How to Become Good With People: Part V (Social Freedom)
So we have come to the final part of our “How to Become Good With People” series. I’ve had a lot of fun writing these up and I hope that you will find them helpful if you are currently struggling in the social aspect of your life. Even if you aren’t, maybe these articles will serve as a reminder of what is working for you.
In Part IV, we talked about the importance of becoming a multi-dimensional man and what you can do to put yourself on that path to being able to easily relate with others… Get as much KNOWLEDGE and EXPERIENCE while you are young.
I ended Part IV with a cliffhanger or sorts because I said an interesting thing tends to happen as you expand yourself and become more multi-dimensional… that’s what Part V is about. In Part V, we will discuss Social Freedom.
There’s a lot of talk about the concept of social freedom. There’s a reason for that… it’s important. I think that this concept is often misunderstood because of the fact that most dudes who are aware of it often try to attain it without having that solid foundation of good people skills. That’s a surefire way to being looked at as weird or socially awkward… if you try to become a socially free individual without a base of solid communication skills you can become a social outcast pretty quickly if you do something stupid.
This reason for this is because there seems to be some confusion over what social freedom actually is… social freedom DOES NOT merely mean having the ability to do and say whatever you want. It doesn’t mean applying an “I don’t care” attitude toward everything you do. It just doesn’t. I’ve seen it all too often and read about it countless times when I used to contribute to a PUA forum… scores of socially awkward kids spam approaching every chick they see and going “beast mode” burning it to the ground. That’s not social freedom. That’s stupidity. That’s lack of common sense. In reality, that’s social ignorance because they don’t know any better.
If a kid is socially awkward and decides to operate in “I don’t care” mode… that’s not really an ideal solution. He might get rid of some anxiety and recognize that it’s okay to talk to strangers. However, he is not socially free. He just doesn’t know any better. More importantly, he doesn’t have any real control over the situation. It’s pretty much the luck of the draw. It’s random. It’s entirely dependent upon the other person. The reason for this is because if the kid does not have that solid foundation of good people skills, he has no chance of being smooth in conversation and potentially greasing the wheels to get what he wants. He doesn’t even know what how to go about doing those things.
Most kids who get hardcore into pick-up and go through the trenches of cold approaching chicks all the time ARE NOT SOCIALLY FREE. No matter how much they say they don’t care, the truth of the matter is they do. I’ve worked with PUA guys before and have seen the stuff that goes on in those types of forums. They say stuff like go hard… pimp it… beast mode… plow… and burn it to the ground. What happens when none of that works? What’s happens on those nights when the little tricks and tactics do not work?…. They are left all alone to their thoughts making that long, lonely back to wherever… witnessing how everyone else is having a blast, partying it up with their friends. Or they end up with other guys just like them at a diner at 4 AM spam approaching drunk chicks that come in and talking pick-up theory in their spare time.
A lot of guys who are into pick-up are not socially free and are nowhere even close because they put so much time/effort into PUA that they neglect their ability to relate with others and they neglect building solid social circles. They are very much one-dimensional because so much time is tied into approaching and the quest for pussy. That’s why some guys even resent when others get laid from social circle and try to rationalize to themselves that “it doesn’t count if it wasn’t a cold approach.”
Ultimately, they are not free because they put so much time and effort into one avenue of exposure to people…. Approaching chicks and meeting up with other PUA kids just like them.
It’s very common in PUA communities/forums actually. A lot of kids (especially the younger ones) think that having the ability to cold approach means so much. It’s cool and definitely puts you ahead of the curve but it can only get you so far. It doesn’t give you much in terms of true social freedom because when the majority of your time is put into approaching you are not in control…. It’s pretty much you pushing the limit and hopefully nobody overreacts/tries to get the police involved. *** I have seen dudes get knocked out and some even go to jail for cold approach stupidity, so I know that worst case scenario is a definite possibility.
But bottom line, cold approach/”not caring” does not equate to actual social freedom because of the fact that you are relying on luck of the draw pretty much. You don’t actually have control. You’re not dictating the various aspects of your social existence… it’s dream chasing at best.
