How to Become Good With People: Part IV (The Ultimate Goal… Multi-dimensionality)
Why am I emphasizing getting good with people first? Why didn’t I just get into the thick of it by whole-heartedly focusing on the dating advice or even my own personal bodybuilding advice? It’s because I pride myself on doing things the right way and truly wanting to help people. That’s why I have decided to make a five part series on “How to Become Good With People.”
My goal isn’t to make a big splash right away and go for the quick buck. If that were the case I would have thrown together some generic e-book about some non-sense and called it my own. Strength By Sonny is not about that. This community is about doing things the right way and the right way is dependent upon a solid foundation.
This is a self-improvement website that will over time prove to be unlike any other. I am confident that SBS will someday become a widely recognized community because I am the driving force behind it. You guys (and everyone else who is serious about BECOMING BETTER) are my motivation. I check my e-mail in the morning with the same excitement that a kid checks under the tree for Christmas. It means a lot when I see that someone finds value in what I wrote.
I take self-improvement seriously and every move I make is with your guys’ best interests kept in mind. PEOPLE is the one constant that matters.
There is no such thing as an awesome lifestyle without people in your life.
If you do not recognize the importance of having the right people in your life (or you’re just a stubborn prick) you will slowly decay in isolation. A man should not spend much time alone to his thoughts. You know why?… Because it’s far easier to sway towards negativity than positivity. Think about it. It’s so common for people to say “look at the bright side of things.” That’s because we are constantly thinking about how bad we have it… constantly thinking about what we don’t have versus what we do have.
The best way to avoid those pitfalls is to surround yourself with people. Spending time with cool friends and the right acquaintances enables you to protect yourself from your own negativity.
I spent end of Summer/Fall of 2013 living back at home. Looking back on it now and the life I have now…. It sucked. I was back in my old room, living under my parents’ roof, struggling to find a “professional job.” Had I been alone I probably would have sat all alone in my room thinking about how bad I had it. Eventually my volcanic temper would have consumed me and there’s no doubt in my mind I would have made some poor decisions.
But… I had a team. I was able to reacquaint with my old buddies from high school. And I met a cool chick that I made my girlfriend while I was back home. That team really helped me get through that period while I saved up money and looked for employment elsewhere. Even though I was back home, my team was there for me and helped me keep my sanity.
Bottom Line: Do Everything You Can to AVOID ISOLATION… especially when you are going through some tough times.
So what’s the goal in all this? How do you define success when it comes to this getting good with people material? The answer is MULTI-DIMENSIONALITY. Your goal should be to constantly be working on yourself to become a multi-dimensional man. Think of yourself as inching towards multi-dimensionality. Before I continue let’s discuss what multi-dimensionality actually is.
Becoming a Multi-Dimensional Man
There’s probably some cookie cutter definition of what it means to become a multi-dimensional man. Just so we are on the same page, I will give you all my own definition so that there is no confusion moving forward.
A multi-dimensional man is one who is able relate with individuals of many different ages, backgrounds, and cultures. People skills are at his core. He has EXPERIENCE and that EXPERIENCE gives him leverage when conversing with others. Instances where he is unable to find some sort of way of relating with another person and making them comfortable are rare. 04/17/14
That’s my definition of a “multi-dimensional man” as of April 17, 2014. Feel free to hold me to it. Like my introduction articles on game, that definition will remain the same for years to come. Ultimately, multi-dimensionality is a never ending quest. You’ll never reach a point where you “get there.” Multi-dimensionality is based upon EXPERIENCE and KNOWLEDGE… you’ll keep getting more of both until the day you die.
Why “Multi-Dimensionality” is the goal…
Multi-dimensionality is the goal because this is the essence of being good with people. Experience and knowledge are what will make you good with people. They are twins…. Bad little girls that will make you more comfortable with yourself and more confident when you are interacting with others.
When you have loads of experience and practical knowledge on many different subjects, the chances of you being able to relate with others increases dramatically. Furthermore, even if you have nothing in common with the other person, due to EXPERIENCE, you can usually find a way to relate with them and make them feel comfortable by …. GREASING THE WHEELS (Part III). Ok so we know what multi-dimensionality is and we know why it is important… now let’s discuss how YOU can become multi-dimensional.
How to Become Multi-Dimensional (2014 and beyond)
This advice is mostly applicable to the younger guys (18-25) give or take a few years. The reason for this is because when you are young… the sky’s the limit. You’re pretty much at the peak of your freedom. As you get older, the likelihood of running into freedom roadblocks (marriage, kids, debt, illness, staying in an fulfilling job) increases. If you are older and have enough freedom, you might find this useful too.
Ok so these are the general areas you want to focus if you want to become multi-dimensional.
When you are young and still got your youthful energy…. You definitely want to have experience living in different places and avoid stagnation (living in one place). When you are young, a change of environment is not only fun and exciting… but necessary (if you want to live a full life). When you are young, your ultimate game plan should revolve around setting up a solid foundation. In the SBS Community, we want our foundation to be built upon STRENGTH and PEOPLE SKILLS.
The easiest way to become experienced at interacting with a wide variety of people is to actually interact with a wide variety of people. And the best way to do that is to move around… jump from place to place while you are still young.
For example, the first thing that everyone always comments on when they first meet me is “Wow, you’ve been all over.” I don’t really think of myself in that way but compared to most dudes my age… you might be able to say that. I’m from New York and lived there full-time until I was 18.
