Social Skills

How to Become Good With People: Part III (Greasing the Wheels)

Ok fellas hopefully by now you see the importance of building a strong foundation… a strong foundation of people skills and social awareness. Because this is where that foundation really comes into play.

Part I talked about using CliffsNotes to profile people so that you can have idea of what to talk about. Part II focused on using that initial understanding of a person(s) to flow in conversation and exhibit social awareness aka be normal and not be socially awkward. Part III is important because it focuses on a general goal that EVERYONE has in their life…

 

GETTING WHAT YOU WANT

 

It’s that simple. We all want something… anything and everything. The ideal situation is to just work hard and take it. Claim what you believe is yours. You want something, go get it. When you have 100% control over your situation in life, you can absolutely go out into the world and just take it. However, it is very rare that we have complete control over our environment.

Most of the time, we must deal with others. They are either standing in our way or simply need to be convinced to give in to our requests. This article will cover the topic of convincing others to give in to our requests… aka how to get what you want from people. That’s Part III of our “How to Become Good with People” series in a nutshell.

Now in most instances, you can’t just straight up ask someone for something. Contrary to what many people say, most don’t like straight to the point dialogue, especially in the overly feminized society of today. “Tell it like it is” just doesn’t cut it in a lot of cases. It turns a lot of people off. That’s why it’s important to know the essentials of “GREASING THE WHEELS”.

 

GREASING THE WHEELS DEFINED

Greasing the wheels addresses the issue of people not liking to be dealt with in a direct manner, especially when it comes to favors or requests. There’s always that sense of awkwardness when someone directly asks for something.

In all honesty, to grease the wheels means to BS someone into doing what you want or them giving you what you want. It means telling that person exactly what they want to hear as a way of lubricating the situation to get the wheels rolling in your favor. So you really are greasing the wheels.

To literally grease the wheels, means to make them run smoothly. That’s what we are doing here… making things run smoothly (in conversation). We are avoiding that awkwardness by not directly asking for what we want. Instead, we make things run smooth by fluffing them up (telling them what we know they want to hear) and then dropping it on them (asking what we want).

 

How DO YOU Grease the Wheels?

The way you grease the wheels is by following the basics outlined in Part I and Part II. Part I… Judge a book by its cover and just use the CliffsNotes. When you are able to sum a person up and profile them with reasonable accuracy that makes conversations easier. You have a pretty solid foundation for a good conversation.

In Part II, I mentioned…

 

1)  People want to talk about themselves.

2)  Using small talk to get the ball rolling.

3)  Be socially coordinated and aware of your environment.

 

Putting it all together, know as much about someone by summing them up and letting them reveal their story. Let them provide the answer to the question, “What is this person’s deal?’

As far as getting what you want, it’s a matter of adjusting to the individual you are dealing with. It’s very rare that you can just flat out ask them for what you want. The reason for this is that you have not provided anything in the interaction. Gotta give something to get something. So what should you give? What can you provide that will make that person feel comfortable enough to give you what you want?

 

UNDERSTANDING

 

By not cutting to the chase and awkwardly asking for what you want right away you are showing that you understand what’s going on. Most importantly, you show that you understand how stuff generally works. You understand that there is often a process that must take place. You understand that you have to chat an individual up first. You have to BS to some extent. That’s greasing the wheels. That’s how it’s done.

Contrary to a lot of stuff out there on red pill sites that suggests that you should “not care” and “just do what you want”, you really can’t just barge in and force your will on people to do what you want. That’s sort of the myth behind the whole “be an alpha male” and just do what you want garbage floating around. Some people take this to literally mean just go after what will get you results the quickest. That’s not reality.

Reality is if you want to become good with people and ultimately good at getting what you want, there is a finesse to dealing with people that must become a part of you arsenal. You have to be able to smooth talk people when the situation calls for it.

 

SMOOTH TALKING = GREASING THE WHEELS

 

Let’s go through a few examples so you can see that I’m not full of it and that this stuff really is common sense. But common sense absolutely needs to be hammered into the heads of readers that have wasted a lot of time browsing pick-up sites and other Internet forums.

Again, I’m getting this common sense/get good with people material out of the way now so that when I get to more interesting topics like how to screen chicks and get laid, everything will make sense. You will see just how important a strong foundation rooted in good basic people skills is. That’s my goal. I am building something here and there’s a reason why I cover certain topics at certain times.

 

 Example: Getting a representative to provide funding to a non-profit organization

1. Straight to the point (Low potential): Tim comes into the office and lays it all out on the table. He is meeting with him hoping to get funding for his organization. Tim gives him the boring details of the organization and prays that he’s feeling generous at the end of his pitch.

