Turn Back the Clock and BECOME A SOCIAL PERSON
What’s up guys? Hope everything is going well. Once again, thank you very much for taking the time to visit my site and read both Part I and Part II of my first article on game. I put a lot of effort into those and it truly was the best I could do.
But today I want to dig a little bit deeper. The First Law I wrote about was the fact that you must become good with people. You must become a people person. This is not only important when it comes to building the dating life you want. It is also important when it comes to building the overall lifestyle you want. I doubt there are many guys who want to go through life in isolation, without any cool friends to hang out with. No!
We are a social species. We need to be in the company of other people in order to truly enjoy life. As men, when we fantasize about our ideal lifestyle, we pretty much have the same basic wants…. Money, women, mansion, cars, freedom, and more times than not… FRIENDS.
But as many of you have expressed to me in your comments and private messages, this is far easier said than done. I completely understand that. I understand that if you’ve spent a lot of time in isolation or did not have the ideal upbringing, it can be very difficult for you to break out of your shell and become a guy who can easily relate to people. I get that.
I also get that it can be a frustrating process. It’s frustrating because no one really addresses this problem that so many guys deal with today. No one really recognizes the severity of this problem. No one really explains the causes of this problem. As a result, no one really offers a viable solution on what steps must be taken in order to give yourself the best chance at breaking out of your shell.
Well, that’s about to change. I’m going to explain how you can become a social person. How to become a people person, a person who enjoys interacting and relating with others, is a very important part of a healthy lifestyle. It can be difficult for a lot of reasons but if you recognize what truly is important and do your best to follow my advice, things will become very clear for you. You will have no choice but to break out of your shell and go out into the world. The truth will be shoved in your face…. that this is where you belong. You belong around other people. You are a person who deserves to interact with other people.
As with all of my posts, I’ll keep this simple. I’ll first lay out the problem and talk about why it is especially difficult to be social and relate with others today. Then I will offer you a solution. The solution will include a list of habits that you should pay close attention to. Ideally, you should do the positive habits and limit the negative ones. As usual, let me know what you think. Enjoy!
The Problem: Technology downplays the necessity of having a social life.
In other words, because of all this technology we have floating around, there simply is not as a great a need to be a social person anymore. You could theoretically never leave the house and still be connected to anyone/anywhere in the world. You can actually never leave your room and still have all the entertainment you could ever need. And in many cases, this is what people do. The problem is, THIS IS NOT REALITY.
Talking with people on Facebook, watching YouTube, writing on forums, watching Internet pornography… none of it is real. People who waste hours doing that are not actually connecting with anyone. The truth is they are still in isolation. Years ago you couldn’t really do this. In fact let’s take a look back 30-40 years ago just to put things in a general perspective.
The 70s and 80s
I obviously was not alive in the 70’s and 80’s. But I have a unique perspective on this era because all of my mentors/role models were my age during this time. My father, my uncle, my Godfather, and all of my friends’ fathers. They were all in their 20’s back when life was much simpler. And I’m always fascinated when they talk about how simple life used to be.
Back then you didn’t really see too many instances where guys were shy or socially awkward. Sure you would have that one awkward kid that no one talked too. But that was it. You didn’t have swarms of kids who are unable to relate with others on a normal level like you do today. For the most part, if you grew up in the 70s and 80s, you were sort of forced to be social and interact with people.
If you wanted to be entertained, you had to get out of the house and spend time with other people. That’s how it was. You didn’t really have any other alternatives.
A typical house back then had the following pieces of technology that could be used for entertainment purposes: television (maybe 20 channels), phone.
That was it. You didn’t have all these distractions (technology) that you have today. You didn’t have an easy way out if you wanted interact with others or be entertained. You had to talk to people. You had to get out of the house to have some fun.
There were no smartphones and no texting. There was no Facebook and no video games. Say for instance you wanted to take a girl out on a date and bang her. You absolutely had to be on top of your sgame. None of this texting drama I see dudes crying about on forums all the time. Back then, you had few choices. You could:
1. Call her house phone (Her father would probably answer).
2. Physically go knock on her door (Her father would probably answer).
3. Tell her exactly when and where to meet you.
Whatever the scenario was, you had to be skilled communicator. With 1 and 2, you had to make a good impression with the father. Number 3 is particularly impressive. Can you imagine if that was your only choice 30 or 40 years ago? Imagine telling a chick on a Tuesday to meet you at the movies at 7:00 PM Friday night, praying that she shows up and doesn’t forget…. We have it very easy today my friends.
You see what I’m getting at? The main point I’m trying to emphasize is that when there is no safety net (no real alternatives) for strong interpersonal communication, you must be a social person. You must talk with people and be damned good at it too.
I always say this: If you took a typical 20 year old from today and were to compare him to a typical 20 year from say 1979, it wouldn’t be close. The 20 year old from 1979 would absolutely be a better communicator and would in general just be a lot calmer. He’s been exposed to one main form of communication, talking to others. The 20 year old from today has been exposed to a bunch of tech-based stuff that could mess him up and has all these means of communicating with others. It’s too much. Let’s get a better sense of what excessive technology has done.