I spent the past few years mostly living in North Carolina and partying at other schools in the Southeastern US. College was valuable for me because of the fact that I got to meet and live amongst people from all over the country. I learned the importance of knowing who I was talking with and learned how to make adjustments. I never would have really experienced that had I remained on Long Island. Along the way I have spent time in Washington DC, Las Vegas, Dallas, and now live in Austin, TX. That adds up to a lot of people from many different backgrounds that I have gotten to know. My people skills, while always good, were nothing compared to what they are now. That comes from six years of experience sort of hopping all around the US living in very different cities/experiencing the different cultures (or scenes) associated with each city.
So when you are young, definitely do your best to get experience living in different cities. As long as you get out of the house, you will meet a ton of people from many different backgrounds. Also do everything you can to get out from under your parents’ wings as soon as possible… When you stick around in one place like that, you miss out on the opportunity to interact with a wide variety of people. It’s mostly the people in your hometown/people you went to high school with. Life is a lot better when you are away from home and have your own place.
*** The best example of this is my father. He grew up in the Philippines. He was out of the house at 16 and bounced all around the Asian Pacific/Australia before coming to the US (age 25?). He started off in LA and eventually made his way to NYC. He’s got an incredible story chock full of experience… one day I’ll let him tell it to you guys.
Knowledge of Pop Culture (Basic understanding of what’s “hot”)
This again is for the younger guys. You gotta have at least a basic understanding of what’s hot and who’s hot. What is going on in the world of pop culture? What’s cool from a fashion sense? What’s the cool music everyone is listening to? What are the funny movies and television shows that crack everyone up? You have to have a basic understanding of these things because that stuff plays a big part in relating with other young people your (our) age. Most dudes who “get it” aka are cool have a basic understanding of this. To be safe I would absolutely make every effort to become familiar with HIP-HOP CULTURE. Hip-hop culture is very influential in the US… it influences the way we speak and the way we dress. This has been studied at the university level. All you guys in Europe, let me know if this is the case as well.
In the US, most cool people (guys and girls) listen to at least some rap and keep up to date with who the hot (popular) artists are. Most importantly, the dudes that are absolutely knockin off puss on the reg are usually very much influenced by hip-hop culture. They rock chains, wear fitted hats, might have some tats, and blast hoodrat music in their cars when they are driving. There’s exceptions but in my experience, those are the dudes that tend to kill it. I’ll talk a lot more about rap and how it helps when it comes to chicks when I get into that area of self-improvement.
** I was very much influenced by listening to a lot of rap music growing up and that culture is very much a part of my swag. I hope to make that more and more evident as I develop this site.
When you have an understanding of what’s going on in the world of pop culture… when you know who Jonah Hill is… you’ve seen Superbad… you get references to Workaholics… you are familiar with songs by Lil Wayne, Drake, Kendrick Lamar… It makes the task of relating with people (young) in today’s day and age a lot easier.
I think this is especially beneficial when it comes to being able to relate with chicks. When you have a basic understanding of the pop culture stuff that has been cool/relevant within the past decade… it’s just illustrates that YOU GET IT. It shows that you’re a normal dude who hasn’t been isolated/living under a rock. This is another instance where PUA students/kids who frequent pick-up forums fall short… they just “don’t get it” aka they are not cool and are not up to date on what’s hot. When you come across as a dude who “doesn’t get it”, making friends can be a difficult task. By default, getting chicks also becomes a difficult task. ** The only exception being if you want to focus on some weird niche like hipster or Goth chicks.
*** I would also encourage you to have an understanding of what USED TO BE HOT… like back in your parents’ days. There’s nothing like the old-school and it should never be forgotten. I’m saying to go around rockin bell bottoms or whatever. But it’s cool to have some familiarity with artists such as Earth Wind and Fire, LL Cool J, Notorious BIG, Def Leppard, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, and Otis Redding. What a random list haha.
Experience Working Different Jobs
A job is when you do something and get paid for it. I think it’s important for every young man to have experience working a job. You learn the value of money working a job. I’ve had a lot of jobs since I was a teenager. Here’s a short list of the stuff I have done to make money over the years…
Camp counselor, digging ditches, pumping cesspools, mate on a fishing boat, stocking shelves at a grocery store, stocking shelves at Toys R’ Us, Baseball Instructor, Tutor, building houses, various construction gigs, working in an auto shop, bussing tables, cold call sales, park maintenance, working at a hardware store, working at a library, selling textbooks, lobbying on Capitol Hill, writing articles for a newsletter, custodial work at a laboratory, doorman at a bar, working at a deli, and now work as a consultant for a mining company.
Wow, that’s a lot. I’m all over the place but there’s no denying that I’ve got experience in a bunch of different areas. This has definitely helped me out because I’ve had to deal with a lot of different people over the years at my jobs. I also have accumulated some basic knowledge here and there that I could use to relate with other people. Again, we see our two naughty girls KNOWLEDGE and EXPERIENCE coming back into the picture.
I know a lot of these red pill sites and forums talk about how jobs are evil and whatever but… they are still ways for you to get experience working and interacting with other people. When you have actual work experience, that’s when you can get a first-hand look into how the world functions. You learn how to interact with others and over time recognize the patterns in how people behave… this makes it much easier to relate with others.
Your Path to Becoming Multi-Dimensional
I can’t tell you exactly what you need to do to become as good as possible with people. Ultimately, you are going to have to figure out your own formula for that. That’s goes for any aspect of self-improvement. I can only give you guidelines based upon what I have seen work with myself and others who are close to me.
I believe multi-dimensionality should be that light at the end of the tunnel that you never quite reach. You should always be chasing after it by gaining as much experience and knowledge as possible. That’s what will ramp up your people skills. That is what will boost your confidence… knowing that in any social situation you can have an idea of what’s going on and relate with others.
I can honestly say that when you are well along the path to becoming multi-dimensional, an interesting thing tends to happen… But I’ll leave that for:
How to Become Good With People: Part V (Social Freedom)
Talk to you soon 🙂