But we’re not about that here at SBS… we’re about doing things the right way. We’re about setting up a solid foundation of good people skills by way of becoming a multi-dimensional man. I don’t want you guys to be like those kids wandering around aimlessly in the club all night long… begging for scraps/getting down on yourself that “your game is off” while you see everyone else has a sense of belonging within their group. You shouldn’t want that either because that’s a quick way to feel bad. You should be striving for happiness…. You want to be the guy who is kissing his girlfriend on New Year’s when the clock strikes midnight, surrounded by your cool friends and just knowing that you are on the right path and everything’s gonna be alright. That sense of security, that empowerment… simple stuff like that can and will make the difference. Ok so let me introduce to you the Strength By Sonny definition of SOCIAL FREEDOM.
Social Freedom According to Strength By Sonny
This is what social freedom actually is…
SOCIAL FREEDOM is the ability to set up your desired social situation at any given time period in your life. It means having the ability to get the friends you want in your life and set up the dating life you want. From a general “social” standpoint, it means you have the ability to do what you want. If you want “cool friends”, you can put yourself out there and have the social savviness to seek out/befriend the right people. It also means you can recognize the people to stay away from. On the flip side, it means you also have the ability to operate in lone wolf mode if that is needed for brief periods of time (such as being brand new to a city).
From a dating aspect, it means that you can purposely set up the dating life that you want.
1. If you want to be a player, you can go out during the day/night hitting on chicks and get laid.
2. You can get laid efficiently…. Meaning not having to go out to bars/clubs with the intent to get laid. You can get simply go about your normal daily routine and hit on the hot chicks that happen to come along your way.
*** More on getting laid efficiently at a later time.
3. You can rely exclusively on your already established social circle to get laid/get a girlfriend.
4. You can “get” a girl in a committed relationship when you want instead of relying on chance.
That’s what true social freedom is… having the ability to set up the social life that you want (whenever you want) and having the ability to set up the dating life you want (whenever you want).
I mean that should make sense right? Your social life can be thought of as being comprised of your regular friends and friends you bang (chicks) haha. Freedom (itself) can be thought of having/getting what you want, whenever you want. Put them together and you got social freedom.
As you can imagine, getting true social freedom is much easier said than. It is almost impossible if you lack superb people skills/social savviness. That is what I have tried to get you guys in the habit of building from this five part series. Let’s conclude by reviewing the series and tying this all together.
Concluding Thoughts on How to Become Good With People
This series was important for me and it is certainly important for you. Like my two part introduction on game, this is series on people skills is part of an overall foundation we are setting up here.
People is the one constant that matters. You want happiness? You want that awesome lifestyle where you have security and a sense of belonging? Its starts with having good general people skills. It starts with having an idea of who you are interacting with and judging a book by its cover to develop your own CliffsNotes to achieve basic understanding aka answering the question “What is their deal?” (Part I). When you have an idea of who you are talking with, it enables you to flow in conversation and have situational understanding. Just remember to let the other person talk about themselves, build off of small talk, and avoid awkwardness (Part II).
You’re going to want a lot of things in life. It’s pretty rare that you can just go out and get it for yourself. You will have to deal with people most of the time. You have to have a basic understanding of who you are dealing with and build rapport with them so that you can grease the wheels (Part III). Multi-dimensionality is the most important element in all this… not only for your ability to relate with others but also for your own well-being. Get as much overall KNOWLEDGE and EXPERIENCE as you can… it makes you multi-dimensional which gives you that ability to relate with others fairly easily (more chances for establishing commonality).
Overall, becoming a multi-dimensional man will make you more confident in your interactions (Part IV). And finally, multi-dimensionality is what will give you the best chance at getting true social freedom. Getting what you want socially (friends/girls) when you want is not an easy task. You can either get it by extreme luck or superior people skills. If you want control, you need those people skills. Being a multi-dimensional individual (someone with a lot of experience and knowledge) gives you the best chance because again the constant is people. When you have experience and knowledge, you know who to associate with/who to avoid and you know (from experience) how to deal with certain people….
That’s the name of the game fellas. I really layed it out there and did my best to explain people skills in a five part series… I think we can put this topic to rest for a little bit and focus on some more exciting things. Be sure to check out our YouTube Channel and Twitter for constant updates. We’re just getting started gentlemen much more to come!