I previously wrote about how too much information has ruined a generation. Too much technology is the root of the problem. We are far past the tipping point. Over the past decade or so, the problem has really gotten out of hand. There are so many dudes who are just very socially uncoordinated. They don’t know how to communicate with people in person. Everything to them is virtual. They prefer texting, Facebook messaging, watching YouTube videos… whatever.
I have a unique perspective on this (my entire generation does). Someone my age was sort of right in the middle of the big increase in communications technology. I still remember a time when all we had in my house was a television and house phone. I actually remember when my parents got our first computer. And then they started using cell phones. And little by little over the years, they started getting more devices in the house. And finally today, they got i-pods, i-pads, smartphones…
I guess I lucked out because I grew up at the right time. I lived long enough to establish a solid base of strong interpersonal communication skills before the rapid growth in technology had a chance to screw up my development. And even then, my parents took a lot of preventive steps to basically preserve that old-school level of communication. I didn’t get a cell phone until sophomore year of high school and I barely played video games.
If you take a look around at kids in their early 20’s and under, there is a growing obsession with technology. People are absolutely addicted. People are constantly on their smartphones glued to Facebook, Instagram, texting, and other apps like Snapchat. Balance is very rare.
As a result, there isn’t that much emphasis placed on communicating with others in person. Sit down at a typical family dinner. More often than not, there will be at least one family member texting away.
But getting back to my point about dudes in particular who lack social skills or are awkward around people, this is very common. From what I have seen with the guys I have worked with on with this, it’s more often the case that they over indulge in technology use.
I’ve even seen a few comments on previous posts where dudes admit that they were guilty of video game addiction or wasting their entire day on the Internet, so the problem definitely exists. The questions is, how are we going to solve it? I’ll tell you.
Turn Back the Clock
The problem is that today’s overabundance of technology has made being a social guy very difficult. Technology use can be addicting and it can certainly create this false sense of replacement where people think that it can almost take the place of basic interpersonal communication between people. This is not true. All the time/energy you spend glued to your smartphone or browsing useless websites is energy that could have been spent on getting out of the house and interacting with people.
It doesn’t have to be anything fancy or complicated. Get out of the house and do you. The only difference is that you should focus on taking advantage of all these little opportunities that pop up during the day to make small talk. Walk down the street. Say a simple “Hi.” to every few people.
I understand that this is easier said than done, especially if you have years of social anxiety that have prevented you from breaking out of your shell. That’s where turn back the clock comes in.
What turn back the clock means is to basically place evolutionary pressure on yourself to work on becoming social.
I’m not a doctor. I spent zero years studying anxiety in school. But I do know that in most instances the old-school crushes the new-school in pretty much everything. So that’s what this is. It’s a placing your body and mind under old-school constraints.
I actually got this idea from my favorite athlete, Lebron James. He failed miserably in the 2011 NBA Finals. A big part of his problem was the fact that he acknowledged all the noise. He lost focus because he was listening to all the haters on ESPN, the news, Twitter…. Just drowning in all that negative noise. He thought too much and even began to doubt his own abilities.
So what did he do? He unplugged. That’s right. During the entire 2012 NBA Playoffs, King James had his phone shut off and didn’t go on the Internet. All he did was listen to music and read books before games. He won his first ring that year. Next year he did the same thing. Once the playoffs hit, he turned back the clock. No phone, no Twitter, no Instagram… just focus on the mission. And he succeeded by winning his second ring, beating the Spurs in 7 games. Two years in a row Lebron turned back the clock and unplugged… two years in a row he’s won a ring. If you don’t believe me check it out.
I was so inspired by this that I actually tried this out last summer. I turned my phone off and didn’t touch a computer for 2 weeks. What I noticed was that it gave me much greater focus. Everything was simple. I only focused on my important daily tasks and only spent time with the people that mattered most to me. No Instagram, no YouTube… no problem.
I would be willing to bet that for you guys that feel trapped by or addicted to technology, turning back the clock by completely unplugging would have a lot of positive effects…. One of them being rekindling that natural desire to interact people.
I will conclude this article with a lists of suggestions that you should consider.
Spend as little time on the Internet as possible.
Shut your smartphone off.
Do not watch pornography.
Spend the majority of your day outside the house.
Don’t watch television/play videogames.
Take nature breaks where it’s just you hanging out outdoors.
Try your best to follow these to a tee. Ideally, you should try to ditch the phone/Internet/porn/videogames all together for as long as possible. Is it drastic? Absolutely. Will it be difficult? Starting off… you better believe it. But that’s what self-improvement is all about. How bad do you want it? Are you willing to do whatever it takes to get the ball rolling to build yourself up to be a social guy who is not shy and can easily relate with others?
Yes? Okay, then start by ditching all the technology that ultimately doesn’t do anything to make you a more socially confident person. You gotta really be in touch with your senses and learn to rely on your instinct. Unplugging and living under the constraints of 1980 will challenge you to become a more social person. You will be bored out of your mind. You will need to be in the presence of people and eventually start interacting with them. I said my piece now it’s up to you to do it…
Check out the video below if you want to hear more on just how important this is: