freedom is… having the ability to set up the social life that you want (whenever you want) and having the ability to set up the dating life you want (whenever you want).

I mean that should make sense right? Your social life can be thought of as being comprised of your regular friends and friends you bang (chicks) haha. Freedom (itself) can be thought of having/getting what you want, whenever you want. Put them together and you got social freedom.

As you can imagine, getting true social freedom is much easier said than. It is almost impossible if you lack superb people skills/social savviness. That is what I have tried to get you guys in the habit of building from this five part series. Let’s conclude by reviewing the series and tying this all together.

 

Concluding Thoughts on How to Become Good With People

This series was important for me and it is certainly important for you. Like my two part introduction on game, this is series on people skills is part of an overall foundation we are setting up here.

People is the one constant that matters. You want happiness? You want that awesome lifestyle where you have security and a sense of belonging? Its starts with having good general people skills. It starts with having an idea of who you are interacting with and judging a book by its cover to develop your own CliffsNotes to achieve basic understanding aka answering the question “What is their deal?” (Part I). When you have an idea of who you are talking with, it enables you to flow in conversation and have situational understanding. Just remember to let the other person talk about themselves, build off of small talk, and avoid awkwardness (Part II).

You’re going to want a lot of things in life. It’s pretty rare that you can just go out and get it for yourself. You will have to deal with people most of the time. You have to have a basic understanding of who you are dealing with and build rapport with them so that you can grease the wheels (Part III). Multi-dimensionality is the most important element in all this… not only for your ability to relate with others but also for your own well-being. Get as much overall KNOWLEDGE and EXPERIENCE as you can… it makes you multi-dimensional which gives you that ability to relate with others fairly easily (more chances for establishing commonality).

Overall, becoming a multi-dimensional man will make you more confident in your interactions (Part IV). And finally, multi-dimensionality is what will give you the best chance at getting true social freedom. Getting what you want socially (friends/girls) when you want is not an easy task. You can either get it by extreme luck or superior people skills. If you want control, you need those people skills. Being a multi-dimensional individual (someone with a lot of experience and knowledge) gives you the best chance because again the constant is people. When you have experience and knowledge, you know who to associate with/who to avoid and you know (from experience) how to deal with certain people….

That’s the name of the game fellas. I really layed it out there and did my best to explain people skills in a five part series… I think we can put this topic to rest for a little bit and focus on some more exciting things. Be sure to check out our YouTube Channel and Twitter for constant updates. We’re just getting started gentlemen much more to come!

 

Sonny

Previous post

How to Become Good With People: Part IV (The Ultimate Goal… Multi-dimensionality)

Next post

Sonny’s Guide to Screening: Part I (The Only Question That Matters)

 

29 Comments

  1. goodlookingwinner
    April 21, 2014 at 11:51 pm — Reply

    What steps can we take to achieve social freedom?

    • April 22, 2014 at 12:02 am — Reply

      Follow the advice outlined in Parts I – IV and build off of that.
      The key to true social freedom is multi-dimensionality… you get that from KNOWLEDGE and EXPERIENCE.

  2. slayer
    April 22, 2014 at 5:23 pm — Reply

    Yep. No doubt I’m getting social freedom set up for me in college. I have above average social skills but missed my mark ‘fitting in’ nicely in high school… underachieved for my standards. I’ve got many glimpses of the light, but soon it will be time to arrive

    • slayer
      April 22, 2014 at 5:24 pm — Reply

      By the way, you already know this, but this site is the shit… lookin at you as the big brother I never had. Peace bro

      • April 23, 2014 at 3:54 am — Reply

        thanks bud that means a lot!

    • April 23, 2014 at 3:56 am — Reply

      Great man! yea college can def be looked at as a second chance if things didn’t go as planned in high school…
      that’s why everyone is so excited during Orientation. It’s a fresh start for everyone.

  3. RaD
    April 23, 2014 at 2:54 am — Reply

    This is it. I couldn’t agree more as far as your definition goes. People skills are so underrated. You give a detailed road map for those who aren’t socially savvy on how to improve, but for those of use who are, you REALLY have brought us home. I personally have struggled with so many definitions and what not that I have tried to MAKE fit who I am, that really just don’t.

    This gels, and I thank you for that. Looking forward to your next article Sonny.

    • April 23, 2014 at 3:54 am — Reply

      Thanks dude… def wanted to put out a definition that makes sense. More importantly have some sort of tangible goal so that you know when you are becoming more socially free.

      Thanks for stopping by!

  4. April 23, 2014 at 6:51 am — Reply

    Sonny, this five parts series is great.
    The last one here is my favourite.
    All five are saved, tagged and synced to my Evernote for future reference.
    Thanks and looking forward to upcoming posts. -dcl

    • April 23, 2014 at 5:41 pm — Reply

      Thanks dude. Yea we just getting started bro!

  5. Gettingthere
    April 24, 2014 at 11:59 pm — Reply

    Amazing info man, wish I had this 4 years ago, I’m literally about to graduate from college. I just never really looked into how I should approach people differently with the fresh start college gives you. I’m sure if I knew all of this my freshman year I’d be in a completely different situation than I am now.

    I’m still pretty young, but I have no clue what to do with myself after college in terms of getting friends/social freedom. Any ideas?

    • April 26, 2014 at 10:28 pm — Reply

      Yea. Depends on where you are…. In the US, try to get to a city that has a lot going on.

      Be honest with yourself. Who are you what are you into?…

      I go to the gym all the time… So when I first came to Austin, that’s where I found my current friends. Luckily, they are all also part of the scene in Austin (they pretty much run shit).

      Also, and not many people distinguish this… If you are into pick-up, you absolutely have to separate your pick-up life from your regular friends/social circle life.
      I wouldn’t spend all of my time with your local PUA kids, going out all the time approaching chicks. Most dudes make this mistake to the point where this is their only form of social interaction with others.

      They work/go to school and then they go out hunting chicks. Can’t do that… Gotta have balance (doing a lot of different shit) so that you can be a person who has multiple options of hanging out with people.

      Most kids into PUA/similar red pill sites do: work/school and pick-up *** that’s not conducive to enjoying life /having a lot of options (social and dating.
      My suggested game plan for your guys: work/school, cool friends (social circle), gym, chill time/hobby with others

      *** Do your best to sort of dip your pen into different ink… develop a cool social circle (based off of ppl who have similar interests), have some friends you hang out with specifically to hunt chicks, be cool with some ppl from work/school, be acquainted with a few chicks in a non-sexual matter (chicks you are just “cool” with)

  6. […] How to Become Good With People: Part V (Social Freedom) […]

  7. May 4, 2014 at 4:38 am — Reply

    Hey Sonny,

    Can you talk a little about mentors? I find many successful people had good mentors. Growing up I noticed some guys just get along with their seniors, like teachers, upperclassman. And somehow these older guys see something in this young person. What qualities should one possess to be accepted by a mentor. Is it his enthusiasm, energy, confidence (if so, how did he become confident at such a young age?)

    • May 4, 2014 at 8:15 pm — Reply

      yes. Mentors are very important and eventually I will cover that as well

      That’s pretty much what I have been able to do my entire life… being the young up and comer amongst the older more established guys

      ex. in 1st grade I was close friends with the popular 4th and 5th graders
      8th grade I was friends with kids in high school and was already being invited to high school parties
      frosh/soph year of college I was friends with the upperclassman in top tier frats
      Now I am by far the youngest one in my social circle… All the guys are like me but in their 30s

      Overall you need to be a likeable person… You gotta bring something to the table that people would like… Pretty much the same things we talk about when we say bringing a lot to the table when it comes to getting chicks… Doing that in general will give you the most options as far as older friends/mentors are concerned

  8. XAvi
    May 16, 2014 at 7:33 pm — Reply

    Yo Sonny this shit is magic! Being surrounded and havingnan fancy time is pretty fun! Ive always been a social dude but using small talk rhe way you describe it plain simple works. Since i turned back the clock life is so much simpler and better! I really notice that people start liking me after I let them talk about themselves. Fuckin love you Sonny! Whats your nutrition like BTW would really like tobknow. Im still a bit skinny fat after 1 year of seriousnliftin and im 17 years old. Any advice? BTW when are you bringing out products. Now you know there is a demand for yo’ shit;)

    • May 19, 2014 at 1:11 am — Reply

      Thanks dude. Products will take some time because I want word to get out on this site a little bit more plus I’m working with a web guy on a new design.

      As far as nutrition advice, limit beer consumption and make sure you eat plenty of foods with zinc (promotes test production).
      steak eggs shellfish etc.

  9. Xavi
    May 20, 2014 at 7:44 pm — Reply

    Yo Sonny.
    What do you think is the main cause for someone being skinnyfat?

    • May 20, 2014 at 8:29 pm — Reply

      Hormones and diet (especially during your developmental years)… also genetics.

      If you grew up eating shit like mac and cheese/cereal/MacDonalds and you don’t have top level genetics/didn’t play sports or work out. Chances are by the time you 18/19 you’re gonna be skinny fat.

      A lot of black kids I knew grew up eating shitty food but they played sports/had incredible genetics… so they can get away with eating Chick-Fil-A twice a day and still be ripped.

      I lucked out genetically (half Filipino half Russian) and was always playing sports. But most importantly, my Dad always cooked food for me and I grew up eating real healthy… eating foods high in zinc such as steak, eggs, shellfish… a lot of fish in general actually.

      Once in a while after games I might have pigged out on burgers fries and pizza.

      But diet absolutely matters a lot especially in your development years.

      • Cam..
        May 21, 2014 at 1:46 am — Reply

        Tru story. I’ve always wondered this.

        I’m black.. I can eat once a day and still make some gains when I hit the gym. Matter of fact, my cuzin that I train with at school eats cereal (the struggle) and milk all day and he’s gone from 160 to 190 in 6 months.

        My question would be, how tf do you learn about all the stuff you need to know before it’s too late (e.g if I. Had known about all this diet and training stuff I would have been a beast by the time I hit 18.. Woulda probably been recruited for d1 somewhere like Alabama) I just finished college last week and turned 21..

        Now I’m thinking.. The next thing will be finances.. How do I set up my life so that I don’t waste my 20s so to speak.. My friends are cool af. We all chill, party, and get the bitches. But I know majority of them party way too much to be successful in other areas. I don’t wanna have regrets.

        Thank god I found this site lol

        • May 21, 2014 at 2:46 am — Reply

          Yea man I don’t think I mentioned this but during my early years (2006-2007) I never took protein shakes. I would literally work out for 1-2 hours and then get a burger chicken tenders and fries at a restaurant next door where I knew the owner.

          I didn’t know shit about nutrition. I started drinking protein shakes Summer of 2008. During college I ate whatever I wanted/partied and still made gains.

          There’s def been mistakes (or things that like you I became aware of too late). The big one that comes to mind is PROFESSIONAL NETWORKING in COLLEGE and getting a good job. I learned the hard way because I didn’t take advantage of all the resources available to me at school. I was too busy doing what I wanted to do. It took a lot of trial/error and hustle on my part but I was able to get something solid. Hardcore networking and my own underground techniques/tactics for establishing a career/professional network is def something I want to share on this site.

          Finances is another one that I’ll cover as well so don’t worry. It’s simple actually. DO NOT buy shit you cannot afford and do everything you can to pay the cash upfront and own it (no monthly payments… none of that shit). DO NOT FALL for bullshit consumerism.

          Ex. Most kids my age that get good high paying jobs out of school want to get the fancy car to match (payed monthly) and the nice place uptown ($2000+) a month rent. They bury themselves in bills. And then you got the guys who decide to get married right out of school despite working an entry-level job making $35K a year and on top of it they buy a house they can’t afford…. not to mention paying off student loans.

          I have a high paying job… I drive a used truck that I payed 2 grand for (payed in full upfront) and my rent is $700 a month (inc. utilities). I live below my means.