2. Greasing the wheels (Higher potential): Mike comes into the office and looks around. He gets an understanding of what this guy’s deal is. He notices a picture of him holding up a fish. He makes a comment on that and talks about how he loves fishing too. Builds off of that and BS with him for a few minutes. Just lets him talk about himself and his experiences. Then gets to the reason why he’s there. Mike tells him that he knows he’s very busy and that he would be helping a great cause to help finance his organization’s future projects. Also mentions that it would look great on his record as well.

Boom!!!… Tim wouldn’t stand a chance. He would show no understanding…. No understanding that this dude is busy and no understanding that with what little free time he had, he wouldn’t want to listen to a nobody basically come in and beg for money without bringing anything to the table.

With the second plan of attack, Mike would have a much better chance. He would absolutely be greasing the wheels. He wouldn’t be coming in and spewing boring stuff right away. He’d be talking about something cool… something they perhaps had in common. He would be building comfort. Most importantly, he would be letting him talk about himself. Mike would show that he has an UNDERSTANDING. His time is precious. He might as well let him waste it talking about something he probably enjoys… himself. Once he greases the wheels like that, asking for what he wants and potentially getting it becomes much easier.

 

Example: Getting a promotion at work

1. Straight to the point (Low potential): Steve works his ass off and does all the right things… or so he thinks. He comes into work early. He stays late. He keeps his head down like a good little worker bee and does what he’s told. He even comes in on the weekends to get ahead and take care of things for the boss. His strategy is to just do his job so there’s no way they can stop him from climbing up the corporate ladder. He treats his boss like his boss and that’s pretty much the extent of the relationship. When there’s an opening, he will go into the office and just lay it all out there…. Hoping for the best.

2. Greasing the wheels (Higher potential): Travis works hard… or at least does the bare minimum to give off the illusion of working hard. He comes into work on time (might be a few minutes late). He leaves at exactly 5:00 PM (probably a few minutes early). If his boss asks him to do something, he does it. He has a good relationship with the boss. He’s met his family. Once in a while they get a drink after work. Travis knows he’s looking to bump someone up to manager soon. So he takes the boss out with his boys and buys him a lap dance at the strip club.

Steve is just another worker bee. When he goes to ask for a promotion, he’ll probably have to remind the boss of what his name is. The boss will probably go with someone he feels is a better fit for the company. That someone will probably be Travis. Travis knows how to play the game and will probably win. He probably comes in and starts greasing the wheels from day 1. He knows that this is very much long term wheel greasing. He laughs at his jerk-off boss’ stupid jokes and smooth talks him on a regular basis. Over time he develops a good relationship with the boss. He BS’s him enough so that the boss lets his guard down a little bit. The boss becomes so comfortable with Travis that he considers him almost as much friend/family member as employee. As long Travis doesn’t mess it up, the promotion is his.

 

Example: Inviting a chick to your dorm room for sex

1. Straight to the point (Low potential): Ian is a college freshman. He didn’t come into college with much experience with chicks. The summer before college he spent most of his time reading pick-up forums. He tried to soak up as much information as possible about getting “good at game.” He even took a bootcamp with a pick-up company. He used his money that he got from graduating high school.

On his bootcamp, the gurus tell him that he has to plow. They tell him that all chicks are nymphos that want sex. They tell him that he can get any girl… he just has to plow.

One night, Ian goes out by himself to a frat party. He had to wait a while because he didn’t have any connections with that frat. Once he gets there, he does his little warm-up approaches and everyone sees him as a weirdo. By chance, he meets a really drunk chick in the kitchen upstairs. He spews some BS about going to an after party. She doesn’t have all of her senses but for some reason Ian decides to “pull her” from the party back to his dorm room. Once they are back there, she freaks out because there is no after party… just her in a dorm room with some creepy stranger. Ian tries to make out with her confirming that he just lied to get her back to his room for sex. She immediately leaves.

2. Greasing the wheels (Higher potential): Mark is a college freshman. He had a lot of friends in high school and has experience with chicks. He graduated high school with a hot girlfriend and chilled with her in the summer. He breaks it off right before they go away to their respective schools. He doesn’t want to deal with the BS with constantly being monitored and he doesn’t want to feel paranoid thinking his chick might cheat on him. He comes to college a free man.

One night Mark, rolls out to a frat party with his boys from the hall and a few chicks from the girls’ wing. While out he meets a chick that’s friends with one of the girls. They hit it off and Mark definitely wants to hit it. He really doesn’t do much just. He just lets the chick talk about herself and drops a naughty comment here and there. As they talk and drink, Mark gets increasingly physical with the chick…. Gives her a playful push here and there, grazes her hips, and eventually making out/grabbing her ass. He suggests they get out of there but the chick is a chick so she comes up with some excuse about her friends. Mark gazes into the chick’s eyes and knows she’s down but probably doesn’t want to feel scandalous in front of her friends. So he suggests they bounce for a little bit to go get some food and “hang out.” She feels comfortable with Mark and comfortable that he knew how to not make her feel uncomfortable in front of her friends. She leaves with Mark knowing full well what’s gonna go down.

Ian probably isn’t getting lucky and if he keeps trying to pull chicks back to his place by using false pretenses without attraction, it’s only a matter of time before one of them freaks out enough to contact the police. The problem with him (and other aspiring PUA’s that work like this) is that there’s was no comfort and no understanding. There was no greasing of the wheels to facilitate “sex” being an acceptable option for the chick. There was no evidence of the chick being attracted to him and definitely no evidence that she would be down for sex.

Mark has a lot going for him in this situation, but he still gets it. He knows the chick likes him and was open to sex. They flirted and made out. He had to grease the wheels by telling her they were going to leave to eat and “hang out.” As a result, Mark is probably going to pass out with a full stomach and an empty sack.

*** Again, the whole banging chicks thing will be covered in great detail once the Getting Good with People series is completed…. This is the correct order to teach it in my opinion.

 

Being a Smooth Operator

The main reason for emphasizing “being good with people” early in the life of Strength By Sonny is very simple…. You are going to have to deal with people throughout your entire life. If you want a life chock full of awesome experiences and getting what you want, other people will play a part in that.

You are going to want a lot throughout your life. You will want money. You will want friends. You will want women. You will always want more. However, because of the unspoken rules of society, you cannot just blatantly ask for these things.

You can’t just drop the bomb on your boss that you want a promotion. You can’t just holla at a chick asking her to silk right away. And you can’t just ask someone for money. Asking for something straight up is usually a turn off for people. The way you get around this is by:

 

GREASING THE WHEELS

 

In other words, be a smooth operator. Smooth talk people by telling them what they want to hear. Make them feel comfortable with that fact that you know how to handle them. They know you want something. Just recognize those situations where it’s best to hold off on going after what you want. Build that comfort by letting them talk about themselves.

Look, people absolutely hate being lied to but they love to be BS’d. They usually know when it’s happening and just fall into place. That’s reality. It’s too easy. Think about it from the recipient’s POV, such as the boss.

Imagine if you were the boss. It would be very easy to have an employee that pretty much treated you like another one of his cool friends. There wouldn’t really be that awkward boss-employee relationship. When promotion time came, it would only be natural to make that dude (that smooth operator) your next manager or whatever.

It’s really that easy. You can guide the interaction in the direction of your choosing if that’s what you want… no matter how early in the interaction you may be. You just have to know enough about the person(s) you are dealing with and adjust accordingly. You simply have to rely on the concepts I hammered in Part I and Part II. When you are able to do that on a consistent basis, greasing the wheels and getting what you want will become second nature. I’ve said my piece… say yours in the comment section below. Also be on the lookout for:

 

How to Become Good With People: Part IV (The Ultimate Goal… Multi-dimensionality)

 Thanks again for stopping by guys…

 

Sonny

Previous post

How to Become Good With People: Part II (Conversations and Situational Awareness)

Next post

How to Become Good With People: Part IV (The Ultimate Goal… Multi-dimensionality)

 

20 Comments

  1. Chris the Greek
    April 13, 2014 at 11:43 pm — Reply

    Thanks for putting these posts up Sonny!It’s great to hear this People skills stuff explained in words.

    • April 14, 2014 at 12:47 am — Reply

      You bet man. I see this as a problem that isn’t really addressed. So I’m happy to spend the time going over it

  2. RaD
    April 14, 2014 at 3:31 am — Reply

    Well said Sonny. The “just do what you want” sentiment floating around Red Pill sites nowadays is troubling. As great as some of these sites are, they don’t compare to what you have created here. Clear and concise advice rooted in reality that doesn’t turn you into a cold approach monkey. Looking forward to your next post.

    • April 15, 2014 at 2:42 am — Reply

      Thanks bro… I do believe I can build this into something special because of my unique outlook on life/experiences… most dudes with my experience/success in a lot of these topics don’t give a shit about helping others and have no idea that communities like this exist.

      You guys can help by spreading the word 🙂

  3. Milun
    April 14, 2014 at 7:49 am — Reply

    Thanks for covering all this common sense/people skills stuff before the more interesting topics (which I’m looking forward to). I’m already good at a lot of it but it’s still useful to read.

    Also, it’s good that you do an article and a video. I find it easier to grasp the info better in the videos – but I still read the articles cos you have a great style of writing and cover more shit there.

    • April 15, 2014 at 2:38 am — Reply

      Yea man it’s also good that I do the video so that you guys can see the man behind the advice… very few sources do that.
      I think YouTube vids are great because it gives the viewer the best chance to pick up on the person’s VIBE

  4. April 14, 2014 at 9:49 am — Reply

    This whole thing about people skills is a great topic, and is a very important one. I used to be terrible at it, and I am getting a lot better recently.

    If I had to say my thing on this, I would summarize it as “Give before you can get”. Too many people in life just focus on trying to get. It’s important to learn to give before you can get.

    Giving doesn’t have to be a major thing. Just listening when the person is talking and not intercepting it with your own bullshit. Giving a compliment to someone who might be a bit down. Could be as simple as that.

    And as you said, greasing the wheels things has to become a perspective. A way you look at things. It’s a long term play.

    You will like this article. http://www.bothsidesofthetable.com/2013/06/12/why-you-should-give-before-you-get/. Unrelated to women, but it’s from the world of start ups, but the advice is the same.

    • April 15, 2014 at 2:36 am — Reply

      Yea man… when you’re talking with someone as long as you keep it in your head to always be considering the other person… you’re already ahead of the game.

      Thanks dude I’ll check it out.

  5. jm
    April 14, 2014 at 6:21 pm — Reply

    hey sonny
    thx for writing all this
    can u talk a little more or clarify what u said in the last part – people hate being lied to but love being bullshitted.

    i can wrap my mind around indirectly doing something to get what i want. and that would make me feel shitty. like for example, being nice to someone so u can get a ride, then they dont give it and u feel like they bitched u out. (that’s what u mean about being lied to right?).

    i just feel like its a murky line between the two. could use some more talk / examples, thanks for writing bro

    • April 15, 2014 at 2:34 am — Reply

      Thanks for the comment….Yea here’s an example. We’ll use another one with a chick.

      1) You tell a drunk chick you’re taking her to an after party. You take her back to your place and it’s just an empty room. She prob be pissed off (possibly frightened too)
      2) You tell a drunk chick you guys are gonna go back to your room and chill, maybe watch a movie or something. … She knows what that means. If you’re smooth with it, she’ll go along with it and you can prob bang her.

      With #2 she knows youre bullshitting her, she eats it up though because at least it takes the pressure of being a slut off her.

  6. April 16, 2014 at 5:57 pm — Reply

    Hey Sonny,

    Your totally right!

    All those guys who get promoted, have management position … most of don’t really work hard, but they surely speak well! PR here PR there, did they even work today … not really, but counts is they have now a lot of friends!!!

    Nice post!

    • April 17, 2014 at 6:08 pm — Reply

      Yup that’s how I got my job pretty much haha

  7. Cam..
    April 17, 2014 at 4:04 pm — Reply

    I like this!!

    Reminds me of my parents.. They’re well off.. Some family members would come through wanting some money for whatever reason, but they never brought it up right away. They would BS with each other (how’s ur family, how’s work, blah blah blah).. Maybe even come through with my dad’s favorite homemade dish, have a feast and catch up. Old school ways of doing things..

    Also, instead of telling a girl to come to an after party, I recently told one that we should go “have out own after party” 😉 .. No shade lol.

    I’m really digging this series and what it’s building up to. Keep em coming Sonny!!!

    • April 17, 2014 at 6:06 pm — Reply

      Thanks dude. Yea just wait until I get into the how to get laid series haha

  8. Matthew
    April 19, 2014 at 7:15 am — Reply

    Hey Sonny,

    I got a question, sometimes when talking to someone I can only pick out one thing they are into/passionate about (the one thing where you know what their deal is) problem is you can’t really relate to their thing. What I usually do is just feign interest and ask them questions on the topic they’re into (I know this works but I hate doing this though cause I have trouble remaining interested and feel as though some may misinterpret my questions as inexperience or inferiority). In situations like these, what would you suggest?

    • April 21, 2014 at 6:42 pm — Reply

      Yea that’s all you can pretty much do… just pay attention and seem like you are interested. I was having a conversation with some people about rock climbing the other day… have no experience/interest in it… I pretty much just listened and asked little questions such as where their favorite place to rock climb was

      Again, just let ppl talk about themselves and you usually can’t go wrong… also when you do this you’ll get some investment/interest on their part because they’ll inevitably ask you questions as well

  9. […] EXPERIENCE, you can usually find a way to relate with them and make them feel comfortable by …. GREASING THE WHEELS (Part III). Ok so we know what multi-dimensionality is and we know why it is important… now let’s discuss […]

  10. […] How to Become Good With People: Part III (Greasing the Wheels) […]

  11. […] Men and women… The most concrete way to establish a valuable connection is if you have a third party greasing the wheels. […]

  12. March 23, 2015 at 6:54 pm — Reply

    […] But getting back to the topic of discussion, hot waitresses are absolute pros when it comes to social interactions. On top of that, they know how the value of their brand (overall beauty/ass/tits) and they know how to leverage it in a relatively smooth manner (compared to strippers). They grease the wheels. […]

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