          *** Personal Finance after college is very simple… Live as cheaply as possible.

          As for your friends, you can still be friends with them but eventually the partying will have to be toned down. I wouldn’t sleep on those cats though. I know tons of examples like that… dudes who partied a fuck ton got it out of their system and then they hit the switch and have incredible focus and become very successful.

          Actually, that’s the path most of my role models took. You would rather go that route versus being a guy who lagged behind in that department during his 20s and then you hit 30 and start chasing that life. That’s a recipe for disaster.

          • Cam..
            May 21, 2014 at 3:36 am

            Damn! Thanks for the brief..

            Definitely planning on switching shit around starting June 1st. Seems like busting my ass and not settling for mediocrity is the only way. So be it. I’ve got the energy and willpower.. Might as well while I’m still young.

            And yea.. Building a professional network is something I gotta work more on. A lot of people it seems, get jobs through some kind of recommendation/network.. Rather than the typical front door route. Def gotta look into this. Gotta get my foot in the door. . .

            I think the only thing I would ever regret doing was saying fuk it. As in..i Read a bunch of shit online somewhere that preached “college doesn’t guarantee success.. It’s almost useless blah blah blah” so I kinda slaked of junior year and partied hardcore bcz in my head, it didn’t matter. (kinda dumb I kno). I’m Finally Using some common sense now tho lol.

            P.s been getting a lot of texts congratulating me.. Most of them end with..” So what’s next?” ..
            I’ve got some kind of plan but I can feel the pressure. You probably went through that too.

            Hopefully I can just do me, and finally hit up vegas and unwind this July

          • May 21, 2014 at 9:46 pm

            I know exactly what you’re going through. It’s still very fresh in my memory.

            What ever you don’t…. Do not fall for other people’s bullshit advice to go back to school to get another fancy degree unless you know it will help you out.
            You’re alumni network is everything…. that should be your first priority for networking.

            There’s a special bond amongst ppl who graduated from the same school (more so if you went to a sports school though). Alumni love to help out recent grads so use that new college grad halo as much as possible.

            Damn homie I’m going to Vegas end of June. Gonna be sick.

          • Cam..
            May 22, 2014 at 1:07 pm

            Def need to stop taking random advice for family who’s best interest is in showing you off to the rest of the world.

            Thanx for the advice bro!

  10. Smooth Operator
    May 28, 2014 at 6:03 am — Reply

    Hey Sonny,

    After you make small talk with someone, create a vibe, how do you become closer friends with them.?

    I observe the cool guys, and they usually have a crew with them so they may invite you to their BBQ, meet their friends at a bar. But if you don’t already have a crew or cool gigs to invite people to, how do you go about it? Are you just cool enough that people will invite you, or do you just ask a dude to come have a drink with you at a bar or go watch MMA.

    Generally people are very value dependent. Myself included. If a dude invite me to an event and it sucked, I am apt to start making excuses not to hang out with him the next time.

    • May 28, 2014 at 7:01 am — Reply

      You could either be cool enough where they will just invite you everywhere. Or you could just embrace that halo of being there wanting to meet new people.

      Gotta see the good in people and maintain a positive outlook. Most of the time (if they are cool), people will be willing to have you hang out with them.

      Yea man nothing wrong with asking some guys to grab a beer or hang out at Hooter’s or some shit.

      *** I plan on going into the whole setting up a social circle thing down the road… but hit on it VALUE.

      You are more likely to be welcome into a group if you bring some sort of VALUE…

      ex. Girls, if you have money/status, if you have a boat you can invite people on, if you got a big house you can throw parties, drugs, etc.

      If you got chicks you can invite out, it will be very easy for you to be accepted into a crew.

  11. […] That’s one of the perks that come along with true social freedom. […]

  12. […] Solid social skills are a fast ticket to an enjoyable lifestyle. […]

  13. March 9, 2015 at 4:43 am — Reply

    […] and every person is their own unique brand. Your relations with other people and the amount of social success that you experience is entirely the result of you building your personal brand and how well you […]

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